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The Signs & Day 1 of Their Period

by Say Yes to Nourish 6 days ago in satire

You know we had to talk horoscopes eventually.

The Signs & Day 1 of Their Period
Photo by Customerbox on Unsplash

Okay, hear me out. I’m a sucker for astrology stuff.

If I see articles and quizzes that tell you about your personality or which colour you’re best aligned with to wear, you can guarantee I’m either applying it to my life or I’m at least considering it. Is any of it accurate? I have no idea, but I’m having a blast anyways.

So naturally, I had to make this happen in the Period Power world. What would each of the horoscope signs be like on Day 1 of their period?

Capricorns are passionate and dedicated to their goals, and persevere when it gets tough. They’re probably filling out an application to Shark Tank for a new period product idea, and the pitch is memorized to the letter.

The Aquarius menstruator is innovative, progressive, and shamelessly revolutionary. They’re considered the most humanitarian sign and are dedicated to making the world a better place. They are definitely spending Day 1 collecting period products in their community for donations, and group texting their friends to see if anyone needs anything while they’re at the store.

Pisces is the most intuitive and sensitive sign (not Cancer, funnily enough), often divided between fantasy and reality. They’re intentionally watching every sad rom-com out there so they can cry and pretend to be the main movie character. Or sad playlists… think ballads and soulful electronic.

Aries are bold and ambitious, competitive, and dive headfirst into challenging situations. They’re most likely to attempt free bleeding, but if not, they’re confidently emptying and cleaning their menstrual cup in a public washroom.

Taurus enjoys serenity and soothing; think soft sounds, soothing aromas, succulent flavours in the name of self-care. They’re probably in a bath, under a heating pad or snacking on both sweet and salty foods.

Gemini menstruators are busy and erratic with a playful nature. They can be spontaneous with insatiable curiosity. They’ve planned like 6 different activities to be distracted from the period cramps, but are miserable while they’re being social in those activities.

Cancers are highly intuitive, and are willing to do whatever they need to in order to protect themselves. They thrive on trust and leaning in to both their emotional and physical selves. They knew they were getting their period for the last week and booked off the first day to sleep in and read.

Leos are passionate, loyal and infamously dramatic. They love to be theatrical and celebrate themselves! They are most definitely rocking patterned reusable period underwear to coordinate with their brunch attire, down to the shoes.

Virgo folks are logical, practical, with a systematic and sometimes perfectionist approach to life. They likely have a 10-step routine to clean and sanitize their menstrual cup and a specific skin care routine for the hormonal acne.

Libras are the epitome of balance and harmony. They’re here for justice and equality, with a big helping of humanity. They’re using disposable period products for the convenience but making sure they’re organic cotton with no added scents or ingredients.

Scorpios are elusive, mysterious, and full of emotional energy. They can be complicated and dynamic because of their powerful internal wisdom and courageous heart. They’re the most likely to forget when their period is supposed to start and are spending the first day scrambling to get period products for home and wash out the surprise bloodstain.

Sagittarius are always on a quest for knowledge, as they’re curious and hardworking. They’re spending Day 1 researching the easiest and most effective way to make their own reusable pads.

Does your horoscope match how your first period day goes? I’d love to hear – and share in the giggles that result!

satire

About the author

Say Yes to Nourish

I help people with periods navigate menstrual health education & wellness with a healthy serving of sass (and not an ounce of nutrition pseudoscience).

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