Dear Women Who are “Too Loud” and “Too Much”

So, here is some Gender Studies 101. Throughout the history of the world, the majority of cultures around the world treated women as second class citizens. The woman’s purpose was in the home and caring for the children. All women should know these skills, the 3 C’s, cook, clean, care for children. A woman should also be submissive and quiet. The saying goes “A good wife is a quiet one.” Women should not have an opinion about politics, jobs, money, leadership, property, etc… A woman’s role was to know how to be attractive, household skills, a good wife, and a good mother.

European culture focuses on patriarchy where the men in the family have power and wealth. Where a woman’s only value was her dowery given by her father to her future husband. European explorers brought that ideology over to the New World. On the other hand, many Native American cultures flourished in martiartical societies where women were the leaders. Women had a choice, they could be warriors or they could take care of the village. That’s the important aspect, women had a choice. They had a say in how they were going to live their life. Throughout our American history, that’s what women fought for, a right to have a choice. A choice to vote, have a career, what they wore, to have an education.

The goal for all women’s equality movements is to have the same opportunities as men. Now, we come a long way from 1920 where women finally gained the right to vote but, we still have a long way to go as a society. The effects of standard gender roles and stereotypes of women still linger in everyday conversations.

All of my life I loved learning new ideas and sharing those ideas. On the way home from school you best believe my parents received an earful of what I learned that day. I can talk about critical issues for hours. I am passionate about my beliefs and become ecstatic about explaining them to people. Hence, why I am a teacher all I do all day is share my passion for history and how it connects to our current society. When I am with my friends we love to carry on and enjoy each other’s presence. I take pride in starting my full-on teaching career at 23 years old. I love cracking jokes and laughing until I cry. I mean that’s what being alive is about! The thing is, I am always told I am “too loud”. People are shocked so much volume comes out of a 5'3 woman. Then I remind them I am Italian and it all makes sense.

For a while though between middle school and high school I was ashamed of being too loud. I was anxious people would judge me and call me obnoxious simply because I was having a good time. This fear came from friends and family saying I talk too much as if it’s a sin.

They would say “Geez, does she have an off button?”

“Lower the volume. Not everyone needs to hear from you.”

“I feel bad for the man that’s going to marry you, he’s going to go deaf.”

“ My parents say you can’t sleepover because you’re too loud.”

“ Why do you need to be the center of attention?”

These comments may seem minute but, to a 10-year-old girl who already had low self-esteem because she was chubby and not the “pretty sister” those comments left lasting scars. Since I did not see myself as the beautiful girl that I was, I heavily depended on making friends based on my personality. So, when people started telling me my personality was “too much” I went in a shell for about 10 years.

In class, I was the quiet shy girl who was smart. I only showed my true self at the lunch table with my friends. I also showed my passion when I played sports because my competitive nature overpowered my insecurities.

My true confident self glowed when I was in Theatre Class. In my Junior year of High School, I began to regain my confidence in my personality when I decided Threatre was going to be my elective. In that class I could completely shed all the walls I built up because everyone was being loud! We were entertainers! We had to use our stage voices! That class created a safe environment for everyone to be their true selves with no judgment. I loved entertaining people with my witty jokes in scenes and over the top acting. My soul burst through me as people watched me in delight. On stage, I was never “too much”. It all made sense, I loved entertaining people! I would love to tell people funny, informative, great stories that’s why I talked so much. I easily get excited about things and want to share my excitement with others, or pump up other people’s excitement that’s why I am so loud.

There was nothing wrong with me! I am just a human and I took up space, so I can enjoy my life. The issue was the stereotypes of women shoved in our faces from when we were little I did not abide by. News Flash, that’s not my problem. I love talking about current events, social issues, my career, my family, my hobbies, my life, and my goals. Should that make me an unattractive woman? Well, my boyfriend would tell you otherwise.

Ladies, take-up space. You deserve to have a say in your life, at your workplace, in your 5-year plan. You are a human, do not make society have you feel a certain way on how you should act. As long as you’re not harming anyone, do your thing girlfriend! I only regret that it took me that long to realize I’m a worthy human and I have value. My dad always told me “ Who could not love Allie?” and now I see it and more importantly I believe it. We all have so much to offer this world. Do not limit yourself to expectations that created centuries ago that are no longer relevant. Do not let anyone dim your sparkle lady, you got this. You’re not “too much” or “too loud”, you are “just enough”.

“There is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.”

Virginia Woolf

Orginally Published on Medium.com in "Change Your Mind, Change Your Life."