What it's like to get a call before or after a suicide attempt

by Lena Bailey 8 days ago in depression

my experience

What it's like to get a call before or after a suicide attempt

So I want to say a few things before I write this post. This is mostly based on my experience and it doesn't reflect what everyone goes through. Also a trigger warning is in affect. Lastly before we get started if you are someone you know is suicidal call the suicide hotline number. You can also go to any emergency room to receive help.

I was dating this guy for like 6 to 8 months when the suicide attempt happened. When we first met the guy had told me that he has depression. At the time I was kind of freaked out but I learned to kind of deal with it. He never really gave any indication that suicide was an option from him. It put me in a sense of security when nothing happened.

Then it happened. We had plans the next day but then started to act weird. He started to not respond and when he did he told me to leave him alone. He had told me that his mama had kind of squashed the plans or at least made it harder for our plans to happen. So I called someone that at the time was a friend. I was at a friend's so I had to sit outside as to not disturb anyone. When I was talking to my former friend the boyfriend called. When I switched over to the boyfriend he told me that he had plans to kill himself. I am not going to disclose his plan and whether or not he already started the plan. I freaked out and went into the house and pretty much announced to the group what was going on. Mama had brought me and was there because it was a mutual friend. She took me home and I have felt bad that I made her leave pretty much. He was sent to the hospital. He got help and that's what is important.

That night changed everything. It took me out of the sense of security that I had. I had learned that this isn't the first time that he tried to end his life. We are in each other's life still and I still get freaked out when I don't hear from him in a while. I'm relearning to get back into the state of I won't worry until there is something to worry about. Now to what it's like to get this call.

To get a call of this sort is one of the most traumatic things a person can go through or experience. Even if you don't have anxiety you will experience something that feels like a panic attack. You may feel like someone just hit you in the gut or chest. I cried so hard that night.

After I got home and I got over the crying. I got mad, so mad. It was that how dare he do this kind of mad. That night I fell out of love with him and I felt like I didn't care if he was dead. The anger and all of the negative feelings went away. The next day when he called me I just wanted to take care of him. That's the funny thing you kind of grieve then all you want to do is take care of the person who attempted suicide. I realized he was sick and he didn't mean it.

If someone you know has attempted suicide realize they are sick and they need help. You're allowed to be mad at them. Don't blame yourself for what they did. Whatever you wish you would have done do it now for someone else and the survivor of the attempt. Reach out to your friends, don't reason it away if you really think something is wrong.

Lena Bailey
Lena Bailey
Read next: Never In the Cover of Night
Lena Bailey

A hot mess with a heart of gold. Kinky, nerdy and maybe part witch

If you have any questions or comments email me, [email protected]

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