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Moscow's Calling - 14

A friend calling for advice on an interview

By Lana V LynxPublished 20 days ago Updated 19 days ago 4 min read
By Ukrainian political cartoonist Oleh Smal, specifically for the author

This conversation happened on February 6, after the Russian media confirmed that Tucker Carlson will be interviewing Putin in Moscow.

“Hello, Donnie?”

“Yes, Vlad, I’m glad to hear from you, but you are calling at a really bad time. Really bad time for me.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s happening?”

“The DC court of appeals ruled that I cannot use the presidential immunity defense against deranged Jack Smith. He is going after me for the documents I kept and the insurrection.”

“Oh wow, that is really not good news.”

“It’s bad, Vlad. Really bad. I’m still fuming, can’t believe they did this to me! To me, America’s favorite president! Everyone here loves their favorite president Trump! And these two wackos, Obama-appointed judges, decided that they can just derail my campaign like that! Derail my campaign!” (escalating, fuming)

“Calm down, Donnie, calm down, please. Aren’t you going to appeal it to the Supreme Court?”

“Of course, I am! But it will take time. Time I do not have.”

“Wait, wait, Donnie. Maybe this is not as bad as you think.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, if it takes time, you can just continue campaigning and presenting yourself as a victim of unfair persecution, right?”

“Right, I guess.”

“So you just play that card, Donnie. You are a victim of unfair persecution by your political opponents.”

“I’ve already been doing that, Vlad.”

“Hammer it even more, your Evangelical supporters will love that!”

“Maybe you are right, Vlad.”

“I’m always right. Do you think the Supreme Court will side with you on this case?”

“I have no idea. No idea at all. At first, I thought they would, but now all the lawyers are telling me that no one has interpreted presidential immunity like me before. Can you imagine, no one before me came up with this brilliant idea!”

“I’m just as surprised as you are, Donnie.” To the side, “Maybe because you are the first president who committed blatant crimes.”

“So, if the Supreme Court sides with me, this will be a precedent.”

“For other presidents to commit crimes?”

“I have not committed any crimes, Vlad! Not in the sense the Deranged Jack Smith says, anyway. No crimes there at all! Those documents were mine! And I did not incite anyone for an insurrection! Those were my loyal supporters who protested against the rigged elections! Even if they got carried away, it's not my fault!”

“Sure, sure, Donnie, I hope you will have your day in court about that.”

“I hope not. I hope the Supreme Court will shut this whole thing down. Just shut it down.”

“That’s what I mean, Donnie.”

“Oh, I will not go to the Supreme Court myself. I will just send my lawyers there. I doubt there will be a hearing at all, they may just decide the case behind the closed doors.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“I don’t know yet. It may be good for public opinion, when I show up to the Supreme Court if they have a hearing. Can you imagine, what a great thing for the media! President Trump interviewed on the steps of the Supreme Court! But I don’t even have good lawyers yet to represent me there.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen your announcement on Truth Social about forming a new team. How is that going?”

“I’m still interviewing. I don’t know why I’m not getting the best of the best, the ones I’ve seen so far are not very good. Not good at all.”

“I’m sure you will find someone who will be great. Anyone should be honored to represent you, Donnie.”

“Yes! I’m glad you also see it that way, Vlad!”

“You know I would be happy to help if I could, Donnie. But I’m afraid my lawyers will be no good in this situation.”

“I know, right?” (both chuckle). “You always make me feel better, Vlad. Thank you for that.”

“My pleasure, Donnie, that’s what friends are for.”

“I appreciate that, Vlad. But wait, was there something you wanted to talk about? As you called me first?”

“Ah, yes, indeed. You know Tucker Carlson is here, right?”

“Yeah, I know. Learned from the media. I was so mad he didn’t tell me he was going, I’d have sent you a gift with him.”

“Don’t worry about it, Donnie, really, we will have other opportunities to exchange gifts, I hope.”

“I hope so too! If I become president again, we’ll be able to meet.”

“Yes, sure, we’ll work on that, as soon as you lift the sanctions against Russia.”

“That will be the first thing I’ll do, right after deporting all illegals.”

“Sure, Donnie, I believe you. Anyway, about Tucker…”

“Yeah, what about him?”

“He is begging me for an interview with him. Should I go for it?”

“Of course! He has a yuuge Twitter audience, much bigger than any cable news channel. Can you imagine, Fox thought they’d be better off if they kicked him out, and he is kicking their butts! Kicking their butts, and CNN too! So if you want to get media exposure here in America, he is the best. Definitely the best. And he likes you too.”

“Exactly. That might be a problem, though. Don’t you think it will be a little too obvious? I understand he is already called the Kremlin’s or Putin's agent in America.”

“Who cares! As long as he has those supporters and they clearly get your message, it will be good for both of us.”

“Are you sure, Donnie?”

“Absolutely, Vlad!”

“Ok, then I’ll go talk with him.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, the interview has been scheduled. I just wanted to run it by you.”

“I appreciate your trust, Vlad.”

“Alright, bye then.”

“Bye and say hello to Tucker for me.”

supreme courttrumpsatirepresidentpoliticspoliticiansinterviewfact or fiction

About the Creator

Lana V Lynx

Avid reader and occasional writer of satire and short fiction. For my own sanity and security, I write under a pen name. My books: Moscow Calling - 2017 and President & Psychiatrist

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Comments (5)

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  • Daphsam18 days ago

    Very funny!

  • Hahahahahahahaha such good friends, giving advice to each other! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • Hannah Moore19 days ago

    Eugh, ghastly men.

  • Ha Le Sa19 days ago

    Amazingly written piece!

  • Andrea Corwin 20 days ago

    Great job on this icky-poo subject and dumb idea by want-more-attention-Tucker.

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