Serenity

There is a calm sense of serenity even amidst endless chaos. Staring directly into the eye of the storm, arms spread wide like an eagle ready to soar, not to be blown away. For to survive in this world you must embrace the chaos or else be entirely consumed.

Just five more seconds, you can do anything for five seconds. I let my body go limp with defeat, my grip around the toilet tightened as my conscious whispered: you knew this was a terrible idea. I lay in the fetal position, black streaks swirling with pink, streaming down my face. I woke abruptly as the door slammed against the wall and peeled myself off the floor. Cool water felt good on my swollen face. Looking into the mirror I barely recognized the person looking back at me. So much for the illusion of being put together. The nail on my index finger was torn from a black and blue base after getting caught on the railing. The rhythmic pulse of my throbbing finger almost let me forget the lingering nausea as I wobbled my way above deck.

Andy took one look at me and stifled a laugh. Mortified, I tugged at the blanket around my shoulders and popped the last remaining mint in my mouth. How could he so effortlessly maneuver around deck, tugging at ropes and staring out at the horizon with nothing but monstrous lumps of sea swirling around us? The day started so well, not a cloud in the sky, startling some sea lions soaking up the warmth on a nearby rock as we sailed by. Venturing further into the islands, the wind picked up, spitting seawater over the deck as the waves rose and fell. Usually, a pop of Dramamine could keep my seasickness at bay, however, nature had other plans for me today. I glanced at my date; his deep brown mop of hair dripping saltwater into his eyes while wrestling with the sail. A small smile crept to my lips, at least I wasn’t the only miserable one.

What I wouldn’t give to be curled up in front of my stove, cuddling my smooshed face wrinkle bear, though I blame that little bat pig for my current predicament. Only a week ago we were frolicking in the summer sun at one of the few places strangers felt comfortable gathering: the local pub and pup. I was nervous about going out in public but Mowgli had gone too long without interaction since the frenchie meet-ups stopped, I finally caved and decided to walk down. In the back of the pub the outdoor space was expansive and I felt more comfortable than I expected, the large glass of wine didn't hurt either. Everyone was keeping an acceptable social distance from each other until Mowgli encountered a blue and brown eyed husky, looking to assert her dominance over the poor pup. Her owner came rushing over, apologies spilling out. I laughed and gave Mowgli a pat on the head as he stared at me with his irresistible buggy, yet confused eyes. Chatting for a bit, it seemed like we had just missed each other over the years. Both working at the same business and graduating from the same university at different times. We even had a couple of mutual friends but he couldn’t make the last group get together due to fishing up in Alaska.

As it came time to part ways, he told me how he had bought a boat after his last Alaskan extravaganza and timidly asked if he could take me out for a sail sometime. I’d been on my share of ferry boats over the years living in Washington but never had the chance to go out on a sailboat. I was intrigued; an outdoor date seemed like the perfect way to jump back into the scene without being in an enclosed space. We both agreed to get tested for the virus before adventuring into the bay, and after an unpleasant exploration of my nostril I was free to head to the docks.

The boat was stunning; the straight, fine grain of the mahogany hull glistened against the water as two tall, forest green sails jutted up from the deck matching the thick stripe running from bow to stern. The Shoestring was etched into the back of the stern, a tribute to his grandfather's boat he explained. He descended from a long line of fisherman going back to Nova Scotia in the early days of colonization. The sea was where he felt the most relaxed, a sense of calm even in the worst of times. He said falling asleep to the rocking motion of the waves was one of the most peaceful things he had ever experienced. His warm hand embraced my perpetually cold fingers as he hauled me up on deck. Stepping down into the interior, the hull was quite a bit more spacious than I anticipated with a bed, couch, eating nook and partial kitchen as well as a small bathroom to the back. Everything was trimmed in the same eye-catching reddish-brown mahogany, weaving in between hues throughout the space. I spotted a picnic basket poking out from the behind the counter, the familiar long glass neck of a captivating bottle wine beckoned from the side. I better wait, no need to induce heaving over the side on a first date. Little did I know what the day had in store.

The sun had just started to peak through the clouds as the buoys bumped into the side of the dock. Andy jumped off the boat with the ease of an experienced mariner as another wave of nausea assaulted my body. I meekly made my way to the railing and pitifully held my arms out as Andy's hands enveloped my waist, picking me up onto the dock. Please don’t puke, I pleaded with my stomach. It obliged as there was nothing left to throw upon the world. I felt as if the world was spinning as I stumbled towards the shore. Andy ran to catch up with me, basket in hand, I glanced down at the previously enticing bottle of wine giving it a piercing, skeptical look. He guided me to a bench situated a few feet up on the bluff. Thankful for solid ground and time to recover I spread out, bundled in blankets, soaking up the sun. I let my eyes close as Andy slipped away down the trail.

A little while later he gently shook me awake. As I stretched and looked around, feeling more like myself, my hands rushed to my face as I remembered the events of earlier. “I probably look like I just washed ashore.” I giggled with embarrassment. He tucked a stray hair behind my ear and stared into my eyes “You look just as beautiful as ever.” A warm smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as I felt my face flush, shivers running down the back of my spine. It had been so long since I had been touched by another person, social distancing had caused such a sense of loneliness and isolation. I hadn’t even hugged my parents in months for fear of infecting them.

His eyes matched the colors of the ocean, turning from green to grey to blue depending on the light, small flecks of brown and gold scattered throughout. Mesmerizing. He took my hand and guided me up a small path lined with Madrone trees, their red bark peeling back to reveal a pale green and orangish hue. Branches twisting and twirling about the air, supporting thin, bright green leaves with scattered cherry like berries ranging from red to yellow. Cresting the small hill, I was delighted to see another, larger beach, grey rocks fading into an almost white sand. We had landed on a small uninhabited island in a larger archipelago off the coast of northern Washington called Sucia.

Andy had truly outdone himself; an expansive thick blanket lay across the sand next to a roaring fire pit as a circle of candles flickered dimly in the sunset. A charcuterie platter along with freshly cracked dungeness crab lay across the spread. As I sat down and looked out at the horizon, brilliant shades of pink, purple and orange reflected on the clouds as Mount Baker loomed above Bellingham. I heard the distinct pop of a cork and turned to see him pouring a velvety, dark ruby glass of wine. As I took in the scent of cherries, vanilla and violets, a sense of comfort and relaxation washed over me. I swirled the glass and watched the legs trickle down the sides, enchanted by the way the color changed in the firelight, picking up an orangish hue. Warmth enveloped me as the smooth, juicy drink flowed into my stomach, finishing with hints of spice and earth. I caught a glimpse of the wandering giants label; how did he know? He confessed to convincing the bartender at the pub and pup to tell him what I was drinking that day. “Merlot is my absolute favorite” I exclaimed, bringing a grin to his face. “I was afraid you weren’t going to get the chance to enjoy it” he teased.

The food was scrumptious, the crab so fresh it didn’t even need butter. Apparently, he pulled up a crab pot he set out the previous day while I was writhing on the bathroom floor and cooked it on the beach as I napped. Who is this gem of a man? We talked until the sun went down, words flowing as effortlessly as the wine, of which I may have partaken the majority. I felt as if I could talk to him about anything, no awkward silences or feelings of judgement. The conversation naturally slowed, setting his glass down he tilted my chin with his finger, “I’m going to try something” he said with a mischievous grin. I nodded, apprehensive; it had been sometime since I had been kissed. Would I remember what to do, or just freeze like a dear in headlights? I felt the soft tickle from his reddish-brown beard as he pulled back, whispering “I’m glad you brought the mints” causing me to burst with laughter.

An ease settled between us and he grabbed the now empty bottle of wine pulling a pen and paper from the open basket. “Write a note and stick it in the bottle” he instructed. As I rolled up the paper and stuck it into the bottle, the last drops stained the paper a light burgundy. He corked the bottle and packed it up with everything else. Pushing off from the dock, the full moon was so bright and enormous it seemed as if you could almost reach out and touch it. The water was like glass as the boat glided without a sound, back towards the city. Looking over the bow I watched as the edges of the water seemed to glow neon blue as it lapped against the side of the boat. Bio-luminescence. I was entranced; I had never seen it in person before. Andy walked over and handed me the bottle, holding me close as my hand dipped into the water creating waves of blue light, I let go of the bottle, willing it to find someone who needed it. Cruising into the port I thought about my note and who it might reach, for even the worse moments in life never last forever, sometimes even leading to new and whimsical futures.

Focusing not on the calm before the storm, but taking hold during the peak of fury to reap the peace and stability you gain in the aftermath.