It’s ok to speak up

Most have heard my story but i’ve decided to speak on it publicly now to raise awareness. My first sexual assault experience was when i was 6 years old at my grandparents house. Won’t mention who but the abuser was biological family & a teenager. He had been dating around, having girlfriends over.. I was close to this person because he lived with us & paid the most attention to me. The first time it happened, was just his hands but we were laying down on blankets in the living room watching the scary movie “Child’s Play”, there was 3 of us.. me, him, and one of my sisters. My sister left to go to bed, which left us two by ourselves. I should’ve went too but being so young to know what it was & him being my family, I honestly never expected anything. He held me close because i was scared of the movie & grabbed my bottom, he put his hands down my pants and touched my private parts. I didn’t say anything because i didn’t know what it was, if it was wrong or what to do. For a reason i’m unsure of, it made us closer, i noticed he would lie for me or take blame for something i did, At the time i thanked him, because being 6 years old, getting the corner for 10 minutes & not being able to play outside was the ultimate punishment but i understand now he was only grooming me because the assaults kept happening. The second assault was in his bed during another movie, he had just had a girl over and i had walked in on them making out. My sister was also in the bed with us. It was right after a bath my grandma gave me, i had only a nightgown and underwear on. During the movie, a funny scene came on and i laughed, he said “what’s funny?” and started tickling me, my sister joined in on tickling but got called into the living room by my grandma and i was dying of laughter, he started tickling my legs and eventually touched my private parts, trying to tickle me there. His finger got stuck on the inside of my underwear which exposed me, he moved his fingers around and told me i was “so adorable”. My grandma called him in the living room & i got up and left. I just thought that’s what was supposed to happen because he’s my family and he “loved me”. I told my grandpa about how my private parts were being tickled, so he confronted him, kicked him out and it never happened again. Fast forward 7 years, I was placed in a foster home, which i was one year from being adopted into, this home was a single mother with 2 sons, household. I fell in love with the family and thought my life was perfect. The younger brother who was 11 years older than me, lived in the home. He wasn’t the typical 24 year old, he acted young, had a playful personality, liked most things 24 year olds call “childish”. He clung to me and he became my big brother that was my bestfriend. My adopted mother held her own, worked long shifts and came home past 5 everyday therefore he was the person who took me to every appointment, take me to school if i missed the bus, pick me up from practices.... I spent most of my time with him. Every morning before my adopted mom would leave for work, she’d open my door and check to make sure i was still in my bed. One summer morning in particular, she checked in on me & left the door open. That morning i got woke up to my adopted older brother over top of me with his clothes off and private parts exposed, he was looking down at his private parts, rubbing it against mine . I thought i was having a nightmare and freaked out. I kicked him and started screaming. He jumped up and started apologizing, begging me not to say anything & not to hate him, said it was an accident, that he couldn’t help himself. He said that i would ruin his military career and that if i told my adopted mom, she wouldn’t adopt me anymore, which is his biological mom so i didn’t tell. When i got older, i could have boyfriends but only at the house supervised & no touching, not even holding hands or hugs. My adopted brother would make remarks to them like “whatever you do to her, i’ll do to you”, “she’s got a nice ass, don’t she?”, “don’t those jeans make her ass look so good?” , etc. Multiple times i had caught him taking pictures of me when i bent down or bent over to get something. It got to the point where it was uncomfortable to move. I started dating a boy my sophomore year and we ended up having sex, my adopted mother found out the same day because i missed practice and took me home to pull instullation as punishment. My foster brother went to that boys house and put a machete to his throat but did not hurt him. I started cross country my freshman year, it was my coping skill to get things off my mind, my way to run away for a few hours... it helped but when i got home from practice, i was drowning again, constant arguments and fights with my adopted mom and having to face my adopted brother everyday with sexual comments and remarks about my looks, i felt trapped... like he owned me. A few years later, 2 girls got moved into our home, one was 15 and one with the same exact birthday as me. The one my age, became my bestfriend, and since we shared birthdays, we considered ourselves sisters/twins. By this time, my adopted brother had moved out about 20 minutes away. I told my foster sister about it almost 2 years after she moved in. She was shocked and was scared because he’s around the house a lot. That halloween, my adopted brother was taking me to one of my appointments & since i was 16, i could drive but only with him there (over 21). So i drove to my appointment but on the way back, I told him about drama that happened at school and he got frustrated and made the comment “that’s like raping someone and being let off the hook for it” , as to which i made the comment back “you would know”. My adopted brother pushed me against the window and hit the steering wheel, while i was driving & we swerved onto the other side. On Christmas that year, it’d been since Halloween that my adopted brother came around our house, so my adopted mom made the comment “i wonder why he hasn’t been around, he won’t answer my calls or texts and he acts like he’s mad at me”. My foster sister says “i know why” and then looks at me. I look down at the floor because all the focus is on me. My adopted mom takes me to her bedroom away from family, with my foster sister and asks me why he’s been gone. my sister says “just tell her bree, you need to tell her”... so i tell her and she starts crying and hugging me, asking me repeatedly why i hadn’t told her. The very next day, she changed the security alarm codes, the locks to the house, locks every bedroom window and calls him to tell him he’s no longer welcome at our home. A few weeks pass and my adopted brother calls my adopted mom and asks to take her to dinner to talk. My adopted mom comes home with a new attitude towards me and says “you’re only trying to ruin his military career” , i try to explain to her and tell her he’s lying, that it’s true & she throws her plastic cup, full of water & it hits me in the right ear. Life went to hell after that, i was in Co-Op at school, which is where i had enough credits to graduate, just took electives until 1pm then left to work. I skip work to hangout with my current boyfriend and my adopted mom finds out. She takes the battery out of my car, takes me out of co-op, shattered my phone, and had me at the couch from the moment i got out of school to the moment it hit 8:30pm, then straight to bed. No TV, only homework. She checked my closets nightly for hidden phones and recorders. My current boyfriend & my foster sisters boyfriend showed up at church, which had the same Sunday school class as my adopted brother. During prayer requests, my adopted brother made one & said “strength to not kill my little sisters boyfriend”, so my boyfriend made a request that was “strength to not kill my girlfriends molestor”, the room became loud full of screaming and arguing. My adopted mom put me in the truck and went inside to talk the situation out with our Pastor. I took it as an opportunity to run away and get free from the hell. I kissed my niece and nephew & handed them my phone so i couldn’t be tracked and told them to keep it to remember their aunt bree”... i ran so fast i almost passed out, i went about a mile down the road until i reaches our church’s neighbor... i knocked on their door and screamed “help me”, they brought me in & called 911. 911 shows up, takes my statement of why i ran & puts me in an investigation room. After interviewing my adopted mom & my adopted brother, they released me back into custody of them. The state trooper looked me dead in my eyes and said “stop making things up just so you can keep your boyfriend” , mind you that i told her about it before a month before i got in trouble so it had nothing to do with him. Things stayed the same, my adopted brother came over a lot, didn’t say anything just stared. My niece and nephews mother called CPS on my adopted mom because i ran away & an investigator came out to talk. I used it as an opportunity to get out. Their mom told this investigator about all the hits and remarks that she’d witnessed , all the harsh punishments i received, how i had ran away once before for 13 hours to a trap house in the west end of Louisville just to get away from my mom. She spoke to me in my room and i told her i felt as if mine and my foster sisters life was in danger. My foster sister had a therapy appointment at our foster care agency in 40 minutes. We all left and went to her therapy session, the investigator followed. That night we were placed into a foster home.