I am She

Why is it that the people that would take on the world for others are always alone? I mean think about it. The woman that goes to work busting her back just because she is the only one in her household providing for all the bills and wants along with the cost of her spouse/significant other's family. She is the one who isn't being loved correctly in any way. She is being used for her money. She still provides for her child(ren) along with spending time with them. She ends up being the bad guy when she has had enough of this, and she has already cried to herself by the point she leaves the other. She is now alone but no one sees this or cares. Yet she smiles everyday and keeps going because she knows she has to. She is the one that sees her friends and coworkers struggling with problems in their lives, and is there for them however she can be but now she is worrying about their happiness forgetting about her problems. She is there for them to cry, vent, or get a hug from. They get this not knowing that she has no one she can turn to like they do. A little time goes by and she thinks she has found someone that would take on the world for her. Nope, it doesn't matter because why would anyone be happy for the lonely one. She is the one that her family turns to when they have nowhere else to go by allowing them to live with her and her child(ren). They think that they are the correct ones and all her choices are wrong in all forms. So they end up betraying her trust everyone. Now everyone sides with the spouse/ significant other saying she has been the one doing wrong. So once again she returns to being unhappy so that everyone else will get what they want. She is the one that has always made sure everyone else is happy. She has always been there smiling being the ray of hopeful sunshine for everyone else. But no one has ever been there for her when she needs it the most. Little does everyone know, she feels like she fails at everything every day. She feels like the worst friend because she cant make her friends/ coworkers problems disappear. She feels like dirt because her family try to control her actions or constantly tell her she is wrong. She feels like a bad parent because she had to start working less hours at her job because she could not find a trustworthy babysitter to be able to work more hours to provide better for her child(ren) and a babysitter. She feels unworthy or just plain not enough because every person she has ever shown interest in has chosen someone else or said she was more than enough but never shown it. She knows that all these feelings are wrong, but the way she feels is years of all these feelings and negativity being pushed on her. She has always shown that she handles everything thrown her way and always comes out stronger than before until someone burns it to the ground. She is the one that continues to smile until she cracks. When she does she is the bad guy for finally showing them the side that they have all fed for years. The side that she hates having to show because she knows how bad its going to hurt everyone. The side that makes her the QUEEN she has always been. She burns those bridges with a grin on her face; she tells everyone how stupid they have been; she starts telling people to shove it when they start try to be negative around her. The thing is that people don't understand that every queen will rule by herself because she has to. What she wants most in the world is a king to take on the world for her like she always has for everyone else. But once again, she gives up what she wants for others to be happy. She feels like she is forever alone. She would love to wait but knows it would be stupid to wait. I am she until proven wrong.

Just know you are not alone when you feel the same.