TikTok's Latest Obsession: Navigating The New Mob Wives Aesthetic vs. Mob Boss Swagger

Hey spirit animals, did you miss me? You did. (Also - if one more person asks if I’m bringing back the podcast - I’ll pistol whip you - kidding, that was my inner mob boss speaking - buckle up, grab a drink, and let’s get to it.)

I’m sure you’re already pumped by the title like, yasssss, of course, you would hop on this trend because: You. Are. This Trend.

And I’ll have to agree, boss is 80% of my blood, always a mood and it’s a full-time job, babes.

Also, if you’re new here and you're judging my sentence structure, I type, like I talk - so keep up or take a walk.

Before we jump straight into the trends aka how to not look cheap AF rocking this new mob wives look/ trend - we’ve gotta pull up a drink and put our good friend, TikTok in the hot seat.

I’ll admit it took me a minute to even download TikTok…started messing with the music, creating some funny videos, and yeah, lip-syncing basically took over my life for like, a solid year.

I began to memorize long-form scripts for no reason, waiting for the sundial to hit 3:12 pm Eastern time for perfect lighting, timing my facial expressions down to the seconds - I even let a negative comment slide….basically, TikTok had initiated me and I was in too deep.

Sure, am I a little embarrassed to admit that...yea, but like, so are you? (Leaves blog to scroll TikTok)

So why put TikTok under the … clock?

Because, it’s like, give us TIME.

The TikTok algorithm is China speed and I say that with all due respect to advanced technology, but give your consumers a second to digest. Reflect. And make a proper purchase decision.

With fashion trends moving so quickly, it’s bound to crash the Vogue diet market. (3 Day Supermodel Diet - Vogue) So, like….let’s not, and say we meditate for a sec?

Rule # 1. Don’t listen to TikTok - it’s drunk.

Trends come & go faster than our ex’s texts.

I know dust off your burn book ladies….

… and pull out the black book, I’m just going to say what you don’t want me to say.

(Takes a sharp left turn for no reason) TikTok is the wasted girl in the bathroom that everyone can't not watch have a full-blown mental breakdown but also, we absolutely do not want to talk to her or get involved. Unless she has cigarettes or drugs in her pocket, she's on her own.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good scroll/ practicing my future lip-syncing acting career.

But, the TikTok algorithm is lawless.

And if you’re not careful in these streets, your closet can get 'Wild West Mixed With Cheetah Print Ugly'.

Think about it - when you had an event, before the....

…yup, before 2020-2023, we’ll just leave it at that since I am against even helping that keyword crawl aka dominate across all search engine platforms.

Anyways. Before you had an event, you didn’t even think to go online - okay, maybe to order Gucci tights - but THAT'S ABOUT AS FAR AS IT WENT.

A shoe, safe. Purse, even safer (gimme that starts playing) Make up, just throw it in the bag BAE. But an all-black, chic $1,500 designer jumpsuit, in the words of Matt Rife, are you outta your fckin’ mind?

You need to try that on boo, boo. And I say this from the bottom of my shop til ya hot - loving heart - if you don’t try it on, don’t be mad when the “cheeky pantless trend” looks like a thong. Yup, wrong size - send it back.

In short (stands on a stool to look taller and more powerful) The algorithm is just constantly drinking, that’s my hot take.

It’s banging back SEO keyword shots like it’s Studio 54.

Shot after shot playing Russian roulette at a Casino with Robert Dinero and Al Pacino - like they don’t have to be up for work in the morning. (Insert "Does anyone fcking work anymore" - Kim K quote here)

So, what’s my point? You could actually get shot if you play fashion Russian roulette for too long; but more importantly, you could get shot out of the sky on the first try.

First rule of mob wives club, aspire higher.

Embody a mob boss vibe instead - also, don’t jump on the first video and then regret all impractical fashion purchase decisions. Kay. Back to the original origin of my sentence.

TikTok is not news. It’s not accurate. And it’s truly the last place you should pull fashion “research” from (cough, girl at Vogue.com that just wrote a mob wives blog based on influencers' “hot takes”)

No, no. Mob wives was never not a trend (proceeds to list every woman in every movie you ever wanted to be growing up) - it’s not just a style. Issa vybe. A vibe that kicked off in the late 80’s, and early 90’s.

It says, I’m classy but I run shit.

I’m kind but I’ll throw you over this table.

I’m educated but I’m street smart.

I’m eloquent but I’ll never quit.

I ain't a killa, but don’t push meeeeee.

It’s giving… The Duchess from the Wolf of Wall Street. Like, who are you lying to right now?

The aesthetic is not necessarily reserved for mob wives, 90’s bouncy hair, or the 80’s French mani like you’d see on Camila Soprano.

No no. This style is more BOSS than it is mob. Think, Miranda Priestly, Olivia Pope, and Emily Nelson.

Tip 2 drops now: #2. Pick a boss any boss ..... and that's coming from a real-life boss. (drops headshot just to flex)

For this trend to work aka not get ugly or cringe AF (because if I see you in all black & cheap gold jewelry I’ll actually vom and Gen Z will light you up 3 days from now when the grudge no eyebrows lewk starts trending, AGAIN)

But, okay - shots fired. Pick a boss. Any boss. That compliments your style. Yup. It’s that simple.

Your favorite female boss that has that ‘ je ne sais quoi ’ vybe going on aka that boss style that works with your personal aesthetic, there you go - mob wives move over, mob boss aesthetic explained in one (very choppy) sentence.

#3 Whoever you picked, try to pull 80% of your outfits from your current closet

As much as clean girl aesthetic is out - neutrals will never be.

We all have an absurd amount of black clothing in our closets right now and even as I type this (you’re like, looking behind you trying to find your closet to see…)

Kay. Focus on me. Focus on what’s already in your closet for neutrals. Can you see them? You can. While you are visualizing, grab some accessories (preferably gold) + add some bouncy hair + dark lip liner & eyeliner = you basically HAVE the look without breaking the bank and destroying your closet with yet another trend combining the 60s, 80s, and 90s.

I know. Building a boss wardrobe is hard. That’s why I’m here to help.

#3. Build a baseline before you increase your screen time

The best tip of this blog - reorganize your closet before you head to your fav shopping plaza. Not every trend requires a closet overhaul.

#4. Effortless is in - try hard is out

Much like this blog, it’s time to implement not giving a f*ck in your day-to-day life.

Listen, if full fcking glam is your look, do you sissy boo. But if you are a minimalist and you think some NARS is going to spice up your life? Guess again frightening trend - the only thing making you “spicy” - is the fact that you actually look like Scary Spice.

Yeah, you do.

So, I’ll ask you again Ginger Rothstein wanna be….

Do you want to look like Scary Spice? Okay, then follow my advice - I never lie when I type, it’s the curse of being too REEL- I’ll rip your soul open with playful jokes and smack you with GIFs as a way to embed the truth with the hopes that you too - can soar one day.

#5. This is what came for….there’s a joke there….but I’m going to leave it alone.

Here’s what I love about this trend (even though I’m not a huge fan of taking your research from TikTok) I am a fan of vintage trends coming back to collab.

Truly, the hardest part about a closet clean out - is us asking ourselves….alone in our closets… “I love this but will it ever come back?! Most likely. Yup, the answer is there’s a 60% probability that it’ll come back in your lifetime….

….I just can’t promise that moment in time….won’t be 50 years from now...

And that’s a wrap, take it or leave it kids - but hopefully, I gave you some inspo to embody the boss within you and not just dress like a cheap "mob wife" because some girl on TikTok wanted to dress like a Casino.

Be true, stay real, and I’ll catch you on my next blog post.

P.S. - A final rose, dare I say, a love letter to my haters: Every time you click and share this link, I make money. If that’s not boss, I don’t know what is. LOVE YOU BB's. Don’t forget to share with your fake friends.

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About: Chelsea Swift is an Amazon Author, Blogger, Business Consultant, Director of Marketing for a Tech & Digital Marketing Agency, and former solo podcast host/producer of Chelsea Swift Is Your Spirit Animal on Spotify.

Interests? I'm in my soft girl era, babes. Low-key obsessed with the plan being no plan, anti-aging hacks (pretty sure I was accidentally bio-hacking before it was even a thing), spa life, being kind, making people laugh, working on my passions (the hustle is unmatched) pizza, yoga, reading, feminine empowerment, spirituality, positive mentality, and all things wellness.