Why is such a well-behaved child depressed?

I'm sorry, mom, this is my decision"

"Why can't I do anything"...

In recent years, many youth suicides have aroused social concern, and the last words left by some children to the world reflect their little-known inner pain and entanglement.

The "China National Mental Health Development Report (2019-2020)" shows that the detection rate of adolescent depression in 2020 is 24.6%, of which the detection rate of severe depression is 7.4%. "Young people also feel sad." The mental health of young people has become an important test on their growth journey.

How can a child who is usually well-behaved, sensible, and obedient suddenly lose his mind? Achievements, talents, and popularity. Why are these external "halos" not enough to support his happy life? Before the last straw comes, is there really no trace of the stack of pressure? Sweeping away the dust in their hearts may start by walking into their hearts.

Why is such a well-behaved child depressed?

The inner side of "good boy"

"Why do I feel like it!" When she learned that her daughter was diagnosed as severely depressed in the third grade of junior high school, a mother sighed like this while crying to the counselor.

She has read a lot of books about parenting since she was pregnant. Her daughter has also been obedient and well-behaved since she was a child, but the sudden "severe depression" four characters suddenly overturned her previous cognition, and her so-called "scientific parenting" concept also It seems to be ironic.

This mother’s reaction is not an isolated case. For the child’s depression or even suicide choice, the first reaction of many parents is surprise and incomprehension: he is obviously a “good boy who listens to his parents at home, is good at self-management, and performs well in school. ", why are you suddenly depressed?

A child who once confided to a counselor expressed the inner B-side of "good children": I have been asked to be modest to my younger brothers and sisters, to bear the expectations of my parents, and to be a good teacher’s assistant. A role model for the whole class. When I am emotional, I tell myself to be patient. "When I think of living, I have to be patient until one day I no longer greedy for life..." To this day, the counselor still remembers the most intuitive impression of this child-a miserable face.

Under the "chicken baby" trend, academic pressure, online and campus violence, adolescent sensitivity and thoughtfulness, contradictory parent-child relationship...

In fact, the inner world of adolescents is not always carefree and peaceful. Anything that seems insignificant can become the fuse that induces a psychological crisis. Different levels of pressure such as genetics and environment are superimposed. Depression will grow gradually.

The true monologue of "good children" tells us: negative emotions are not absent, but they tend to choose not to mention them. Behind the silence, there may be communication barriers in the parent-child, teacher-student relationship. According to reports, netizens who are often lurking among young people's "death groups" mentioned that more than one young man had said to him that his daily worries had almost no outlet.

An 18-year-old boy told him that he seldom showed his heart to others. His parents felt that he had no worries about food and clothing, and that he was groaning if he was not sick, and the teacher often blamed him. These all made him self-doubt and more and more sensitive. "They have been suppressed for too long, like a gasoline barrel, already full of oil, just a spark to detonate it."

The excessive binding of social responsibility may also make it difficult to express true emotions: the reason why some "good children" are reluctant to speak of pain is precisely because they are too polite and considerate to others, and they are always worried that talking about pain will bring others. Trouble; some children think that those good performances are not because they want to do so, but to please adults; others think that their "dissatisfaction" ideas are wrong, and they are full of self-blame...

To a certain extent, "sensible" is just an illusory appearance after suppressing dissatisfaction.

However, in the opinion of experts, after blocking channels for help, people will become very vulnerable and the risk of psychological crisis will increase. For young people, suppressing negative emotions is all self-digested, and it is easy to fall into an overly absolute, black and white thinking path, and even take over the responsibilities that do not belong to them. For example, some children may think that their parents’ frequent quarrels are all their own responsibilities, or they may wish to “repay” family harmony by studying hard. "It's all I'm not good" has become a typical cognitive misunderstanding that makes many young people step by step into a psychological crisis.

Why is such a well-behaved child depressed?

The soul is dusted, and everything really happens so suddenly?

When a child bluntly says "It doesn't make much sense to live", do you habitually consider him? When a child asks for a transfer many times and thinks that he "cannot do anything", would you just use the phrase "don't think so much" and just pass it by?

In fact, the mental health crisis of adolescents is by no means a cold day. From the generation of negative emotions to the depression that leads to the initiation of suicidal thoughts, at every stage, they will have some abnormal behaviors worthy of attention. In other words, everything is not so "suddenly".

Experts pointed out that 90% of suicides showed obvious signs in advance. "Look at the child's arm." Before adolescents commit suicide, there are often signs of self-harm, such as finding various reasons not to go to school, being depressed, losing appetite, and bleeding from fingers and arms. Therefore, parents and schools should be good at catching similar signals instead of turning a blind eye to them.

In addition, "the person who really wants to commit suicide will not say it" is also a common misunderstanding. "50 Questions about Mental Health in Daily Life" pointed out that people are often more willing to believe that a person who expresses suicidal thoughts is not "serious", and this deliberate or unintentional optimism and neglect may prevent us from helping those who are deeply painful and want People who committed suicide.

Rather than paying attention to the problem after it has gradually deteriorated, people should shift their attention to children and understand their psychological state in time. "I'm too stupid" "I can succeed completely because of shit luck" "My popularity will never be better"...

Why is such a well-behaved child depressed?

In fact, when children show serious underestimation of themselves and pessimism about the future, they are actually at risk of depression. At this time, schools and parents should be vigilant and lead their children to seek professional help when necessary.

"Is this a good person or a bad person?" Just as many children utter the phrase "soul torture" when watching TV dramas, due to the limited cognitive abilities of young people, they may have a tendency to simplify and absoluteize their cognition of things. Minors are caught in a whirlpool of negative emotions.

In the opinion of experts, the lack of dialectical thinking is often due to insufficient guidance and stimulation given by the growth environment. In daily education, children should be guided to objectively and comprehensively understand problems from different aspects such as pros and cons.

Among them, "humility does not mean obliterating facts."

For example, if the exam is very successful, of course, we must thank the teacher's education and the parents' supervision, but the children should realize that this is mainly because of their careful preparation and calm answering. If you have clearly achieved good results, but think that it is entirely due to luck and that you are actually incapable, it is obviously an over-estimation of self-worth.

How to help children get out of trouble

Many children who lack self-confidence and are depressed have parents who love to turn the "harbour" into a "battlefield." In the movie "Miss Bird", the heroine's mother is a typical example of "not talking well": the child said that he wanted to go to a more literate place, and the mother asked "how could I raise you, a self-proclaimed person"; I hope to apply to universities on the East Coast of the United States. My mother mocks, "You can't pass the exam anyway, you can't even get a driver's license."

Why is such a well-behaved child depressed?

It's just different from the heroine in the movie who finally chooses to jump off the car to show her resistance. In real life, most "good kids" will only lose trust in adults in their hearts, and then silently close the door to communication.

"If you need 10 psychological consultations to solve a child's problem, in many cases, parents will have to come 7 times." To improve adolescent depression, parents are precious emotional resources. If the family can provide enough warmth and support, they can help children resist A lot of external stimulation and pressure.

But in reality, many parents are unwilling to change their problematic values, emotional management, and communication mode, making it difficult for children to rebuild trust with their parents, and even "holding back" the solution of the problem.

Once, a child was unable to concentrate on studying because of depression. The doctor told the child’s mother: “Your child is not lazy, but sick. It turns into a limb disease, like a comminuted fracture, so don’t force him now.” But As soon as the parent got home, he sighed and cried and said to the child, "You have tortured me to death." "Please, please study hard." Doing so will only cause greater psychological pressure on the child.

Experts suggest that in communicating with their children, parents and teachers should know how to observe words and colors, and pay attention to the children's facial expressions when speaking. If you find obvious emotional changes, you should guide your children to express their emotions instead of refuting and denying the children's views and feelings at every turn. At the same time, "Parents must learn to survive in an appropriate manner" and believe that their children will grow up and mature slowly, and there is no need to rush to evaluate or guide them.

In recent years, the state has paid more and more attention to the psychological problems of adolescents, and more and more primary and secondary schools have opened psychological consultation rooms and popularized courses. On September 11, 2020, the National Health Commission issued the "Working Plan for Exploring Special Services for the Prevention and Treatment of Depression" and established that by 2022, the public's awareness rate of depression prevention and treatment knowledge will reach 80%, and the awareness rate of students' awareness of prevention and treatment knowledge will reach 80%. 85% and other work targets.

Experts said that guiding students to visit the school’s mental health center, offering mental health courses, and holding public welfare lectures related to depression, etc., not only teaches children the necessary psychological knowledge, but also allows students to have a sense of closeness and trust in the psychological counseling teacher. Lower the threshold for external help. However, many schools still have problems such as limited teachers, insufficient class hours, and personal privacy protection.

Why is such a well-behaved child depressed?

For the role of school psychological counseling, it is like a "triage table." The psychological counseling room in the school is more of a guide and triage function, such as reminding parents and teachers to pay attention to the psychological state of the child, and telling the parents that the child needs to go to the hospital for professional treatment.

"My good friend has depression, how can I help him?" In reality, many psychologists will encounter such problems. As adolescents are immature and have limited ability to deal with such problems, they may also be infected by depression, and there may be greater risks for adolescents to help each other. Therefore, when encountering this kind of situation, through daily science popularization and publicity, tell the teenagers: What you should do best is to encourage your friends to seek help from professionals or teachers.