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The Strangest Stereotypical Guys You Meet in the Military

by Rowan Marley 4 years ago in fact or fiction
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The guys you meet in the military can be the most down-to-Earth... or just some of the strangest you'll ever speak to.

It's often assumed that the military attracts three kinds of people: the hard on their luck, the best and the brightest, and the downright weird. At times, you'll see all three types rolled up in a single person, other times, you'll just see one of these groups being represented.

The fact is that you do have to have certain proclivities in order to find a military career attractive. You do have to want some adventure, and you do have to be willing to push yourself in ways most others won't. Those are really admirable traits.

Regardless, it's hard to avoid the fact that the military life is one that attracts its fair share of oddballs. Some guys you meet in the military tend to really, truly take the cake when it comes to being weird, though. Here are some of the worst offenders, according to recruiters.

The Roleplayers

Believe it or not, many of the guys you meet in the military really, truly adore roleplaying games. We're not being facetious when we say that, either. They love to LARP, play Dungeons & Dragons, and drink mead for hours on end.

Roleplayers tend to be obsessive about their hobby, which is why most of these guys don't usually make it past the PT training test. If they do get past basic training, it's a rare feat. Simply put, they weren't really the most serious when they joined the military and it often shows.

They may be upset when they "flunk out," but getting them a good military themed board game will be enough to get them out of their funk.

The Conspiracy Theorist

Most of the guys you will meet in the military will have a couple of theories that they tend to believe. They may theorize that some guys get diarrhea on days they're cleaning the latrines, just to piss them off. Or, they may have theories that the girl they're seeing might turn into a Dependa.

However, the conspiracy theorist doesn't keep his theories to the mundane. In his world, the reptilians are the ones who are actually in charge of the military and that the foods that the military helped invent were created by the grey aliens.

To them, the lunar landing was faked and Denver Airport has the Illuminati hanging out. Yeah, they may have gone off the deep end, but the fact is that they are some of the most paranoid people you'll ever meet—and that can be surprisingly good to have with you in combat.

The Ghost

Typically, when a veteran sees a photo of guys in his platoon, he can name each recruit almost instantly. Some, he'll even recall fond memories of doing work with. This will never happen with the Ghost.

Among guys you meet in the military, the Ghost is the one who you won't be able to point out from a crowd. You probably never spoke more than three words to him. Sure, he's always on some kind of work detail, but you never really see him.

Heck, no one even really recalls talking to him. That alone gives him that weird, almost movie-like "loner" vibe. What's he like? Who knows. Whatever it is, Ghosts can be found in the Air Force, Army, Marine Corps, or really any other military branch out there.

The Porn Addict

Ever hear about guys who join the military just so they can get laid? Well, there is some truth to that statement for some, but what often happens is that guys realize they don't really get much time with the ladies once they enlist.

As a result, a lot of the guys you meet in the military soon start missing the touch of a woman—it's just that this guy often ends up getting a bit obsessive way beforehand.

He seemed normal enough, but then when you're bunking with him, you find out he's got a pile of Playboys the size of New York City under his bed. His gear all has RedTube bookmarked on it, and the amount of lotion he uses on a weekly basis could leave the Sahara Desert looking moisturized.

You never really see him leave his room much, and that's okay. It's not like you want to shake hands with him after you make that connection.

The Geardo

The Geardo is one of the quirkiest guys you meet in the military—but also one of the most useful to befriend. They are the ones who are completely, utterly, and unequivocally enamored with any kinds of tactical gear you could imagine.

From the best combat boots to the best mess kits, the Geardo will tell you what you should buy... or may even let you borrow his own equipment if you're deployed.

The Foreigner

Most civilians will be surprised to find out how many guys you meet in the military won't originally be from the US. The funny thing about the Foreigner is that he often will claim that American military men act delicate, but in the same breath, will complain about the coffee, too.

A lot of these guys already served before, and it shows. But, while they may complain about "weak American coffee," you'll never hear a peep from them while they're doing a redeye shift.

The Top Chef

In another life, the Top Chef may have had his own cooking show on the Food Network. Heck, he probably would have ended up going head to head with Gordon Ramsay when it came to verbally tearing into cooks. However, since this is a list of guys you meet in the military, you can bet that he's not on Iron Chef.

Rather, these are the guys who somehow manage to make amazing, mouthwatering meals using the crappy gear they're given. And, they do it at 0300 AM. Sure, he gets a bit crazy when it comes to demanding rare local ingredients, but he's a great friend to have—and his tasty meals make him popular for a reason.

The Prophet

Did you hear The Good News today? Don't worry, if you didn't, the Prophet in your platoon will fill you in. He's very religious and loves to preach to any of the guys you meet in the military—even after the sergeant tells him to can it.

The thing is, the Prophet often seems sketchy in his behavior. Maybe it's the fact that his Sabbaths always fall on military practice days, or maybe it's the fact that the head of his religion is being investigated, but something about him just doesn't strike people right.

Hm. Wonder what it could be...?

The Angry Young Man

The Angry Young Man (Or Woman, or Person) is someone who joined the military simply because they want to be given the opportunity to fight someone without having to go to jail. Often with a juvenile delinquent background, the Angry Young Man typically ends up being the hothead of the platoon.

In many cases, these are the guys you meet in the military that make you uncomfortable. They may have prejudices against certain groups of people, or they may just have very violent outbursts. If they're married, their spouse may seem afraid of him.

On the down-low, many people in the platoon may be worried that the Angry Young Man will snap—which is precisely why they avoid them at all costs.

The "Military Saved My Life" Guys

Last but not least are the guys you meet in the military who turned to the military as a last resort. Perhaps they were facing homelessness, or maybe they never really had a family, but whatever it is, they found what they really wanted thanks to the military.

These guys aren't quite weird in the typical "quirky" sense, per se, but they are something that most civilians won't be able to identify with. They are so into military culture, the way they talk about it almost sounds cult-like. More often than not, they're saying, "the military saved my life" and can't wait until their kids join up, too.

This is very unsettling, especially to people who can't stand the idea of war. However, deep in their hearts, these are good men who love what they do—so while they may be a bit unsettling to talk to at first, they definitely end up having people warm up to them sooner rather than later.

fact or fiction

About the author

Rowan Marley

Rowan Marley is a 20-year-old sports enthusiast who hails from Brooklyn. When he's not hitting up a local Zumba class, he's drinking organic smoothies. That's just how he rolls.

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