Writing for Wellbeing

Like so many creative people, I struggle with bouts of depression. Indeed, when I was in graduate school, I had to take the MMPI (Minnesota Multi-phasic Personality Inventory) as part of my Test and Measures course. For an exercise in giving personality tests, we were required to take and analyze this 567 word test. Although, I do not test as someone with clinical depression, my professor indicted that I had a pattern typical to writers. This pattern indicates that one is prone to issues with depression and hypomania. In laymen's terms, I am a little bi-polar with some periods of blues and some days of blissful happiness. I am not clinically depressed or manic. However, I like many others, deal with bouts of sadness that appear to perplex the rest of the world. In other words, my blue days don't always appear connected to the quality of my life when viewed from outside.

I suppose that depression, clinical or otherwise, doesn't always appear connected to one's quality of life, but I digress.

I suffered from my first bout of serious sadness when still in middle school. And, yes there were environmental reasons connected with this. However, that isn't the issue. Suffice it to say, I began dealing with real issues of sadness at a fairly young age. I went so far as to express thoughts of dying. Luckily, I wasn't a very imaginative child and disliked pain, so I never made any attempts on my life.

However, it became clear early in life, that I was going to struggle with the blues. As a young person, I would spend extended periods of time struggling with feelings of overwhelming sadness. Luckily, I had a teacher in high school, Ms. Kay Christy, who suggested I write poetry after reading some of my required journal entries. It was due to this suggestion that I began a life long love/hate relationship with writing.

I have written since I was fifteen regardless of whether or not I kept the writing or anyone else ever read it. Indeed, I only shared my writing sparingly. I remember sharing a collection of poetry at an interview I had for college admittance. When I didn't get into the college program I wanted, I (you guessed it) became depressed and stopped sharing my poetry until I was 26.

However, this isn't about my struggles with sharing or publishing my writing. This is about the life-line writing proved to be for me.

I learned while in a master's program for counseling that indeed poetry has been proven clinically beneficial for young people dealing with crisis. In fact, many forms of writing have been scientifically proven to be therapeutic. Somehow, with the intervention of a wonderful teacher, I found the thing best able to help me deal with my inner demons.

By the time I learned of the clinical benefits of writing, I had been treating my own sadness and dealing with my distrust of the world with writing for decades. I had been through what I would consider two significant bouts of prolonged sadness, and yet I managed to function reasonably well on a day to day basis. I was by the time I entered my counseling program, a mother of four with years as an adjunct professor.

It was through my training as a counselor that I began to understand how much my writing had helped me. It was here that I also began to use a writing practice in conjunction with other interventions and skills to intentionally improve my overall well-being and become a generally joyful person.

I continue to deal with sadness on occasion. I have dealt with anxiety and feelings of helplessness at the low points in my life as well. However, I have gotten to the place where I can alter my sense of sadness fairly quickly and effectively.

When I am hit with sadness these days, I am solidly aware of having a choice about whether or not to remain sad. I can sometimes allow myself to explore the sadness if it appears that there is a pattern or something I need to learn from being sad at a given point in time. For example, when my grandmother died a few years ago, I gave myself a period for morning. I knew that I could pull myself out of the sadness if I wished, but I wanted to allow myself to experience and come to understand the loss I was feeling.

However, when I become sad because of momentary difficulties in inter-personal relationships or simple life struggles, I will generally choose another path. I will often journal about what I am feeling to better understand my feelings. This allows me to get a better understanding of myself as I am forced to put my feelings into words. It also allows me to dispel some of the energy behind the negativity that surrounds me. As I'm sure you can imagine, I have a shelf of journals by now. Sometimes, I actually find them helpful when I am writing something and am searching for words to describe what a character is feeling. If I can find a journal entry where I was having those feelings, it is a huge help. Sometimes I can even adapt a whole journal entry to a scene I am writing.

Other Ways to Improve Mood

Needless to say, I use other things to help me improve my mood. I am very fond of using music, meditation, yoga, and physical exercise to help elevate my blue periods. When I find myself sad or lonely, I often take the time to be kind to myself. I do for myself exactly the types of things I would do for a friend or one of my children. I put on some nice music, run a hot bath, get something pleasant to drink, and pull out a good book.

Then I generally allow myself some time to focus only on myself. I take time off of caring for others to care for me. Sometimes I paint. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I watch an old movie. For me the old British comedies are very soothing. If I am really feeling down, or if I am having feelings of low self-confidence, I will practice yoga or do a short meditation. I find that burning candles with my favorite scents or wearing my favorite perfume also helps elevate my mood.

I have learned that soothing all of my senses (taste, sound, sight, touch, and scent) makes for a faster recover to a happy mood. The more of my senses I engage in things that make me feel good, the faster my mood rebounds. When I really don't want to waste time being down, I will treat myself to something for all of my senses at once and generally rebound in a matter of half an hour or so. I keep scented candles, soothing teas, and soft clothing around just as some people keep a first aid kit. I have learned that for my overall well-being I need to support a positive mood more I expect than I need a band-aid or aspirin.

Although I have learned many things to help me alleviate my depressed moods, I really learned to control my mood many years ago when I began writing. I will always be grateful to my tenth grade English teacher for providing what I'm sure was a casual suggestion. Finding writing has greatly improved, if not actually saved, my life.