The first time I allowed someone to do what this person did to me, I was shocked. It opened my eyes to something I clearly knew plenty about, but didn't understand until it happened to me. The fact that someone could have so much control over another person's life made it seem less real and more surreal. Hearing about situations like this would make me furious towards the victim. Just leave the person, how hard is that?
What a fool I was before I actually lived that life. It was almost as if I could hear my own voice and talking back to myself with the answers I once couldn't comprehend. Why not just leave that person? Because it isn't that easy. What do you mean? The explainations and the reasons sounded like excuses I'd make up to protect either myself or the other person.
I was in denial. I am a difficult person to deal with so maybe I gave him a reason to do it. How could I have been so blind to not see who he was? Is it really him or is it really me? How could someone treat another person like that?
I finally came to the conclusion that that is just who he is, but it still didn't make it right. What could I change to make him not want to do this to me? How could I make a difference in his life to make him be less agressive? The changes were extreme. Not talking to friends, detaching from family, giving into his every will, and losing myself.
With children involved, the fear grew into rash decisions. Was it better for me, him, or our children? At that point, rash or not, decisions had to be made for the sake of my children's wealth and health. As difficult as it was to do what I had to do, it would have been more difficult to see my children go through it with me. Did it really matter to him anyway?
I gave up two children up for adoption for the sake of keeping them safe and not fall victims of domestic violence with me. I still shake at the thought, my eyes begin to swell, and my heart aches. However, the fact that domestic violence was so real and surreal all at once had my life flipped upside down, and him living with no consequence gave me no other choice. It made no difference to him. So long as he could use them as pawns to get to me was what made my decision loud and clear.
A lot of women do not speak about it because society makes us believe it was our fault. Men who fall victims don't speak out on it because to society they are men and no woman could have power over them like that. I'm not sure why society doesn't speak more on the subject to help those in silence break that silence. It makes all the difference in the world when one suffers alone as opposed to when you have someone to support you. That difference could save lives.
My niece was a victim and she taught me a valuable lesson - no matter how many times one goes back to being a victim - never give up on that victim. It will make you mad. It will want to give you a reason not to want to help them. The importance of always being there for the victim is for them not to give up on themselves. Even if they are ashamed to call because of how many time they went back, knowing that someone is there is a matter of life or death.