You Hate Your Work, and I Found Out Why

We all know that one brilliant artist from elementary school who always said their work was awful before surprising the teacher yet again with a masterpiece. We learned to doubt them and expect another beautiful work of art with every assignment. However, they never stopped putting themselves down no matter what anyone said. Eventually, we just stopped giving them compliments, and then they stopped sharing their work with us. Why weren’t they satisfied with the years of compliments we gave them?

You Are That Artist

Whether you realize it or not, you have likely also done what that artist has done. How do I know? You use Vocal. This platform is meant for publishing your work. If you use the platform, it’s most likely because you have ideas you wish to share with the world. Don’t worry, I’m not trying to insult you for being self-conscious about your work. I’ve been in a similar spot for a long time, myself. Keep in mind that what I say here is not meant to target you specifically, but rather all of us. We are all perfectionists who need to be called out in order to realize what we’re doing to ourselves.

We’ve Been Raised To Compare Ourselves To Others

“Hey, what did you get on that test?” I hate being asked that question, I hate that students ask each other that question all the time, and I hate that I’ve asked that question many times in the past. I wish I had known much, much sooner what that question was doing to myself and everyone else. We’ve been comparing ourselves to our peers for so long that we ask questions like that without even thinking.

Even if you don’t ask those questions aloud anymore, you still effectively ask them in your head. You’re constantly looking at yours and everyone else’s work and asking yourself what score they got, except this time instead of the range being A through F, it’s perfect through horrendous. We tend to give ourselves an F while everyone else gets an A. I subconsciously do this to myself all the time.

Not helping us is that most parents condone this behavior. If you have a “smart” friend that your parents compare you to, you know precisely what I mean. Far too many parents obsess over grades and class rankings. At a moderate level, this can encourage some substantial growth. However, it easily becomes excessive to the point where we doubt our ability to grow and we effectively give up. When we compare ourselves to others who are already far ahead of us, we become so intimidated by what it will take to reach their level that we either give up or don’t start at all. If your initial goal is to reach the top, you’ll never make it there. Set smaller goals for yourself that don’t involve comparing yourself to someone else. After all, no two brains function exactly the same way. To compare your own work with someone else’s is to compare your set of skills with someone else’s vastly different set of skills. It’s an inaccurate assessment.

We Make Assumptions

Just as I assumed that you are a perfectionist, and just as I assumed you were raised to compare yourself to others, I’m also assuming that you make assumptions. Everyone does, and that’s the most reasonable assumption anyone can make.

What I’m accusing you of assuming, however, is everyone else’s circumstances. As soon as you mentally grade someone else’s work, you start looking for ways to justify it.

“They did this in X amount of time faster than me.”

“Their work didn’t have this particular flaw that mine had.”

“This looks amazing while my work looks like (baseless insult).”

“My work is so sloppy compared to theirs.”

The issue with this is that even if some of these statements are true, you can’t assume everything about someone else’s creative process. You don’t know precisely how they used their time, what areas they focused on, how much experience they have in what they do, or what their circumstances were. And even if they surpass you in one particular skill, there are likely other areas in which you surpass them. If you can’t find any, that’s fine as well. Just stick with what you’re good at, and do your best to improve your skills based on your reasonable goals.

You’re Good At What You Do Because You Love It

Don’t tell me that you’re not good at anything. That’s another assumption, and it doesn’t work the way you think it does. Being good at something doesn’t refer to how skilled you are in that area. Being good at something refers to your commitment to it.

I, for example, had few, if any, skills until half a year after beginning to write poetry. So what happened in those six months before I became “skilled?” Well, I was proving to myself that I was good at poetry, even though my poems were awful. Nowadays my poems are still only passable, but I can still consider myself to be good at poetry, even if I’m still only somewhat skilled at writing poems.

Being good at something has nothing to do with talent in that area. The only skill involved with being good at something is your ability to love it. If you enjoy doing something, and you’re willing to work hard for years to improve your skills in it, you’re good at it.

You’ve Received (And Given) A Lot Of Generic Feedback

You are egotistical. So am I. So is everyone else. And that’s what ironically makes us assume we’re the least talented of anyone. That’s what’s known as a negative ego. We know we’re not the best, but we struggle to acknowledge that we’re not the worst, either. What’s the source of this negative ego? It’s a constructive feedback deficiency.

Think back on all the compliments you gave that brilliant artist in class. Perhaps you defaulted to lines like “it looks so good,” or “yours is so much better than mine.” This sort of feedback is empty praise. It doesn’t help, and it leaves people fishing for more compliments in order to receive one that has actual substance. After giving so much hollow feedback, it becomes difficult to detect it when you’re the recipient. This leads to an environment in which people give and receive 15-second periods of boosted self esteem. By the 16th second, you’re already looking for another addictive compliment. But like all addictions, dependence on compliments reduces their effects.

When the feedback you receive is so generic, you don’t understand why people enjoy your work, you feel as if you’ve made no progress, and you don’t know how to improve. This is what develops the aforementioned negative ego. You don’t feel as if you’ve gotten any better, so you must still be bad at what you’re doing, right? That must mean that any further compliments you receive are false.

It Can Be Good To Dislike Your Work

You’re dissatisfied with your work because you love what you do, and you want to contribute to your passion. That’s what makes you good at it, but that doesn’t make you an expert.

You’ve already heard that no one is perfect. Don’t expect yourself to be. Your work is imperfect, and it always will be. That’s a fact. But it doesn’t mean you can’t make it better. Acknowledging that your work is flawed is the first step in doing so. But it’s only productive if you can specifically identifywhat those flaws are.

That’s another part of being good at something. In addition to passion, commitment demands the ability to grow, all well as the strength to admit you’re still not there yet. You’ll eventually lose your passion if you never try to make any progress. If you are good at what you do, you won’t treat your current work as if it’s perfect. You know that if you treat something good as if it’s perfect, it can’t become great.

You Shouldn’t Hate Your Work

Despite what your negative ego tells you, you are indeed good at what you do, and it’s because you refuse to give up on it. Telling yourself you’re awful at it is not only false, but also destructive. If you really don’t want to develop your skills at all, that’s how you do it.

Unfair comparisons, assumptions, generic feedback, all of them constitute a fixed mindset. If you always believe you’ll never be as good as someone else, if you believe someone else is better than you in every way, if you don’t recognize what makes your work unique, then you won’t improve.

While being dissatisfied with your work can be productive if it’s handled correctly, hating your work cannot. To hate your work is to discard your passion. If you loathe what you do, there’s no incentive to pursue it. The only way you can be bad at something is by failing to commit to it. You ARE good at what you do. I want you to pursue what you are good at so I can watch you develop your skills and eventually produce spectacular work. And don’t tell me your work isn’t good enough. What do you think growth is all about?