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Retro Rumination - Mentos, ''The Freshmaker''

Doo doo doo doo, doo-doo, do-Wah!

By Burn BookPublished 5 days ago 3 min read
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It doesn’t matter what comes,

fresh goes better in life, with

Mentos fresh and full of life!

Nothing gets to you, staying

fresh staying cool, with

Mentos, fresh and full of life!

Fresh goes better

Mentos freshness

Fresh goes better with Mentos

fresh and full of life!

Mentos, the freshmaker!

Ah, the classic Mentos commercial where the guy gets paint on his suit right before a job interview. It's a classic scenario that we've all been in, right? But of course, the guy in this commercial has a secret weapon: a roll of Mentos. With just one Mentos, he's able to magically ascend to new levels of critical thinking and come up with the genius idea to turn his once plain black suit into a stylish pin-striped number. Genius! He'll undoubtedly get the job before he even sits down for the interview because of his impeccable taste in suits. I can only assume that on his way home he was scouted by a Vogue recruiter and got a modelling gig as a side hustle. And all because of Mentos, the freshmaker.

If you’re anything like me, this song was on a continuous loop in your head when you were growing up. The happy-go-lucky beat, the repetitive lyrics using subliminal messaging to market the product, and those downright hilarious resolutions to the pickles the commercial protagonists got into…The combination was stellar. This was a brand that knew exactly what it took to win over the hearts and wallets of consumers. Me being one of them.

If there’s one thing that marketing experts in the 80s and 90s did exceptionally well, it was making the catchiest of jingles. You don’t really see that being used to much though and my heart weeps just a little because of it. I mean, if we’re all being honest with ourselves, half of our childhood memories are various tunes and bops from commercials.

I’m not sure when this trend went out of fashion but I’m starting a petition to bring them back.

For the longest time, other mint brands didn’t exist. Why have a Tic-Tac that lasted for about 5 milliseconds or and Altoids that would burn a hole in your esophagus when you could bite into the chewy delight that was Mentos, the freshmaker? The choice seemed obvious. Nevermind the fact that Mentos only barely met the criteria to be legally categorized as a mint and that your garlic breath would return with a vengeance within 3 minutes. With the freshmaker in your purse or pocket, you were on top of the world and apparently you were also immune to any negative repercussions for your actions.

  • Wanna embezzle money from your company? Go ahead. You’ve got Mentos, the freshmaker.
  • Feeling guilty about sleeping with your best friend’s wife? Erase that shame with Mentos, the freshmaker?
  • Accidentally ran over your neighbor’s dog? No worries. Mentos, the freshmaker will help you come up with a way to hide the body and a believable lie to tell Meredith!

I often wonder how many people tried to rob a bank after popping a Mentos…

I feel bad for the youth of today. They’ll never know what they’ve missed out on. The TV gold that shaped a nation and its spending habits only exists now on Youtube and my memories.

So next time you're in a sticky situation, just remember: all you need is a roll of Mentos and you too can avoid all of life's repercussions for your bad decisions.

Until next time, stay fresh

-B-

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About the Creator

Burn Book

Die-hard cynic and sarcasm aficionado. Home of long form shower thoughts and unmedicated psychosis. Enjoy.

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