Why I hug my teddy bear

Struggling with depression and anxiety all my life isn't an easy thing to do. Growing up since early childhood with no therapy and no social support and nobody to talk to about the issues and drama I've been dealing with on my own. It's even harder to do so when I have verbal speech disorder. So, I became a social introvert, just keep to myself and stay away from people who mean spirited, tyrannically, manipulative and critical, even if with some family members, friends, neighbors, teachers and students I grew up with.

But when the chips go down, and I would be placed under intense uncontrolled pressure due to demands and deadlines, facing negative criticisms and confrontations, being yelled at over petty things and nobody there to help me out of situations I was naive about nor comfort me when my feelings get hurt by somebody, I get so overwhelmed by the drama, I busted out crying, running away from them. Sometimes, I ran to my bedroom, crying myself to sleep. Other times, I just sat on my bed, staring into space while clinging on to a pillow in my arms with a very sad conscience for a about an hour or two.

And then one day in my early twenties, I have purchased a Care Bear while shopping at Target. It was Bedtime Bear. I've been wanting a Care Bear when I was a kid back in the 80s when they were first marketed. I've begged my mother to purchase me one when they became popular and I wanted Bedtime Bear because he matched my personality (I was a sleepy head). But my mother couldn't afford it. I was completely disappointed. But I never thought that Care Bears will return to the market in early 2000s. When I saw them on display, I saw it as an opportunity to snag Bedtime when I see one and I had. I was so glad to have purchase him.

Some people think I'm nuts for having Bedtime Bear on my bed and sleeping beside him and took him on vacations with me over the years. But I don't care. All I know is that I have a friend with me who I can turn to in my times of depressive episodes and anxiety and panic attacks. When I'm deeply sad, I hug him close to my heart in seeking comfort. Something most people didn't do for me all my life. He never yelled at me (even at my face), never criticize every mistake I've made nor every accidents I've cause. He never made fun of me nor belittle. He never bullied me nor push me around. He never verbally nor emotionally abusive to me.

All Bedtime Bear does is stare with a smile. Eyes with warm caring expression that eases the pain in my heart. His company has given me some comfort. The kind of unconditional tender, love and care I crave for all my life. Up to an hour later, I feel more relaxed and at peace. It became a personal therapy for me among other things. From then, I understand why the called them Care Bears.