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Mourning and Grieving Our Pandemic Losses

Collectively, We Have Lost A Lot In These Trying Times

By Chris HearnPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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Photo by Engin Akyurt/Unsplash

So, how are you holding up? How are you feeling with this whole pandemic thing? You doing okay?

Hey, if you aren't, you know what? That's okay. I mean, it's unfortunate and I feel for you, but, you aren't alone. And you have no reason to feel like your feelings on this don't matter. They do.

Here is the deal. This pandemic sucks. We all know that, right? And we have all had to make sacrifices - from what seem like inconsequential sacrifices, to major ones, it doesn't matter. They are ALL sacrifices. And these sacrifices can really take their toll on people. And many of us might find that we are feeling a sense of grieving or mourning over what we feel we have lost.

What may seem like something that shouldn't matter may actually cause a lot of stress in a person. Some will look and say, "Ya, but, I haven't been sick and no-one I know has died. I shouldn't be so selfish when I feel so anxious because I can't go for dinner with my friends."

If that's what you are saying to yourself, consider stopping that. Look, this is a frickin' stressful time, people. We are all having to give up a lot of stuff. For some, the whole isolation thing that some are being asked to do is not healthy. It's hard. And it causes anxiety, stress and loneliness.

Not being able to go to a cafe to hang out with a friend may seem like such a minor issue for some. But for others, that is their lifeline to sanity! It is what keeps them going; that social interaction, being able to get out of the house and be in a lively atmosphere.

It may seem small, but it ain't, man. It really ain't! It's important for some.

Of course, there is the terrible human toll of this pandemic. Over 1.4 million people across the globe have died at this point. There are people who have lost a loved one, or been terribly ill and knocked at death's door themselves.

But there is more to mourn than just the dead. And we should all feel free to openly express our grief if it's hurting us. We have lost not just lives, but stability, comfort, freedoms, opportunities, time.

Okay, let me start this conversation. I'm going to give you a personal example. You might look at this and relate.

All winter long, I wait for summer to come. I'm not the biggest fan of winter, and tend to suffer from seasonal depression at some point in the season. I tend not to enjoy winter because, you know, it's COLD. Most of the things I really love to do happen in the summer. One of those is travelling down to the United States to go to race tracks. It's been a HUGE part off my summers for years now.

So, when the border between Canada and the US closed and I wasn't able to go, it was a big hit. I felt robbed. And I feel resentful of the virus for this. Those trips into the United States are important to me. They sustain me. Living in Winnipeg, and enduring the winters mean all the activities of the summer are extra important and keep me going for the remainder of the year. And, in one of the larger trips I take annually, I meet up with my parents, aunts and uncles. It's a good time for family bonding and socializing. So, I felt grief. I mourned the loss of these experiences, and how much it cut into my summer.

Now, some will laugh at this, I know. Some will scoff seeing this as just a minor inconvenience and that at least I'm not on a ventilator in ICU...or dead. I see it everyday on social media. Mention the frustration, the resentment, the hurt, the mourning of something that means something to a person and it is derided and mocked if not seen as a significant enough reason to feel bad.

On the one hand, yes, I can understand that. I'm still alive and healthy and that is something that too many can't say right now. But, there are a lot of reasons to feel grief or to mourn. Mourning does not have to just for the most tragic aspects of this pandemic.

There is plenty of talk right now about mental health issues related to Covid. It may seem that we should accept what is happening and feel grateful for being safe. Well, that absolutely ignores the complex range of feelings many of us are experiencing. It's positive to be open and honest about the stresses and strains caused by this pandemic. It's important to take these things seriously.

According to the Globe and Mail, a new study by the Canadian Mental Health Association has shown a significant increase in mental health issues:

Researchers found that 40 per cent of those surveyed said that their mental health had deteriorated since the COVID-19 outbreak began, a figure that rose to 61 per cent among those with a pre-existing mental-health issue. People were more worried about the virus, more depressed and 20 per cent had increased their alcohol use as a way to cope. Among parents with minor children at home, 28 per cent were drinking more.

These numbers and the reasons behind them need to be taken seriously. Part of that is recognizing and acknowledging that the losses that we are experiencing, no matter how small or large, are causing pain, frustration, anxiety and depression. And on the flipside of that, it's important to understand that others might be struggling from a series of minor losses. Let's try not to downplay what anyone is feeling right now. It all matters.

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About the Creator

Chris Hearn

I'm a 47 year old writer, amateur photographer and amateur dad living in Winnipeg, MB, Canada.

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