Why does depression exist?

Ever since I got bullied in middle school; I always wonder why depression had to come to me. Nothing I did was bad to the people that bullied me. So why does depression exist? What made it exist and when?! Why are there bad people in this world who want to hurt people so badly? Do you ever wonder that? Do you ever wonder why people bully you or hurt you just for no reason? I do! I always wonder what did I ever do to these people that made them hurt me.

Depression sucks for sure let me tell you that. You start to feel so drained that you don't socialize as often like you do or maybe you still socialize with people. For me it was both socializing and not socializing. I didn't have many friends well I mean I did but I barely talked to them like hello depressed person here! I have to act happy like everything in life that is in my life is practically fine and normal and that I'm happy.

I started to act happy since the 7th grade, there are days when I'm actually happy with my life and some days it isn't happy. I had my ups and downs throughout my 7th-12th grade in school. Now that I'm not in school there are still ups and downs. I have a boyfriend now and he makes me really happy. I think I'm starting to forget the bad stuff but I think it's still there on days when I can't handle it. My workplace is just I'm not sure how to describe it without talking bad about it you know. I mean I guess my workplace is alright but sometimes I just wanna leave that place right now. I want something better where I can be me.

Am I still depressed to this day? Of course, I am! But wait you have a boyfriend don't you? Yeah, I do have a boyfriend; so doesn't he make you happy and not depressed? Well yes; so why are you still depressed if you have a boyfriend? That I don't know, I think once depression is there it can't go away instantly, it takes time to go away. Do I want to get help for it? No, I don't want help; I don't like talking about it to strangers. Well, we're strangers Gracie, after all, you're writing this to us. That I have to agree. I am writing this to you after all.

When it first started I would be so sad that I would have to eat something I like to help calm me down while I cried because I couldn't fathom well comprehend I'm not quite sure what fathom means but who cares, I think you know what I mean I hope.

This song that I heard by Demi Lovato a long time ago from her Neon Lights album was just wow, it really describes what I go through. The song lyrics are:

This is a story that I have never told; I gotta get this off my chest to let it go. I need to take back the light inside you stole, You're a criminal And you steal like you're a pro. All the pain and the truth, I wear like a battle wound So ashamed, so confused. I was broken and bruised. Now I'm a warrior, now I've got thicker skin. I'm a warrior I'm stronger than I've ever been And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in I'm a warrior And you can never hurt me again.

Out of the ashes, I'm burning like a fire. You can save your apologies, you're nothing but a liar. I've got shame, I've got scars. That I will never show, I'm a survivor In more ways than you know 'Cause all the pain and the truth. I wear like a battle wound, So ashamed, so confused, I'm not broken or bruised. Cause now I'm a warrior, now I've got thicker skin. I'm a warrior, I'm stronger than I've ever been And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in. I'm a warrior And you can never hurt me. There's a part of me I can't get back.

A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once, I'll never be the same. Now I'm taking back my life today. Nothing left that you can say 'Cause you were never gonna take the blame anyway. Now I'm a warrior, I've got thicker skin. I'm a warrior, I'm stronger than I've ever been And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in. I'm a warrior And you can never hurt me again No oh yeah yeah. You can never hurt me again.

When I heard that song by Demi Lovato my heart just dropped literally because that describes what I go through. I heard that song from her concert from her neon lights tour. I cried I think.

I want you to know that no matter what you go through you're gonna get through it. Yeah depression is tough it really is. It can't go away, it's gonna take years and years to have that go away fully. I'm still going through it, my boyfriend keeps me going and hopefully it will go away once he and I are married. He is all I have, I don't have many friends and I don't go out as much.

I sometimes think that depression should never exist ever in this world you know. Maybe we wouldn't be depressed and that everything will be fine just the way it is if people didn't treat us so badly and hurt others intentionally without knowing their story and stuff or what they go through.

Maybe people bully people randomly because either they were bullied as kids or is being abused by their parents, who knows.