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When Your Anxiety Decides to Win

It feels horrible. It feels like nothing will get better, until it does.

By Madison ZygadloPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Credit: Unsplash

Rolling over to check the time and to check your phone like it's the morning newspaper. Looking through everything that happened while you were asleep, avoiding your adult life and responsibilities. You now are having all the feelings come back to you, and instantly, your day is automatically ruined.

This is a day when your anxiety decides to win.

This is a day that makes it really, really hard to get out of bed. Not because you just don't feel like going to work or class, but because you're irritable, feel like you cannot breathe, and you just might end up having a breakdown, not wanting anyone else to be around or see.

The simple task of getting up to brush your teeth sounds more like a grueling task rather than one that you do every day with no thought put into it. You automatically go back to lay in bed, feeling more of a numb feeling.

You feel tired, you feel sick, you feel almost lifeless.

Everything seems like a task you’ll never be able to finish, whether it’s cleaning the dishes from three days ago in the sink or walking your dog because he needs to pee. Your brain is on complete overdrive, thinking about every possible thing that you can handle until it completely boils over.

This is a day when your anxiety decides to win.

Most days, things can go well. Nothing really seems to be bothering you; everything is fine.

Then it happens. The thoughts start circulating through your mind and you feel like it’s a vicious cycle that never seems to end. You feel like it’ll never be over, and there's nothing you can do about it. You take everything and over-analyze it. A person may look at you because they’re going to ask for extra ranch and you think you did something wrong. One of your coworkers said something that you think was directed towards you when it wasn’t. Everything feels like it’s against you, with the worst part feeling like you cannot control your emotions, which heightens everything and, yet again, makes it so much worse.

You come home to what you feel like is your safe place, lock the door behind you, thinking it might just get better because you’re here with the person you love and your animals. You lay on the couch to focus on something else and you realize your friends are doing things without you. This doesn’t bother you when you are in a better state of mind, it bothers you now and makes you think that they don’t like you. As silly as it sounds, when you’re an adult, it does happen. You could see someone share a meme and it hits you all over again.

Your anxiety sometimes feels like it’s uncontrollable. It feels like it almost consumes your life, but it doesn’t have to. You don’t need to let it consume you, ruin your day, week, or month. You can take action to make it a little easier on you so you don’t come home and not do all the things you were supposed to do.

I have dealt with this for what seems like forever, but I started to realize a bigger problem almost four years ago. I started to realize these thoughts, actions, and panic attacks weren’t normal. I sought out help because I couldn’t control this on my own. I decided to find a therapist, because I thought who else better could help me than someone who is professionally trained to deal with this? I know this sounds easier said than done for most people. I just had enough. She taught me many ways for me to personally calm myself down physically and mentally. Though I haven’t gone in two years, I have so many tools and ways now to help myself so when these days happen, I feel like I have some actual control of myself.

Talk to somebody; friend, coworker, grandmother, parent, anybody. Even if they can’t help you, they may be able to direct you to somebody who can. That person may be able to help you by just listening and telling you that they care.

Don’t be afraid to admit that you need help. Coming from someone who is extremely independent, it is hard to admit, but once you do, things do seem to get better. Anxiety doesn’t always have to ruin your day or mood. You can fight it and make yourself feel better.

Take care of yourself.

anxiety
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About the Creator

Madison Zygadlo

Just getting through with my two kitties and a dog named Miller.

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