Miniature Mind Musings #5

Content Warning: Mention made of bodily excretions and female anatomy (but conflicted if I even need this warning flag?)

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I hate to have to go there but…

It's a sad day when calmly speaking up about an experience to offer a viable solution is considered a complaint. As if everything has to be categorized in a box/file/divider whilst the simplicities of human interaction got misplaced somewhere in previous decades, waaay down on the timeline. In my current location, I've often overheard those who politely (or vehemently) disagree and speak up about poor service or product, being dismissed by service providers as "rude." It's like a 'go-to' response to shame people into being quiet.

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We are amenable to oblige because we know it must be done.

Yet truthfully, the first time in my current jurisdiction that I was handed a specimen jar barely over 3 cm in diameter, the look of incredulity followed by an ‘off-the-charts’ concentrated side-eye given to the healthcare assistant did not even bleep their radar.

HOW can you be for real???

I know for a fact that there are wider containers.

So, this is where I’m headed, in a reverse public service blaring announcement to every relevant resource-stocked healthcare facility plus staff, from a ‘Don’t-like-going-to-the-doctor-unless-it’s-absolutely-necessary’ service user.

As a woman, I am calling you out because I know anatomy and physiology (A&P) expertise is a requirement for this medical specialty.

How in the ‘high-spit-falutin-dickens’ do you expect me/us to pee into something with such a small target area without making a ‘heavens-to-betsy’ blinkin’ mess?

You KNOW the urethral orifice location in the female anatomy. Aaand the inner labia which can funnel urine stream every which way but Suzy.

We’re talking multiple golden springs here!

You want an uncontaminated sample to test?

Me too, cuz I don’t want repeats.

But picture this, for instance: Your grandmother or some otherwise not necessarily agile person’s attempts to be compliant for urinalysis. A game of Twister, hovering over a toilet bowl that’s the opposite of fun. Trying with all you got not to miss and control a sphincter while smooshing your bladder cuz you’re leaning forward to see at the same time.

Rocket science this is not.

Pass us a wider container and I won’t postulate out loud today on the subtle/blatant sexism within the field. For example, during undergraduate training, we were matter-of-factly informed that respiratory mask designs for use were based on the facial structure of a Caucasian male, thus it’s no small wonder that this piece of equipment doesn’t properly fit many of us.

And with all the gloves in stock used on a daily, could not a pair be dispensed for assistance with this task?

An irritant to state the obvious but no, even if it’s ours we don’t want pee on our hands, thank you.

Duh.

When taking a fecal immunochemical test, (aka FIT Kit/FIT Test) an uncontaminated sample is required.

Translation: That poop cannot touch the bowl or anything else before going into that container.

It’s a necessary investigation for bowel cancer screening. The test is normally completed at home.

Last year, my doctor requested this investigation during a consult. I asked for a disposable specimen basin and gloves to take with me.

Unbelievable that I had to explain why.

The doctor remarked, “Oh, I never thought about how patients secure the sample.”

Duh twice.

I am officially done.

Sincerely,

Service User bringing a reality dose where people don’t like to complain

Me: Can we make sense common again, please?

You: Reverse public service announcements…now totally the way forward.

“Eww!” and “Ahh!” moments…

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Originally published in Bouncin' and Behavin' Blogs on Medium