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How I fend off dudes who neg when out and about

A little anecdote for empowerment

By Musings of a MusePublished 29 days ago Updated 26 days ago 3 min read
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How I fend off dudes who neg when out and about
Photo by Levi Guzman on Unsplash

Let me start with the definition of the word ‘neg’.

Wikipedia describes negging as follows:

“Negging (“to neg”, meaning “negative feedback”) is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator’s approval. The term was coined and prescribed by pickup artists.”

One entry about Negging in Urban Dictionary describes:

“Low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances. This is something no decent guy would do. They say that the assholes get the girls, but I can spot negging a mile away and I reject these fuckers straight off.”

I emboldened above and again for emphasis: “This is something no decent guy would do”. It is an emotional manipulation.

I’m writing this for collective awareness. I’m not sure how many people know of this phenomenon. If you’re a female-identifying human, you must have experienced this at least once before. If you didn’t know there’s a word for this, now you know. If you experienced this, I hope you were able to protect yourself.

Here’s my little anecdote:

A random dude in a club attempts to neg and quasi-flirt with me in the middle of the dancefloor:

Hey, you’re beautiful…but your friend is a better dancer but you have better tattoos

My polite reply:

Thanks. It’s not a competition.

* then I proceed to walk away*

My human ego brain:

HOW DARE HE HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SPEAK TO ME AS IF I NEED HIS OPINION ON MY DANCING SKILLS?! IN GRADE 5, I CHOREOGRAPHED AN ENTIRE DANCE ROUTINE FOR MY DANCE GROUP. I DOUBT HE’S A DANCE COMPETITION JUDGE. WTF!

So now I wonder, WHY do some straight dudes think women are in competition for male attention and validation?

I don’t need anyone’s validation. I know myself best. I also know comparison is the root of jealousy and envy. Who needs that?

I wish for a world where female-identifying humans can go out dancing* safely and peacefully without being bothered.

(go out dancing* is interchangeable with any activity)

That would be one of the ingredients for world peace. Another would be no wars and pointless killing of innocent living beings. Wouldn’t that be nice?

So here’s how I fend off dudes who neg, and this is how YOU, as a female, can do so:

KNOW YOURSELF. HAVE SELF-RESPECT. WALK AWAY.

Sometimes it helps to tell them you’re married because it seems some dudes respect us more when we’re someone else’s property.

If you’re a male-identifying human or whatever gender, and you have male friends who do this, please educate them to do better.

If you have done this before and this is one of your tactics to get others interested in you, know that your manipulation cannot fill the void inside of you and I assure you it only works on insecure people. The fulfilment it may give you can only be momentary. Have you looked inward? Have you considered therapy? Have you any empathy?

If you have been a victim of this kind of manipulation, or if you are ever subjected to this, rest assured that the negativity is more about the manipulator. You have the power to stand up for yourself.

Despite the illusions of this world, Kindness/Positivity/Love wins all the time.

Love wins.

Always.

Unless you're playing Tennis. Although, technically the origin is from the French word "l'œuf" which sounds a lot like love.

feminism
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About the Creator

Musings of a Muse

Hello, Anna is my earthly given name.

Artist & Muse.

Lover & Beloved.

Perceiver & Perceived.

Let's be each other's muse!

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