Why I Decided to Become a Buddhist

From October 2011 to March 2016, I attended a total of two churches in an attempt to find God. Between the age of 19 and 23 1/2, I was looking for answers in my life. My mom was mentally unstable and eventually became homeless after walking out of a psych ward of a state hospital. It felt like no matter what I did to try to improve my career prospects, I'd still end up unemployed even if I completed a four year college or community college to obtain a degree or certificate. My relationship with many members in my family began to deteriorate because I didn't have a job nor was I a full time college student. I felt lost and scared due to my cult teachings and my mother's mental breakdown so I tried mainstream church.

My time in church was an interesting one. I still have mixed feelings about it to this day. On one hand, I made friends at both churches but eventually lost contact with these people. On the other hand, I felt as though church wasn't for me. I didn't feel like I was called by God. One thing about these churches is how they encourage anyone who attend their services to eventually get baptized even if it's non-denominational. I feel like every church is the same. There are true believers who try to do right by their religion and there are those who pretend to be good Christians just to look good in front of their other church friends and the congregation at large. I've met people like this on both sides especially at the second church. The hypocritical Christians had Jekyll-Hide personalities from my experience. They didn't really want to attend church but had nothing better to do with their free time on Sundays than to be a pretend Christian. If you said something that made them uncomfortable (like I unintentionally did), they'll either avoid you or say something that made you feel bad about yourself in private. Both of these things happened to me during my time at the second church.

The year I turned 23 I started attending church services less frequently and pretty much stopped attending any function with the congregation outside of church. I was never a member to begin with but was sometimes invited to different things and found a way to get to these places without a car. There were times when I didn't attend church for a whole month. It was as if I became a ghost. My relationship with some of my family members began to deteriorate even more so and it felt like I getting angrier by the minute despite going to church from time to time. I just didn't think attending church was helping my self growth, which was why I eventually went to counseling. Around mid April 2016, I wrote a public message on my old Facebook account letting anyone from the church who I was friends with on there that I will no longer be attending any more services. From what I remember, only two people from the church commented on my status. It's kind of a blur now despite this being just six years ago.

Fast forward to 2022, I've decided to become a Buddhist. I made this decision as of this month surrounding the funeral of my great aunt. What I like about Buddhism is how it's a free will religion. The decision of whether or not to believe in God or any god for that matter is entirely up to the follower. I also think the concept of nirvana in Buddhism is pretty cool. I definitely could use some enlightenment. Buddhism is more of a belief system than a conversion. Two years ago I actually dreamed that I became a Buddhist. I still don't think the dream itself was a premonition. It was probably more of a coincidence based on things I was thinking about at the time.

The other reason why I decided to convert to Buddhism has to do with getting rid of any anger I had. Some of the beliefs of Buddhism are very similar to Christianity and it doesn't shy away from things like compassion, forgiveness and happiness. The difference is that a Christian has to give their life to Christ to obtain eternal salvation. A Buddhist does not. I also like the fact that Buddhism aligns with my values of peace and love. Like Christianity, Buddhism believes that human life can be one of suffering. What makes it different is how it believes meditation, spiritual and physical labor and good behavior can allow a follower to achieve nirvana. As a new follower of Buddhism, I'm still learning about this religion and it'll probably be this way for a while. In the meantime, I'll continue to meditate and do all the things associated with Buddhism to obtain peace in my life. Peace and love to everyone.