Winter Is Not A Wonderland

Winter.

Some people love winter. Some of us, however, suffer through winter. Some of us cannot deal with winter. Some of us get terribly depressed when winter hits. I am one of those people. I often find that I cannot handle winter weather. I was born in a place where winter is harsh, and now live in a city where winter is even harsher. How did this happen?

Winnipeg (Winterpeg, as it is known) is a prairie city in the middle of the Canada. This is where I am. During the summer it can be absolutely beautiful, warm, green and welcoming. There is a lot to do. Life is not so bad. In fact, it's quite good. Spring and Fall? Again, quite nice! Quite lovely! Not many complains in those three seasons. But then things change...and so do I, and my moods.

Winter turns this prairie city into an unbearable frozen wasteland. It's isolated. It's frigid. It's painful being on the flat land where there is nothing to stop the piercing cold wind from blowing in and ripping your face off. No amount of clothing can stop that bone chilling cold. It worms it's way in somehow, always. And I hate it.

In winter, this place can feel like a ghost town as much of the city's residents stay behind doors. Snow and grit packed sidewalks seem to be empty for months at a time. The entire place becomes a monotone greyish colour...or lack of colour more like it. It is ugly. Those beautiful pictures of winter that many people who do not experience the season see and gush over are not realistic in the slightest. That isn't what this city looks like. It just looks like a bleak, sterile, dead void - not a fluffy, inviting winter wonderland that one would see on a calendar picture. And I hate it.

No leaves, no green, no colour - just dull. Any fresh snowfall quickly becomes dirty with sand and salt used to make roads passable. It doesn't stay clean for long as the ravages of everyday life turn it into an unsightly mass that has enveloped the city. And I hate it.

Bus stops look like refugee huts as people huddle, bundled from head to toe, waiting for their transport to arrive, trying to survive the onslaught that Mother Nature can deliver on many winter days. And I hate it.

Roads and driveways become treacherous, rutted, icy cow trails. Skiffs of snow drift across highways making it seem as if the pavement itself is moving. The wind seeps through every crack as the heater beats away trying to keep the interior warm enough to keep the occupants from freezing. And I hate it.

Winter is not a vehicle's best friend. Without plugging it in the chances that it will start on a bitterly cold morning are in doubt. Cold, sludgy oil is hard for a motor to deal with. All parts are under strain during a cold snap and all you can do is cross your fingers that nothing outright breaks. And I hate it.

Windshields become glazed in ice that needs vigorous scraping. Fresh dumps of snow mean driveways need back breaking shoveling just to be able to get out of them. It's tiring just getting a vehicle prepared to leave. Then, one hopes that the rest of the roads will be in somewhat drivable shape so getting from point A to point B isn't as dreadful as it feels it might be. And I hate it.

Escape from this frigid wasteland seems impossible. There is nothing close to this city. We are hours upon hours drive away from the next sizeable center, and any that are within range are just as frozen as this one. To fly anywhere is expensive and takes a long time. It truly is the middle of nowhere out here in the middle of nowhere. And I hate it.

It feels like a prison at the best of times...and an absolute dungeon in the winter. How can a land that is so flat and wide open feel like such a stifling, confining place? I can see for miles and miles and miles...and yet feel trapped. And I hate it.

As you can tell, my views on winter are mostly negative. I have bipolar disorder and with it seasonal affective disorder. It is something I wish I did not have. I wish I could go through one winter where all of the above issues didn't affect me so greatly. It can feel like absolute torture.

I have to fight every year against this. It's a never ending battle. I've done cognitive behavioural therapy and there are plenty of good ideas and techniques that I have gleamed from it that truly can help. But it doesn't eliminate it. It doesn't go away. It's just something that I have to manage. I want it gone. I don't want to have to do this all the time, every year.

Winter.