How to Conquer a Nation

First things first, this is a true history, and as such, it should be among those highest esteemed, and I even conjecture that at a future point in time, it will be bestowed with a legendary viewing; what’s more, I assure the reader, that there is nothing phony-baloney about what is written here and if one wishes to become a Knight or King or even an Emperor, someday, he will heed the instructions carefully concealed within this account, before embarking on any such quest fraught with peril.

So once upon a time, I had the opportunity to visit the English coastline, along with some of the prominent attractions thereof, whilst I travelled throughout the county of Cornwall on a vacation. Since I had arrived in the UK from the Americas, I hardly knew any such people that meander this part of the world, so I’m going to safely assume that the reader has never been here either, and thus I deem this history worthy of sharing — especially now that travel is being restricted (due to Covid 19) and the opportunity to visit such places of lore may be out of reach going forward. That being said, for those adventure seekers on the hunt for an experience to remember outside of the hustle and bustle of London (and the likes thereof), take note, as you may opt for the countryside to shake things up, if and when travel returns to normal.

As it stands, I received encouragement from the onset, from some well-intentioned coworkers of mine, but I hadn't otherwise known what to expect. Luckily, with the knowledge and guidance of a companion whom I was with at the time, and who just happened to be born and raised in England (and, frequented the Cornish countryside on a yearly basis), I was invited along to see the place where legendary King Arthur himself was said to have roamed. I must affirm that you’ll be pleasantly surprised with what you might find out here; for, the countryside may not be as lush and green as neighbouring Ireland, and it’s far from a tropical paradise (with the water being cold to the bone), but if you perchance find yourself among the lucky who alight during a period of ample sunshine, you’ll have nothing to complain about. The weather is quite prone to overcast and rain, even during the summer months, so by all means bring your swimming gear, but don’t say I didn’t warn you when you dip your feet into the water. And always bring your brelly (which is what the English often call an Umbrella).

With luck on my side and fair weather in the forecast, I drove out together with this close companion, in a small compact vehicle — on a fine mid-May morning. And, to be sure, we were driving from the southeast of the country, heading westbound. Having reached Bristol, we commuted down the famous M5 motorway, and then on towards the county of Devon.

However, I should include here, that just because the distances between these destinations are not particularly far on the map, don’t be fooled, as I can assure you that the whole of the journey, together with the traffic, roundabouts, and narrow roads, will consume the greater part of the day. But, DO enjoy it — the entire length — all the way to the southwesternmost peninsula of England, which is surrounded by the Celtic sea and the English Channel; here you can even reach St. Ives and Lands End.

So, now that you are more familiar with the geographic location, I’ll carry on with the drive from Devon county (once you pull off from the motorway of course), where we visited a number of the tourist hot spots — one whereof I found to be especially noteworthy: it was a waterfall not far out of the way from the famous Tintagel castle. Thus, after having seen the waterfall and glen, herein mentioned for your future discovery (should you accept the mission before you), I’ll revert to the famous castle and what you can expect upon arrival. As you know, the lore of King Arthur surrounds this castle and draws crowds from all around the UK, so I’ll be dissecting it in more detail.

No doubt you’ve been patient if you’ve made it this far, so without further ado, I bring you the main course. I urge anyone that is driving into the town to find a parking space close to the footpath leading down to the cove (as it’s a bit of a hike from here on in, and there’s no way around that; hence, come prepared for a little trekking, with a decent pair of shoes, as it’s especially uphill on the way back). Now, just before the footpath commences, you’ll find plenty of little shops where you can purchase trinkets and postcards and all sorts of treasures, to be sure. Of course, there is a beach café at the very bottom of the cove, wherefrom you can easily see the stair-climb to the castle; and from here truly begins the mighty feat: following the crossing of a wooden bridge, you’ll immediately ascend the stairs thereafter.

I shall first alert the reader — should he or she require a confidence boost — now would be the time to consume liquid courage; such as a pint, which you can acquire directly from the beach café, and thenceforth proceed across the bridge whilst your confidence is still temporarily lifted; but be sure to clutch dearly to the railing, for the stair-climb is abrupt and rather steep, and narrow; yet, I assure you that this is only a temporary displeasure, and should he or she bravely sally forth, they will be rewarded at the top of the flight, where they will emerge through a wooden door and upon a relatively flat plain; and where they are quite safe from the danger of falling.

There are spectacular views of the cove from this vantage point, and I urge the soon-to-be conqueror to come equipped with their camera, among other such weaponry. From here, perched on the right side of this great mound, one can see back towards the beach café, and likewise, far out into the crashing waves of the Atlantic. (There is also a new bridge that has been built that connects the two mounds). But, do not linger too long, as your true objective will not have been accomplished just yet. You may heed the various placards and excavations, presented for your perusal, but do carry on, undeterred. Once you’re through the archway directly ahead (see photo attached for confirmation), you’ll find yet another slightly elevated pathway, which you’ll need to ascend (and I dare say, without the aid of stairs or a railing this time); but fear not, it’s not half the distance you've just climbed to the top. This is indeed the true summit. And, at this point, the reward for reaching the top of the mound — to engage in battle and receive your glory — should far outweigh your cowardice. It is only upon reaching the summit, that you'll find your match!

It is wise to charge forward at this point and do battle valiantly to claim your throne and win victory. Grab the Excalibur that has been prepared for you, and wield it at your discretion, Sir Knight.