Dear Ladies Who Struggle With Body Image

Throughout my 26 years on this earth, my most prominent enemy was the perception of body image. Whenever I would watch shows or movies, the female main character was tall and skinny. The photos I would see in magazines of “attractive women” were photos of women with big boobs and a toned stomach. My older sister fit those molds but, I did not. My sister would receive attention from boys and I would not. Growing up I was always the smart sister who was hysterical with a fun personality but, not the pretty one. Thinking about that now, I am proud of those traits. Growing up in my sister’s shadow though, put me in a dark place mentally.

I always struggled with the way I interpreted my body. I am 5'3 so, I am compact. I have a small chest with thick thighs and a booty to match. I also have a tummy. I have the look of “Yeah, she workouts but, also love tacos.” I never had a thigh gap or a toned midsection. I played sports all of my life just like my sister but, she was always more fit. I did not understand, I did all of this physical activity and still was seen as chubby. The real culprit though was my diet. I would binge eat and use food to console my feelings. I would look down at my stomach and despise myself. I thought to myself “No one would ever fall in love with a girl like me.” I would have crushes on boys in school and was terrified if they found out. Sometimes though, I would muscle up the courage to tell them and it would almost be a joke that I would be interested in them.

In High School my friends started dating and I was the third wheel on many occasions. I was a funny friend of someone’s girlfriend. You know the saying, “Always the bridesmaid never the bride.” I was friendzone heavily and yes it happens to girls as well. I was seen as one of the guys because I would crack jokes and play sports. That’s all well and good but, I did not want to be one of the guys I wanted to be one of guys’ girlfriend. I always noted I would be someone’s girlfriend if I had a hot body. I had a pretty face I was told. I was cute, never sexy, or desired.

Fashion was an issue as well. My friends wore these cute crop tops, tube tops, and tight dresses. I, on the other hand, had no boobs and a stomach so those options were out of the question. Then, there was a shift in society. Thin and slim were out and THICC was in.

When I entered college the new trend of feminine beauty was athletic with that big booty. Now, my momma always blessed me with the big booty so, that has been taken care of. I played volleyball in college so, my athletic tone was kicking in. I still always had that little pooch. While I was in college I received attention from guys because my body type was the new “attractive woman” physic. That’s when I started to realize it was never me, it was societal trends. Now girls who were skinny with a “boyish figure” were taunted. Girls were mocked for their flat backsides. It was never me it was society! Once that lesson was learned, I praised my body.

I spoke to my body better. I do not have “Thick Thighs” I have “Muscular and Strong Thighs”. My stomach carries extra pooch because I will eventually carry a child. I do not have back pain from my boobs and it’s easier to play sports with a smaller chest. I also did some research on “Female body trends throughout history.” We have been through a lot of standards ladies.

All of those years I was disgusted with my body. Believing that no man would ever love me because of my pearshaped physic. MADNESS I TELL YOU, ABSOLUTE MADNESS! How rude of society to push me to feel undesired based on the trend of that decade. Meanwhile the next decade my body type was the hot ticket! Ladies, enough is enough. My body may not be perfect but, I love her anyway. This body carried me through all of the sports, all of my education, and now my career. How can I be embarrassed by her? Guess what, there is a person out there who will cherish your body no matter what! That same person will cherish your personality even more! I was mortified to take off my bra in front of my boyfriend for the first time because of my small chest. Do you know what he said? He said, “Allie, to men boobs, are boobs and we love them no matter what!” My heart melted, again just put a ring on it right then and there.

Ladies, your bodies are going to go through so many stages. Let your body live. Be healthy and thrive. Your body has many purposes, being what society deems as sexy is not one of those purposes. Your body was made to support and carry you through this life. Your body creates life! Your body is strong! Your body has value! Do not let beauty trends cause you to feel angry with your body. I wish I realized the grace and strength of my body sooner.

“Your words have so much power. Every day, if you tell yourself ‘I love you,’ if you give yourself one word of validation, it will change your mind.” — Ashley Graham

Originally Published on Medium.com in "Know Thy Self"