Why It’s Ok To Just Say “No” When People Make Requests Of You.

In American society, most people still have a certain level of politeness. We feel bad about saying the word “no” to others when we don’t really want to do something. So we often end up doing things we’d rather not do.

If we choose not to do these things out of obligation, we’ll often tell a little white lie to get out of doing something we’d prefer not to do. Which makes us dishonest. We become liars.

Seems to me, that the better move is to learn how to just say, “No.”

Establishing boundaries is an important aspect of adulthood. When people establish healthy boundaries, they can live their best life.

We should realize that if others don’t respect our boundaries, we owe it to ourselves to stay away from those types of people. This helps us create peace within our lives.

Let’s face it: Most of us work hard. Many of us work long hours. Some of us do both. And even more yet do this at two or more jobs. The world is a tough place, financially.

The downtime we have is often a limited resource. It’s the time we spend recharging our batteries. The time we rest our bodies and minds. The all-too-little free moments we spend doing things we actually enjoy, far more than working.

Human beings tend to be social creatures. Many of us enjoy spending a substantial amount of time with friends or family. It’s become customary to accept invites to dinner, movies, BBQs, or get-togethers at people’s homes.

I recently saw a funny meme that said, “My favorite plans are the ones that get canceled at the last minute.” This is so true for me and my Bride.

While we enjoy people, friends, and family, we enjoy them much more in small doses. Infrequently is how I’d describe our desire to get together with people outside of our immediate family.

We’re not anti-social. We don’t wish to avoid the people who invite us to things, most of the time. However, we have a number of factors working against us when it comes to the likelihood we’ll accept a social invitation.

1. We Work Hard and Work Long Hours

My Bride owns and operators her own counseling practice. She also works one day a week at another counseling practice, doing supervision for therapists working with refugees. She also does counseling another day a week at a grade school.

I have no fewer than five income streams from five different businesses. This includes my main source from being a professional writer, being a licensed real estate agent, owning and operating a small carpet cleaning company, and a couple of other smaller side-hustles.

Needless to say, we’re busy. And tired. The best part of the day is when she is finally done with work and heads home. I often work from home as a writer. I also use her office on the weekends and during her days at the other two places she does counseling.

2. We Still Have Three Teenagers Living At Home

We have three teenagers, ages 19, 17, and 16 living at home. They still actually like to be around us. I enjoy hanging out with them far more than people outside of our immediate family.

We enjoy cooking and listening to music together. We have fun playing video games with each other, as well. We have a lot of fun and I realize that the time when they might leave town to go to college or move for jobs is probably closer than we think.

I’d rather spend my limited free time at home with the kids, the place they seem the most comfortable. Sure, we enjoy going places and occasionally they like to go hang out with their friends. But when they’re home, we prefer to be here with them.

3. My Bride and I Enjoy Spending Time Alone With Each Other

This is one aspect of life that we both feel blessed about. We actually LIKE each other. Many married couples love to hang out with friends together or separately because they don’t particularly enjoy time alone together.

We’ve always been the opposite of that during the ten years we’ve been together. We always make each other laugh. We have interesting conversations much of the time. We also both know how to comfortably enjoy silence together.

Watching our streaming channels or NBA games are two of our favorite things. We’ll go out once in a while, but with all the work hours we put in, the last thing we usually feel like doing is leaving the house again.

4. It’s Better For Our Budget Staying At Home

One thing that baffles me about people I see who seem to go out almost daily: How do you AFFORD that? Assuming the average dinner for two with a couple of drinks can easily run you $75, including tip, that can add up.

With as much as we pay in rent these days, I want to get every penny’s worth out of that by being at home. Plus I LOVE to cook. Cooking is my zen.

I can play the music of my choosing as loud as I want while drinking wine and singing along to my tunes. Making a meal for five and a half (the dog) is less than half the cost of going out to eat. Plus it tastes better, I’m a hell of a cook.

I also don’t have to worry about being around a large group of loud, annoying people, ill-mannered small children, germs, or risk getting caught in a mass shooting. That’s a real concern these days.

5. Learning to say “No” Can Make You Feel Empowered

Very few people enjoy being pushed around or guilt-tripped into doing things they don’t really want to do. It can be empowering to learn how to say “No” and establish boundaries.

By doing this, you will feel better about yourself and feel proud you’re taking a stand. You’ll have more free time to do what you actually feel like doing instead of the thing requested of you. I recommend you say “No” in a tactful, respectful way.

But don’t feel obligated to have to explain yourself in detail or lie about why you can’t do something you don’t feel like doing. Instead of saying you “can’t” do something, think of it as you saying you “won’t” do this thing. Explain truthfully and tactfully. It’s then the other person’s duty to accept this in an equally kind and tactful way.

When you are able to comfortably say “No” to social engagements, extended family get-togethers, or invitations to events you really don’t care to attend, you will see how much more peaceful and relaxing life can be. Most people will respect your choices and not give you too much grief about them.

I’m not suggesting you instantly switch to a hermit-like existence. But pick and choose what you say yes to and devote your spare time to. If you love being out of your home constantly, you should feel good about that. Just as those of us who enjoy downtime alone or with close family should feel happy with that choice.

Ultimately, we only have one life. We should live it in the way we feel is best. Having to do things you don’t want to do to please others does not lead to a fulfilling, peaceful existence. Living an obligated life and not being in control of your own choices brings most people down. Stay up.