Where Are You From? The Question That Triggers an Identity Crisis.

Born in Zimbabwe. Raised in Birmingham, England. Moved for university. Briefly moved countries. Not having stayed still in this wonderful life has meant sometimes, I don’t know how to answer the simple question of where I’m from. The answer I give, may or may not be satisfying enough for the recipient, therefore, I’m forced to give a life story on some occasions or sometimes briefly panic upon hearing the simple phrase, “where are you from?”. It all comes from the concept of identity and the role it plays in our lives. For some it is simpler, then for the remaining lot it is a deep dive into our lives and what makes up our identity.

What is identity?

Identity is described by Google dictionary as ‘the fact of being who or what a person or a thing is’. Social sciences Wikipedia goes on to extend the definition by stating: Identity is the qualities, beliefs, personality, looks and/or expressions that make a person or group, in psychology. Categorizing identity can be positive or destructive. A psychological identity relates to self-image, self-esteem, and individuality.

Under this definition I prefer to refer to person as for me I am a black woman – two entities I cannot separate because they need to be viewed together in order for people to understand I may operate in this world. Then additionally, I am a kind, friendly, funny, loud, curious, pensive but adventurous bookworm with a passion for writing. This is my identity when you strip away borders, sexualities, age, class etc. No matter where I have been in the world, that identity is I hope people take from me when they meet me. However, that identity cannot answer the question of where I am from. I feel reduced to a place when I answer that question, so maybe that is the reason for my panic. Tying your identity to a place seems likes picking a place to represent and when you come from many places, therefore, have rooted your identity in self, it’s difficult to have a straight answer. Furthermore, identifying with places has its tricky side as our daily lives and experiences will affect which place you choose to identify with.

For example, being an immigrant is integral to my experience of identity and it affects how I occupy the spaces of which I am in. Amid the recent controversies and debates about racism within society, the feelings I have as an immigrant become heighten. For starters, I feel that it does not matter how much you contribute in this society because the feelings of those around you can lead you to imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. 'Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence. Even if you play ‘the good immigrant’, there has been a hostile environment created by the media and politics that makes it hard for immigrants to feel at ease. You could have been born here, you could have only a British passport, your assimilation can be 100%, but there are people that exist who feel that if you don’t look a particular way, then you don’t belong and if many people hold a similar view or the most powerful hold that same rhetoric, then it can make it difficult for you to claim where you belong/where you are from. I have lived in the same house for sixteen years of my life, called this small Birmingham house my home since I was six and seen many people come and go on my road. However, if I were to simply answer someone that I’m from Birmingham when asked where I am from, I would be questioned further. Not being Caucasian means to some that I cannot claim this house as my home, England as my home, Britain as my home, but being black in a predominantly white setting is a reason why my imposter syndrome lives with me like a shadow. Then on the flip side, the other place I could call home I feel so far removed from. Having only spent the early immemorable years of my life in Zimbabwe, there is not a lot of it that is familiar. Although raised with elements of its culture in my childhood, it is still unfamiliar and I know I am viewed with otherness whenever I go back, because of the differences of here and there.

Overall, I feel that the place where I am from cannot be fixed. Really finding a place I truly feel I can call home is very hard in a world where your identity is judged and verified by the thoughts and words of others. That’s the most daunting aspect of answering “where are you from?” because sometimes I just don’t feel strongly tied to anywhere to make up the decision for myself. It’s a dilemma understood by some and not all. The solution may be to settle down somewhere and call it home regardless of what people say. Another may be to stick to the origins story and other yourself from your surroundings. Another option is to just simply say earth and move on. All I know is that I’m still getting to grips with my identity in perspective to the world and hopefully one day I’ll be able to answer without having a mini panic attack about my potential answer.