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What to Do

A Ramble About Life, Following an Unknown Path and Having No Conclusions

By Mochi MiranguePublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Credit to Andy Warhol.

This is just a simple rant that every 18-year-old has to go through, and it can be summed up quite nicely: I don't know what the fuck to do.

Let's start of simply—what happens when a person is 18? Well, university of course! I've always been quite good at school, grades weren't an issue for me, always did everything on time and so on, so of course, university is a logical next step to this, isn't it?

Well, that was what I thought too for a while. All the way from when I was 12 or 13, back when I was thinking of what GCSE's I should take I was already thinking of what would best ensure that I would get into university. And so, I picked the hardest subjects and way more than I really needed to, and this has led me to where I am now, with most doors into university still open for me.

So all is good, right? That's what everyone around me thinks at least.

And I was the same for so damn long.

But now, at the moment when I am so so close to starting, only a slither away from being an undergraduate, I feel as if I have walked into some invisible barrier.

I just don't know.

I don't know what the fuck to do. University sounds great in some ways, I love physics and to study that, well university is the only option for that it seems, yet there is so much more I want to do with my life.

What about my passions and interests that have become lost as the years go by? Languages for example, that was a big part of my interests, but being told time and time again that languages are useless, that it won't bring me any money in the future, that interest has become lost in the void.

What about writing? Something that I am picking up once again (as evidenced by this very rant), and it would be nice to focus more time and energy into something like this, but yet again, I have been told time and time again that "writing is a hobby, not something you can do with your life."

And yet again, another hobby has disappeared into the void.

I often think and worry about just how many parts of me lie in the void, all of the pieces of interests that I have forced out of myself. Arts, music, creativity in general. All is gone.

All that is left, is a useless unmotivated drive for university.

And now I don't know what to do.

A summer away from education has cleared up my mind for sure, but instead of it helping me know what I want to do, it has made everything worse. I love this freedom, I love not having to stress over grades and reports and slaving over a book the night before an exam. I love this. But I know that this won't last forever, that eventually even this will get dull and that I will want to do something else.

And that is a problem for my generation in a way—we just don't know what to do. There is simply too much that we can do, too much for us to choose from.

And in a sense, it seems as if none of the options are right. Not a single one.

So what does a person like me do? What can someone like me do? Someone who seems so small and insignificant to this whole mess?

Well, I have come to a simple conclusion, that there is nothing I can do.

Nothing.

Accepting that has put a big weight off my chest in a way, knowing that there is nothing I can do, nothing that there is nothing that my whole generation can do—it's nice knowing that I'm not the only one who is confused.

Is there a conclusion to this mess? No. There is no conclusion. Make of it what you will. This was simply a rant, but I feel that many could relate to this rant in a way.

anxiety
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About the Creator

Mochi Mirangue

Science freak | Philosophy nerd | Anxious person

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