22 Years

22 years of irritating habits, not picking up clothes, drawers left open, and raising children. The date is looming before me, our anniversary. We've been surviving, growing, and maturing together for almost a quarter of a century. Some days it feels more like we are sister and brother and some days it feels like we are roommates rather than husband and wife.

What is it supposed to feel like being a husband and wife? I often ask myself this question, not knowing the answer.

The movie and tv world show us this fairytale of romance and a comfortableness between long-term partners. Their lives are full of stolen kisses, inside jokes, and the divulgence of memories. While the literary world romanticizes the long-term partnerships of marriage building images of lifetime achievements, cozy houses, worldly jobs, and a peace between two people that seems so natural and inviting.

Where does this exist? This is not what I have experienced.

I have experienced twenty-years of picking up after someone else, living with their annoying habits, and constantly asking myself why.

I have experienced twenty-two years of being the one who manages the household finances, makes the decisions, makes sure there is food on the table and that the wifi stays on along with the electricity.

I have experienced twenty-two years of sacrificing who I am as a person to be a mother and a wife. I have experienced twenty-two years of dirty clothes on the floor, whiskers clogging the sink drain, drawers left open, towels left on the floor, cups, and glasses everywhere.

I have also experienced twenty-two years of having a partner in crime, someone who opens my eyes to new music and experiences. Twenty-two years of someone who reminds me who I am when I have forgotten, and someone who loves me when I snap about the open drawers and dirty clothes on the floor. Twenty-two years of someone making me my favorite soup when I am sick, holding me when I cry, and knowing that a hot bath helps melt all the stress away.

After twenty-two years of marriage there were a multitude of times that it would of been a lot easier to walk away, it would of been a lot easier to give up and stop trying. I learned more about myself, the person that I could be and want to be in the safe space of twenty-two years. I gave and I received, I loved and was loved unconditionally.

Yes, marriage is mundane and hard. The excitement of the honeymoon phase completely disappears and you have to work hard to stay interested some times or ever stay sane. As a female I often found myself lost and forgetting who I am. It's easy to get sucked into the abyss of parenthood and marriage, having a partner who helps you keep your head above water is priceless.

Remembering that we are both human and can't read each others minds is the key. Communicating, listening and something just surviving is the key to twenty-two years. Let go of the little stuff, one day you will miss closing drawers and picking up dirty socks and realize how mundane it seemed at the time but also how meaningful it really was.

After twenty-two years of putting in the work, I am more excited about the years that are yet to come. Even though I still wish he would learn to close drawers and pick up his damn dirty socks off the bedroom floor.