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In response to all your emails, Don.

by Josephine Patane 7 months ago in trump

Stop trying to contact me.

In response to all your emails, Don.

Dear Donald,

I have been receiving your very personal campaign emails for several months now. I don’t know how you got my email address, I certainly never asked to be a part of this, and yet you constantly refer to me as a “loyal supporter,” a “true patriot,” and “with you from the beginning.” Recently your team sent me one asking if my email address is working since you haven’t heard back from me. So I wanted to assure you I’ve been receiving your emails and I’ve been paying attention. When I also began receiving emails from several members of your family with subject lines such as “My father is asking about you,” “Sign my father’s birthday card,” and “My father needs you,” I started to feel pretty special. I especially enjoyed the anecdote about when you and your son were chatting and you asked him how the signed photo sweepstakes was going. He had to tell you that I STILL hadn’t entered and according to him, you couldn’t believe it! Sorry I let you down. I felt pretty guilty again when I read an email in which you said you’d be checking the Presidential Donor List right before you went on stage later that night and you’d be disappointed not to see my name on it. I imagine how brave you were holding back the tears in front of the whole world after desperately searching the list for my name. I had no idea I meant so much to you, Don.

I sensed I might mean a lot to you when I received the email entitled “I need to know” subtitled “you give me the confidence to keep going.” So I attempted to fill out the survey you sent, but when I went to submit it the page mysteriously timed out. The next time you sent me a survey desperately begging for my opinion I tried again, but again I was unable to submit my answers. It’s almost as if when you don’t answer the survey questions positively the page times out and doesn’t record the response. In fact, in one email entitled “He needs the TRUTH” when I clicked “No” to the question “Do you stand with President Trump?” it sent me through to a page that says “Thank you for confirming that you stand with President Trump.” So since your website seems to be broken, I’ll quickly let you know a few of my survey answers here:

1. Out of the options given (Great, Good, Okay, Other) I would have to rate your recent job performance as “Other” but I would give you a “Great” on your ability to manipulate multiple choice poll results.

2. “Do you believe you’re playing a role in our re-election efforts?” I do not, because you won’t record my survey responses.

3. "Did you take our Weekly Trump Coronavirus Response Approval Poll last week?" I did not, because you only ever sent this "weekly" poll once and even if I had received the poll the week still won't record my survey responses.

4. “Do you support President Trump’s fearless resolve when he walked to St. John’s Church - a historical church that was set on fire the night before by rioters?” No and to elaborate I would stress that tear gassing innocent people before you took that walk was the farthest thing from fearless.

While I personally find your emails delightfully absurd, questions like that last one make me genuinely terrified. There are people receiving these emails who don’t know they’re being manipulated. There are people reading your emails who actually believe you care about them. In an email attempting to sell an ugly camo hat you call your supporters the Trump Army and encouraging purchasing one “to let everyone know that YOU are the President’s first line of defense when it comes to fighting off the Liberal MOB” it is an irresponsible, thinly veiled call to violence, and I think you and your team know that. When you start sending out emails calling protesters thugs and killers and telling your supporters you can’t restore law and order without them you know what you’re asking them to do, and it’s not just donate at the link below. Sending out an email in the middle of these protests with the subject line “NO KNEELING!” about football games is such a grossly disrespectful show of your priorities.

I hope my letter doesn’t prompt you to send yet another email entitled “I’m offended.” I know it might sting coming so soon after I forgot your birthday and you called me out about it. Maybe we can discuss it in person, as I recently received an email about how much you REALLY want to meet me (after I donate of course.)

All quotes from and emails sent from various addresses by the Trump Make America Great Again Committee.

Josephine Patane
Josephine Patane
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