Centurion

At some point, I stopped counting the stories that I have written. I paid attention to my readership, of course, those lovely numbers incrementing upwards are addicting. But I paid more attention to my readers, to engaging with some of the truly amazing people on this site, to learning what I can from the other stories represented here.

So, imagine my surprise today when I checked my creator page and noticed that my most recent ramble 'On Names' was story number one hundred. As of the writing of this reflection, I have 125 subscribers, 1,500 reads, and, of course, 100 published stories, essays, and poems.

Having joined Vocal in February 2023 with my first release 'Wasting Away,' written for the Time Capsule poetry challenge, I never thought I'd get this far. I had great dreams of winning that challenge, who wouldn't want a sudden windfall of a few thousand dollars? But those dreams, though they never went away, changed as I continued on my writing journey.

Rather than putting all of my attention into the contests, I instead put my energies into reasons to write that were more meaningful to me. I write for my family, my friends, my unrivalledly excellent fellow Vocalites, and my sanity. The opinions of the judges don't matter to me as much as they once did, I'm no longer saddened when I don't place in a challenge. Instead, I'm happy with what I create. Because I created it for me.

To date I have entered into 24 standard Vocal challenges, and the Vocal Writing Awards. Of those challenges I have won 0, and placed in 0. At one point that bothered me intensely, I was riven by imposter syndrome's malicious touch on my confidence. My ego forced me to read many of the winners and think "why did this win? Mine was better."

Naturally, that line of thinking isn't particularly healthy. Nor is it in any way charitable. Those writers won because the judges judged them as deserving of it. And that meant that I had something to learn from them. Something that I could gain by reading through the submissions that the curation gods deemed worthy of recognition.

However, I did score second place in the Science Fiction category of the Vocal Writing Awards last autumn. Thank you all so much for that, I quite literally could not have done it without your support. And that win was extremely meaningful to me, I am still riding that high because for the first time in my life, I felt completely recognized for my skill. But again, that isn't the best way to think.

While I cannot speak for you, dear reader, I can speak for myself. By thinking poorly of the winners, by thinking that I had been injured by not winning, I was forgetting why I joined in the first place. By allowing myself to focus too much on the positive energy of that Writing Awards placement, I was forgetting that I am here because I want to practice. I want to improve. And I want to find people who want to read my work.

My friends and family are, one and all, immensely supportive of my writing endeavours. Sadly, most of them do not read everything I write. And once upon a time, I resented that. If they had gone through the effort of creating something and then showed it to me, I would have read it. But they don't do that for me? How monstrous.

But, they aren't obligated to consume what I create. There is no reason for them to read anything that they don't expressly want to. No reason for them to engage with my work, especially given that many of my creations are 'heavy.' And not everyone wants that kind of energy in their lives.

I wrote a story about a coal mine that eats children designed to scare people. Not everyone wants to read about that. I wrote a series of vignettes about people dying in the First World War. I'm not certain I'd want to read that if someone gave it to me. And both of these stories have had remarkably little reader engagement here on the site.

One hundred essays, poems, stories, and chapters is also a very tall order for a lot of people. Since I've been doing this for a little over a year, that is over a story a week! Can you imagine if you had a friend who, at least once but sometimes multiple times a week said, "hey give me up to a half hour of your time for this thing I made." Never mind that some are micro fiction, some are poetry, and others are essays about his own negative experiences or thoughts on the craft of writing. It is a lot to ask of anyone.

So, what do I want to do now? I want to showcase some of my absolute favourite creations from out of the past one hundred. I want to show you a selection of my work in which I have the most pride, and talk about them. Now, if you'll indulge me, let's begin.

My first piece of fiction published on Vocal was "The Partisan." Inspired by the song of the same name as sung by Leonard Cohen. It was not written for any challenge, but simply because I had a story I wanted to tell. Also, it was inspired by the Irish Rebellion to which I have some deep family connections, this story is about the toll of war and the price paid by the victor even after the guns fall silent.

Later, I experimented with writing horror fiction. Something that I think I'm very good at. With my favourites being Rain, Hanford Manor (written for the Broken Mirror Challenge), The Boy, and Parasocial (inspired by conversations with friends met in Korea).

Each of those four are favourites for different reasons, but they share a central theme. At least to me, in their narratives the only connecting theme is their fear of the unknown. All four of them have the majority of their narrative tension come from the description of the environment, rather than any expressly scary events. The haunted storm in Rain, the frozen decay of Hanford Manor itself, the evil of the company and the dread of the Voice driving the miners towards its own agenda in the Boy, and the the decaying mind and paranoia of Parasocial.

None of these stories draw their horror from the same place. None of them, though all involve supernatural monsters, give the reader the same kind of creeping dread. Each one was an exercise in pulling similar emotions from the reader in different ways. From a Lovecraftian beast trying to consume our protagonist, to the fate worse than death implications of the Mirror, to the whisperings of Old Man Coal and Lady Appalachia, to the fear of rising paranoia and decaying sanity, each one needed its own kind of story.

As for my explorations of science fiction, I have three that are particularly note-worthy for me. From my first science fiction story The Call of the Void, to my silver medal winning Holy Terra, to my most recent sci-fi experiment Dauntless, I can trace my own evolution as a writer. Despite them all taking place on space craft each one is distinct.

Hector is alone on Clarke Station for five years. Captain Heap is a religious zealot who thinks that it is her sacred duty to rediscover and reclaim Earth. While Captain Connolly is a merchant sailor pressed into national service when refugees need to be ferried off a world under siege.

These stories display my different skills as a writer; Clarke Station is the sort of background scary that we all remember from being left home alone as children; Skara Heap shows the lengths to which people will go for their beliefs and how those beliefs can be manipulated to get one to betray their allies; and the plight of the Pelican shows the desperate hope of people just trying to escape a bad situation as well as the cost that said escape sometimes carries.

My next story also has the honour of being my most read story to date with 62 reads and 30 likes. So, thank you all for your love and support on that one. A Touch of the Fey is a micro-fiction fairy story about a young woman who... spoilers. It was inspired by the song Níl Sé'n Lá and written completely for its own sake. At 250 words on the nose, it was an experiment in telling a complete story without my usual high word counts.

Lasty I want to discuss fantasy in my writing. There have been quite a few of these that each approach the concept from wildly different perspectives. From my recent Top Story Immerwald to my ongoing series The Archive and my exploration of the moments after death in Reaper, I'm so happy with the breath of topics that Vocal has allowed me to explore.

Immerwald (written for the Whispering Woods Challenge) explores the lies that are told to people in order to manipulate them. It shows how bad actors can corrupt faith and the very concepts on which that faith is built. The Archive is an adventure story where people delve into a place that seems to exist out of step with time and location, a place that kills so many of those who enter it seeking riches. It is, in many ways, an exploration of human curiosity, greed, and the addictiveness of danger. And Reaper looks at what a conversation with Death could be like, what questions might someone ask, and how would they react knowing that the journey is over.

Speaking from a place of complete and utter bias, I think that every story mentioned here is worth your time and attention. But I'm also curious to know what pieces you're particularly proud of, what pieces you think deserve more eyes than they've gotten, and what your own writing journey on Vocal has looked like.

Thank you all so much for reading through this rambling look into my library. I look forward to sharing ever more stories with you in the next one hundred posts :)