Here Are Some Ways To Make You Feel More Secure In Your Relationship

Before I get started, here’s a quick disclaimer: these tips are probably not going to be what you expected and this article is not about how to make sure your partner doesn’t lose interest in you. Instead, these tips are how to be more secure with yourself, because as cliché as it sounds, you need to be confident in yourself in order to successfully be confident in any relationship. Trust me, insecurities will only lead to problems and you may even be the one causing them without realizing it. I myself am guilty of this, and while there were definitely other factors contributing to my past relationships ending, I’d be lying if I said that it was all on them. I was controlling, untrusting, and insecure, which led to a lot of unnecessary arguments and eventually, me breaking up with them because “I couldn’t deal with them anymore”. Looking back, while the way that I see things now naturally come with maturity, I have a lot more self confidence than I used to. I also realize that I was the one who ended all of my past relationships, which makes me think that maybe it did have more to do with me and how I viewed myself, than anything else. Below are a few things I have gathered that I think could have improved my past relationships, based on changes within myself.

You think your partner is cheating

Before you jump to any conclusions, take a step back and consider all the reasons why you think your partner is cheating on you. Is it because they have actually done something to make you feel like they would do such a thing, or is it because of the following reasons:

They have a friend who you think is attractive, making you feel insecure

They go out without you

You’re worried that they’ll meet someone better

If any of the above reasons apply to you, here’s what you need to start thinking about. If they have a friend that you find attractive, rather than assuming that they feel the same way, think about why that one friend makes you feel insecure. Do they have something that you don’t have, that you struggle with? Work on that.

If they go out without you, keep in mind that being together 24/7 isn’t healthy for any relationship. You need time for yourself, too. So maybe consider finding a few new hobbies or activities to do on your own. Go out with your friends when they go out with theirs. Just because they can enjoy their time without you, doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be with you.

If you are worried overall that there is someone “better” out there for them, then it is very likely that you are actually more concerned that you are lacking something that they may want. If that’s the case, start focusing on improving the areas of yourself that you feel would change that. Whether that be an interest that they have, that you haven’t tried to explore, a physical attribute that you have or don’t have, or anything else.

Your partner doesn’t give you enough attention

If you truly feel this way, then you should openly tell your partner how you feel. However, keep in mind that in every relationship space is important. The last thing you want is to lose yourself in your relationship and be glued to each other constantly. While I used to think that when you really love someone, you want to spend all your time together, I realize now that I need my space too. Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean you can’t live together, or spend a lot of time together, but give yourself some time to do things alone or with your friends, rather than relying on your partner for constant emotional and social support. Being controlling and demanding attention constantly is not only annoying and may even end up pushing them away, but can also stop you from being independent yourself, which is important even in a healthy relationship.

You think they aren’t attracted to you

Before I start telling you to do things to boost your physical self confidence, do keep in mind that if there is something that you are particularly insecure about, you should be vocal about it to your partner. If this has been an ongoing issue and you truly feel like they don’t find you attractive, try to think of all the reasons why you may feel that way. If there are some things that they could do to make you feel better in that regard, you should definitely tell them.

That said, we all have some insecurities and you can’t expect your partner to fix them for you. Make the adjustments that you feel will make you more confident in yourself, whether that be your weight, your hair, your style, or anything. Hit the gym or even get a little extra boost at your local medspa to enhance your muscle definition or freeze some fat. CoolSculpting, for example, is a non-invasive treatment that will literally melt your stubborn fat for you. And no, this isn’t plastic surgery, it’s super common and completely non-invasive. You can also go to your hair salon and get a new hairstyle. Sometimes change is good and can boost your confidence.

Ultimately the most important thing to take away from this, is that in a relationship, it takes two in most situations. And if insecurity is involved in any of the issues you are having in your relationship, then those issues are very likely to improve if you improve your own self confidence.