If You Didn’t Vote Then Shut Your Mouth

This was first published when America was ruled by a giant orange baby. True story.

Did you vote? You did. Do you vote? You do. Good. That’s what I thought.

Unfortunately, not everyone does vote. There are a hundred different reasons why someone might choose not to vote. None of them are valid.

But that’s just like, you know, my opinion, man.

All of this is beside the point. The point is there’s a wave of stupidity sweeping the world. That’s right, another one.

Some people are actually proud of the fact that they don’t vote and boast about it on social media.

A worrying number of people are boasting about the fact that they don’t vote. Like it’s a source of pride.

And top of that pile? Self-appointed self-help gurus and so-called productivity experts and social media influencers.

If you read this, and think I mean you, then I’m looking right at you.

That’s right. People who make a living from telling other people what they should do with their lives.

Telling other people not only that they don’t vote — and that they’re proud of it — but that they shouldn’t vote either.

Why?

Pull up a chair and strap yourself in.

Because — wait for it — y’all have more important things to do than vote.

You should be working on your game. Writing in your Law of Attraction journal. Sticking things on your vision board.

That’s more important than that you vote. Seriously. I’m not even joking.

If you play to win then it doesn’t matter who’s in government. Apparently.

I’ve got one thing to say to people who don’t vote: Shut up.

Actually, I’ve got a bunch of things to say to you. But let’s start with that.

If you didn’t vote then shut your mouth. You’re done talking. Your opinions are now null and void.

If you didn’t vote then don’t brag about it. People died fighting for the rights that you take for granted. Don’t advertise the fact that you’re an idiot.

People died fighting for the right to vote. If you don’t vote it suggests you take this right for granted.

If you value democracy at all then you should vote. If politics matters to you one iota then you should vote. If not then don’t vote. But it shouldn’t be a source of pride.

If you didn’t vote then you’ve just thrown away your voice.

Do you live in a vacuum? No.

Did your brains fall out? Let’s hope not.

Maybe you should try living somewhere that doesn’t have a democracy and then see if you can be bothered to vote when you get back.

You show a level of contempt and ignorance that beggars belief.

Do you really think you’re so special that the political landscape of the world that you live in doesn’t affect you at all?

Remember to vote. You have to vote. It’s up to you who you vote for — all I ask is that you vote.

If you have the right to vote then you have the obligation to vote. Case closed.

If anyone’s dumb enough to think I vote for Donald Trump because I posted this article it will make me very sad.

I’m English and based in the UK for starters. I’m also opposed to everything he stands for politically and as an excuse for a human being.

But I hope that Trump’s supporters vote for him just as much as I hope that people vote for the opposition.

Ok, maybe a little less, but only because I don’t want him to win.

I’m not just talking about any one election. And I’m not just talking about America.

I’m disgusted by the results of the recent General Election in my own country. I’m disgusted by who we have as a Prime Minister. And I’m disgusted by the direction the country has taken over Brexit.

There. My hat is now in the political ring. And yes that was a Bill Hicks reference. Thank you for noticing.

It isn’t that I think politicians have your best interest at heart. They don’t. So don’t make it easy for them by opting out.

I’d vote for sock puppets in lieu of most politicians. But I still have to vote.

Life isn’t a democracy. People don’t get the right to vote on how you live yours. Your detractors are probably trying to sell you something.

But you still have to vote.

Do you see how this works?

I really don’t care who you vote for.

Judging by the way most of you vote I guess that most of you are sadists. Or masochists. Or both.

If you’re eligible to vote then I hope that you vote — period.

I don’t care who you vote for; I only care that you vote.

Unless you vote for someone I loathe — in which case, I hope you oversleep.

Just kidding. I still hope that you vote.

That’s how democracy works.

Sure, the election might be rigged every year. Whichever puppet you vote for they serve the banks and military-industrial complex.

If you believe that’s the case then all the more reason to vote. Vote to have the system changed. Vote for none of the above.

They want you to drop out. They want you to not care. They want you to be complacent.

When Trump was first elected, according to an announcement on the news, Americans voting a TV star into an important position of power was without precedent.

Tell that to Reagan, Eastwood, Schwarzenegger, or countless others.

I know some of you don’t vote because you’re disenchanted. I know some of you don’t vote in protest. In a lot of ways, I’m right there with you. But you have to vote because democracy is like a hedgehog.

Wait. What? Say that again.

Democracy is like a hedgehog.

Now, there are a lot of ways that democracy is like a hedgehog but two immediately spring to mind.

First, there are a lot of pricks involved, and second, its preferred method of defence when under threat is to curl up into a ball.

Refusing to vote is no longer a viable means of protest, no longer the smart-arsed thing to do; it’s just a wasted opportunity.

I’ll be the first to hold up my hands to the fact that I’m guilty of being disenchanted, of not engaging with the process, and of being disgusted by the abject failure of the main political parties in recent years.

I’ve always subscribed to what I call the ‘Sooty and Sweep’ theory of politics — whichever puppet you prefer, they’ve all got the same person’s hand up their arse.

But unfortunately, whilst people sit idly by and democracy curls up into a ball, extremists are ready to stomp on the hedgehog as they march in through the front door.

Voting is literally the least you can do.

Every non-vote is a vote for extremism. It’s a vote for the status quo. It’s a vote for taking away the right to vote.

Don’t make it easy for them.

We all have to live with the choices that we make.

If we don’t like the way that things turned out, then we need to do something about it. Or at the very least not act as though we’re surprised by what happens next.

That includes when we inevitably get bludgeoned to death by someone with that bloody Edmund Burke quote that “all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

If you decide not to vote then at the very least please keep it to yourself.

They say it’s “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.”

Then they usually argue about whether or not that was first said by Abraham Lincoln or Mark Twain.

It wasn’t. Feel free to tell me who said it first. Or why I’m wrong and you’re right to not vote and proud of it.

I already know the answer to the first question, and can guess your answers to the rest, I just like to see you sweat.

Right, I’m off to bed. Please don’t do anything drastic whilst I’m asleep — like vote in a despot or demolish the European Union.

A statesman is an easy man, he tells his lies by rote.

A journalist invents his lies, and rams them down your throat.

So stay at home and drink your beer and let the neighbors vote.

 — W B Yeats

James Garside is an independent journalist, author, and travel writer. Join Chapter 23 for the inside track on all their creative projects and insights about life, work, and travel.