Calling Moscow - 21

I wrote this story awhile ago and forgot to publish. So posting it now.

This conversation happened on January 8, 2024, the supposed birthday of Kim the Third of North Korea.

"Hello, Vlad?"

"Yes, Donnie, what’s up?"

"Sorry I didn’t call you for your Christmas. Not that I forgot, just got carried away… I never forget about things like this.”

“It’s alright, Donnie, I understand.”

“Anyway, Merry belated Christmas!”

“Thank you, Donnie.”

“I hope this year is better for both of us. I just hope it’s so much better. I need it to be better.”

“Same here, Donnie, me too!”

“Did you ever send birthday greetings to Kim the Rocket Man?"

"Who?"

"Kim of North Korea."

"Ah, I see. Yes."

"Did you call him or send a letter?"

"Both, Donnie. Never hurts to do both things."

"Really? When? It's just 7 am here. I thought I'd be the first to call him."

"When are you going to get the time difference down, Donnie? It's 5 pm here already, and 8 pm in Pyongyang."

"Pyon... what?"

"North Korean capital, Pyongyang."

"Ah, I see. Such a funny name. I will never be able to say it right... Too funny. So, is it too late for me to call him then?"

"I don't know. I called him at 7 am his time, also wanted to be the first. It turned out that I was second, to Xi. So annoying."

"Yeah, that Round Face Xi wants to be the first everywhere."

"Tell me about it, Donnie! I can't catch up with him, he always cooks up something new. Like when he was having the talks with Blinken about the sinking US-China relations, even though I asked him not to do it behind my back."

"I know, right? That would have never happened if I were the president."

"Exactly! That's why I need you to become president again, Donnie."

"I know, I'm working on it, Vlad. So, do you think I still should call Kim for his Birthday?"

"Do you want to be the last? Because you'd probably be the last one to call him. Besides, I don't know exactly when he retires..."

"Isn't he a little too young to retire?"

"I mean retires to bed. Judging by his looks, he gets a lot of beauty sleep." (both chuckle)

"Is that your way of saying he is fat, Vlad?"

"Yeah. If you want to call someone round face, that’s definitely him. He looks like Kolobok, more and more with every year."

"Cola what?"

"Kolobok, it's a character in Russian fairy tales. Very round and smooth. Oversized donut hole, kinda."

"Oh, I see, that's so funny, oversized donut hole! Kim Colabock, maybe I should rename him that." (both chuckle)

“But to answer your question, Donnie, maybe you should call Kim. It would be a nice way for him to wrap up his 40th birthday, to hear from a good friend.”

“Which friend?”

“You, Donnie. Aren’t you friends with him?”

“Oh, sure, sure. We are friends, but not as good as you and I. He is turning 40 today?”

“Yes, didn’t you know?”

“No, he is so secretive about his age. So secretive! I only knew that he was probably born on January 8, 1984.”

“Where did you get that information, Donnie?”

“I don’t remember. I thought it was from you. No?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then probably my intelligence services, when I was president. I made a note in my important Birthdays roster. He is so important, so smart. And I got a reminder today.”

“But see, Donnie, that makes Kim 40, if he was born in 1984. It’s 2024 now.”

“That’s right! I keep forgetting the dates, lost in time with all the events. Totally lost in time. All these court hearings and primaries, if you know what I mean.”

“I know, Donnie.”

“Well, alright, I’ll get off the phone and call Kim then.”

“Good luck, Donnie.”

“Don’t need it, I’m already a lucky man. A very lucky man.”

“If you say so, but Kim can be very moody. Dictators usually are.”

“Don’t I know it, Vlad, don’t I know it. How did he sound with you?”

“Actually, good. He was excited about something. Told me his people were preparing a great present for him.”

“Really? Ooooh, maybe I should send him a present too! Did he tell you what that present would be?”

“No, but knowing him and his people it’s probably another test of a new nuclear bomb or something like that.”

“Right. I can’t match that…” (both chuckle)

“I don’t think anyone can, Donnie.”

“OK, I’ll call him right away then. Bye, Vlad.”

“Bye, Donnie.” After hanging up, “Your luck may be running out, Donnie, if you don’t become a Republican nominee.”