Wahalalafia (Pt. 10)

by Marie Osuamoh about a year ago in bipolar

My Talk for Bipolar Disorder

Wahalalafia (Pt. 10)

Heyyy sorry for the delay.

I think I want a dog, or a cat, and I'm going to name her Ignatia, or if it's a he, Ignatius.

I love really random, crazy names. I'm so tired. exhausted. I've just come in after a pizza date with my therapist (let's call her Jane). She's amazing, and transparent, which is always a good quality in a therapist.

I'm so exhausted man, but I cant help but write. I think writing helps me to process my thoughts. I am honest about how I'm feeling.

I do feel a little bit jittery and bloated. (I know I've gained weight.) I'm going to the gym tomorrow. Monday is always tomorrow. I get gym anxiety for some reason. I have been to the classes and have made a gay best friend, but still feel inadequate. I have no idea why. Maybe because it's in a place where people are going there to improve their physical prowess and, therefore, the physical prowess is glorified and there can be scrutiny.

You know what? Whatever. I need to improve my body, so I will do it. It does not matter if I mess up. Whatever. If I look like an absolute hog, it doesn't matter.

Yesterday, I had a lovely conversation with my cousin who has dyslexia, but is a very good artist. She is so intellectual and brilliant. She, like me, has been misunderstood in her behaviour, and maybe in her language. Sometimes the way she communicates is not that easy to understand, but she speaks through her paintings. She's amazing.

Sometimes people who are artistic are the most misunderstood. I did tell her that she should not be hard on herself, otherwise, she will arrive on Breakdown Boulevard. I also told her that she does not have to constantly study to show herself approval. (We as Nigerians are so Biblical in our way of life.) Nah, I'm not going to study frog species just to please auntie. I'm talking to help a friend who is trying to lose weight, but people are pointing it out.

Like why the fudge do you have to point out what may or may not be obvious? Do I point out that you may be fat yourself? Keep in your lane, sis.

Anyway, rant over. I'm in charge of my life and destiny. If I want to get married, I'll get married. Anywhoo, I think I've gotten everything off my chest. My therapist says that you know when you know when you’re ready to get married. I mean, let’s face it, if you are together for six-plus years, you might as well get married!

I’m listening to gospel and for some reason it calms me. I think there’s a spiritual sensitivity. I know that I’m a very spiritually sensitive person. I feel things on a very deep level. Sometimes it has nothing to do with religion. Religion has little to do with true spirituality, it’s something that few people understand. Religion is not relationship and relationship is not religion.

Anyway, I’m not going to determine what spiritual journey you should take. Go with the flow. 😀

Anyway, I’m hungry. I love sausages hahaha. Why are my thoughts so random?

I know it’s been a while, my mind has been in its own world. Wahalalafia has been staying for a long time.

I’d like to become a gym bunny. I find that when I exercise the endorphins are released, and it’s like a party in my head! Great, right? Also, who knows, maybe Wahalalafia may play Cupid in the gym. 🤪

Anyway, let’s take it from here.

Marie Osuamoh
Marie Osuamoh
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Marie Osuamoh

I am what I am. 🤪 ok jokes aside, I’m a 25 year old british Nigerian, with cyclothymia. Trying to understand and navigate life, through music, art and everything in between.

See all posts by Marie Osuamoh