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What is the most fundamental reason for people's lack of self-confidence?

It's the same life, why not be more confident?

By DerasomPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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two reasons

1. Not really allowing oneself to make mistakes and take on mistakes, and this thought is the most basic source of self-confidence

Allowing yourself to make mistakes is a prerequisite for gaining basic self-confidence.

If you do not allow yourself to make mistakes, you are depriving yourself of the most basic self-confidence as a human being.

Many people are not incapable, nor do they have no guidance on how to do it, but they are afraid of making mistakes

They are afraid of strong negative emotions after they make mistakes, including denying their worth, giving up on themselves, thinking that they are worthless, etc.

It is often seen that after being severely reprimanded by others for a certain mistake, you dare not continue to try. When you pursue a girl, the girl doesn't like you, so she is not interested in her self-worth, etc., and similar things belong to this situation.

The long-term reasons can basically be attributed to the fact that the parents in the original family are too strict, too strict, severely criticize the child if there is a slight mistake, and at the same time have a strong desire to control the child

Such children will indeed be afraid of making mistakes when they grow up, and choose to close themselves to protect themselves from being hurt

So, the solution to this is actually very simple

It's about acknowledging your own inadequacies or mistakes and facing them

If you offend others, take the initiative to apologize to them

If you fail to pursue a girl, don't stalk you, say goodbye to the other party and continue your life

If you make a mistake in work or study, after letting the other party vent, apologize and correct it

When you really face mistakes, you will find that mistakes are not so terrible. Your fear of them is just an amplification of the negative emotions in your heart.

Once you choose to face it, these things are really self-defeating

2. Failing to do things that you truly recognize, but this is a higher stage of self-confidence, that is, self-realization

The things you truly recognize can be big or small.

Including but not limited to: losing weight successfully, winning a competition, how much money you made, meeting your savings goals

and many more

In other words, as long as it is a goal that you truly recognize and want to do, you do it and achieve it, the things you accomplish will bring you a steady stream of self-confidence in the future.

When you are at a low point in your life and feel that you are worthless, you can think that you have done these things before, and you are not worthless

When others deny your value, you will have confidence, because you have done something, you are not useless

So to sum up

1. Allow yourself to make mistakes and try to accept mistakes, from saying the wrong thing to apologizing for the person you hurt, you can do it

2. Find some goals that you recognize, to achieve them, actively participate in competition, constantly achieve self-transcendence, and pursue self-realization

When you do these two things, you have solved the root cause of your lack of self-confidence

At least that's what I did

add another point

Although there are many ways to achieve self-worth and pursue self-confidence

But if you don't gain the most basic self-confidence: allowing and facing yourself to make mistakes and do something bad

Then no matter how much you pursue self-worth and self-realization, it is useless

By analogy, basic self-confidence is equivalent to the foundation, and advanced self-confidence is equivalent to the building above

When you have basic self-confidence, it only makes sense for you to realize self-worth and pursue self-realization

Otherwise, the more you pursue self-realization and self-worth, it will actually increase your unconfidence.

Because the purpose of your pursuit of self-realization and self-worth is not to please yourself, not to make yourself happier, but to prove yourself, to prove that you cannot make mistakes, to prove that you can do good things

A person without basic self-confidence has accomplished something that he recognizes. In a short time, he will become very confident.

But as time goes on, he starts to get anxious and wonders if he can do these things, so he repeats them, or

I went around telling others how powerful I was at the time, and I did a lot of things to prove that I can still be confident.

Once he can't do the original thing, or someone does better than him, he will fall into a deeper self-blame and helplessness than before.

Because he can't prove to himself that he can be confident.

In the eyes of such people, self-confidence is something that needs to be done, something that can only be obtained by achieving it.

Such self-confidence is just a flash in the pan

So please be kind to yourself and be tolerant

You are human, you will make mistakes, you will do bad things, and your talent is likely to be mediocre

But making mistakes can't hide your value, and being worse than others won't affect your contribution in this society. You always have things you can do well.

And after being tolerant and kind to yourself, plus what you can do, the value you can provide to the society, friends, and family, is all your self-confidence.

depression
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