I Miss Not Having Any Identity Other Than Someone's Wife and Mother

Life should be about perfection and not reflection.

There always come points in our lives when we think what if we had not made that bad choice or if we should have gone with our instincts instead of listening to others. Many times throughout our lives, we wish we could have changed one thing which bothers us the most.

The thing which I wish to change is that I should have gone ahead with my career instead of succumbing to my husband's demands and household responsibilities.

I was a bright student throughout my school days and always dreamt of becoming a strong and independent career woman. But while doing my master's degree in Physics, my marriage got fixed because I was the eldest of my three sisters and my father wanted to marry me off at the right age.

I thought, no problem, I'll pursue my career after marriage. But my husband wanted a homemaker and not a career woman because of his shift duties at the airport where he worked.

He wanted me to be at home when he comes back from his night shift to comfort him in bed and cater to his needs, not going out to work.

Also, he argued that if I worked, who will look after our children (who were yet to be born)?

At that time, I was accepted at the Bhabha Atomic Research Centre as a scientist. But my husband didn't like my idea of going ahead and I, like a typical Indian woman sacrificed my career and dream along with it.

Over the years, my husband advanced in his career and we moved out of India for a better living. I had everything in life - two sweet daughters, one loving husband; still felt something missing in life. Whenever I saw a girl going to work or my friends posting about their achievements on social media, the feeling became more pronounced.

It's true that I enjoyed life in a different manner. Since I wasn't working, we could go on vacations according to my husband's leave. I traveled to many countries and had lots of exposure and experience over the last years. Almost all my working friends and my both sisters (who are working) are jealous of me that I get to spend all the time at home with family and can go on exotic vacations whenever I like.

It's true to an extent that I enjoyed life, but the bigger truth is that I miss not having any identity other than someone's wife and mother.

Everyone has the right to have a personal identity which reflects his/her inner self. This identity is very important for the feeling of achieving something in life.

If only I had not succumbed to the hardships and had decided to face whatever problems came like a fighter, I wouldn't be regretting now. It's true that for a working woman, life is very tough in our society.

Both husband and wife may work the equal hours at the office, yet it's expected from a woman to cook and take care of the house and kids. No one points at a man when he comes back and just lies down on the sofa to watch TV complaining that he had a tough day at work. Everyone (read parents)will even feel sorry for him that he has to work so hard.

But if a woman comes back and tries to rest instead of cooking or spending time with kids, she's looked down upon and is even told that what's the need to go out and work if she has to neglect the house and kids.

No one tells this to a man that he's neglecting his family because of work. And this is true across all the cultures and countries around the world. In some cultures it's more pronounced than in others, only that much is the difference.

I escaped all these hardships in life and to tell the truth, I was scared because of these conditions because I knew that my husband will never support me in any household chores if I worked. Although he does support me now when I'm at home. Now I feel like a coward that just to escape some hard work I sacrificed and ruined my whole career.

But now in my forties, with my kids all grown up, I found my love of writing surfacing again. With all the years of experience, travel, and thoughts I can write tons of stuff and there's no limit of resources and platforms in today's internet-driven world.

So yes, I have found my identity as a writer at this stage of my life. I know I'm a bit late to start my career now but still, I have many more days and years to share and spread my experiences and feelings.

My advice to each and every girl is that never sacrifice your dreams for anyone or by getting scared of situations.

There will come a time in your life when you will regret your choice because then you will feel all alone and lonely. An identity crisis will engulf you then and there will be no way to come out of it.

One more aspect of this is that you will be financially dependent on someone. It's ok that your spouse's money is yours too but still when we earn on our own, that feeling is just out of this world.

I have two daughters and my advice to them will be to pursue their dreams without bothering about anyone. And I'll make sure that my daughters don't have to sacrifice their dreams and happiness.

I don't want anyone to regret something and wish to change anything in their lives. Everyone's life should be perfect according to their choices.