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Vocal Media Helped With My Depression

by Dharrsheena Raja Segarran 10 days ago in support
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Vocal Media is my Knight in Shining Armour

Vocal Media Helped With My Depression
Photo by Lacie Slezak on Unsplash

My earliest memory of having had suicidal thoughts was when I was ten years old. I don’t remember what triggered it but I remember not wanting to be alive anymore. I was so done with life and I just wanted out.

Over the years, my suicidal thoughts became more frequent and more difficult to deal with. I started self-harming when I was a teenager as a coping mechanism.

I saw my mental health crumble right inside of me but I didn’t ask for help because mental health isn’t perceived the same as physical health. Mental health is a taboo topic.

I was an unstable human being who was always on the verge of a mental breakdown which I’ve already had too many to keep track of. Nobody knew about this because I always put on my ‘Happy Mask’.

I was bullied all throughout kindergarten, school, university, and even at work! I just couldn’t stand up for myself. Even my family members and relatives bullied me. Not my parents though. They are the best people in my life.

I never told my parents anything. Other than bullying, I’ve experienced many more traumatic events in my life but that is a story for another time.

Today, we're focusing on how Vocal Media helped with my depression.

February 2019

I joined a new workplace where I worked as a Retail Nutritionist. This was when my mental health plunged to the lowest that it can.

This new workplace was brimming with toxicity. I wasn’t the only victim there but as my mental health was already at an all-time low, it took a very heavy toll on me.

Among the things that went on there were negative communication, exclusion and gossipy behaviour, narcissistic leadership, high employee turnover, no work-life balance, extreme burnout, work duties were purposely misled with unclear instructions, denial of leave approval without a valid reason, public humiliation, harsh criticism and excessive performance monitoring.

January 2021

Two years later, it came to the point where I became incompetent at work as I got overwhelmed and stressed very easily due to enduring all those toxicity daily for the past two years.

I had panic attacks daily when I parked my car before going into work. I even had panic attacks during work but still managed to help customers with my ‘Happy Mask’.

And thanks to the face mask we all wore due to Covid-19, no one saw me hyperventilating or my tears caused by my panic attacks.

Then came a point where my ‘Happy Mask’ broke. I just couldn’t pretend anymore. My coworkers started to notice the changes in my behaviour and mood.

May 2021

I decided to quit my job and seek psychiatric help. I just couldn’t take it anymore. There was just too much gaslighting going on at work. I knew I would end up in some sort of mental asylum soon if I didn’t quit.

I thought after quitting I would feel better but it didn’t. I had no motivation to do anything. I couldn’t even watch a movie or scroll through social media. I couldn’t do anything that I previously enjoyed. I just stayed in bed for hours daily.

By Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash

June 2021

During my first appointment with my psychiatrist, Dr. Salina, she diagnosed me with Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD) which is a type of major depression, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), agoraphobia which is a type social anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and sensory overload which is a feature of autism.

I then started taking psychiatric medications but I couldn’t see any difference yet. Suicidal thoughts repeated in my mind as often as we inhale and exhale.

August 2021

My third appointment with Dr. Salina was postponed to November 2021 due to the sudden rise of Covid-19 cases. I felt lost. I started having frequent panic attacks and mental breakdowns again.

October 2021

I committed suicide but given the fact that I’m writing this, I obviously failed. I was hospitalized for two days and managed to get an appointment to meet Dr. Salina the following week.

Dr. Salina changed my medications. She was in shock when I said I still had suicidal thoughts but I gave her my word that I would not do it again. I really wanted to get better.

November 2021

My dear cat, Susin, passed away. He was just four and a half years old. He suffered from Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (FIV) which has no cure. I was devastated. My mental health became even worse after this.

February 2022

Although not a day went by without me thinking of my cat, I finally managed to accept his passing.

During this time, my parents and Dr. Salina encouraged me to dig deep into my soul to find out what were my interests. They said I had to do something that I truly like in order to reduce my suicidal thoughts.

I hated everything in life at that point and I couldn’t even do simple things that I used to enjoy. But one fine day, it hit me! Writing! I loved to write! Even as a kid I would submit a four-page essay when my classmates only submitted one.

I loved to write horror and thriller stories. My depression and anxiety have made me into this crazy over-thinking woman. So I’ve always had a lot of ideas swimming in my brain.

By Randalyn Hill on Unsplash

March 2022

I told Dr. Salina about my passion for writing. She told me to go for it. I was hesitant because the last I wrote was in 2008 so I was afraid I might have lost my touch but she strongly encouraged me.

I started to write but it always ended up in mental breakdowns and panic attacks because I couldn’t do the simple task of putting my storyline into words and developing dialogues for the characters.

I told Dr. Salina about this at my next appointment and she said it’s because I want my story to be perfect. She said I was putting too much pressure on myself.

She suggested I write only to how much my capacity allowed at that moment and that it didn’t have to be perfect.

I sighed, “Even if I manage to write it, what’s the point? No one is going to read it.”

“Are you writing because you like it or because you want someone to read it?” she asked.

“Because I like it”, I answered to which she replied, “That’s it, you are doing this for you. And if you want others to read your stories, you can always post it online.”

And that was how I discovered Vocal Media.

It took me almost one month to finish my story. That was a very long time considering the fact that my story had no dialogues and was just 800 plus words.

But I was proud of myself. I managed to create something despite my depression. The thought of posting it on Vocal Media fueled me.

April 2022

I posted my first story, Fiery Opportunity. Then I modified two of my older stories and posted them as well. These then lead to more mental breakdowns because no one was reading them.

Then I came across these groups on Facebook where Vocal Creators post their stories and read the stories of other creators. I joined those groups and started posting my stories there.

I’m so glad I did that, not only because my stories were getting reads but mainly because I made so many nice and kind-hearted friends who happen to be such talented writers.

May 2022

I’ve already posted seventeen stories within one month in Vocal Media excluding this one. It may not sound like a big achievement but I’m proud of myself because I never thought I would be able to come this far.

Vocal Media has really helped a lot with my depression. I don’t stay in bed for the whole day anymore. Instead, I’m always doing something Vocal-related.

I’m always either writing a new story, modifying it, doing research for my next piece, posting my stories in groups, or reading the stories of other creators.

Also thanks to Vocal Media, I found my hidden talent! Poetry! My teenage self would not have believed this if you were to tell her.

I’m starting to feel happy again and I feel like I want to live to see how far I can go with my writing.

I sincerely thank my parents and Dr. Salina for all their support but an even bigger thanks to Vocal Media which helped me slowly come out of my crippling depression.

I still have panic attacks and mental breakdowns but it has reduced thanks to Vocal. These things take time.

To those who are also suffering from mental health issues, I hope things get better for you as they did for me.
___________________________________________
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you liked my writing, please subscribe and click the little heart below this piece or near my name, at the top of this page.

This is the first story I posted on Vocal:


This is the first poem I wrote and the discovery of my hidden talent:

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About the author

Dharrsheena Raja Segarran

I'm a Certified Nutritionist 🌱 who loves to write ✒️
These are what I mostly write:
〰️ Fiction (Horror/Thriller)
〰️ True Crime Articles
〰️ Poetry (Horror/Thriller)
〰️ Health and Nutrition Articles
〰️ Anything That Piqued My Interest

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Comments (18)

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  • Babs Iversonabout an hour ago

    Writing for yourself can be therapeutic and healing. Continue your writing journey. Your story was very courageous and inspirational.💕

  • Lawrence Edward Hincheeabout 3 hours ago

    I know how you feel. After being arrested, I have lost all trust in police and the criminal justice system. Then came the diagnoses, PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I am homeless, and I have had to cancel appointments with my psychiatrist because my probation is in Colorado. I have applied for it to be moved to Virginia where all my doctors are and I haven't heard anything. So my depression is getting worse.

  • Catherine Kenwellabout 3 hours ago

    Darrsheena, thank you for your candid story. This is brilliant--what a great way to learn to express yourself and curb your suicidal tendencies. Yep, I've been there too, so I hear you. Keep an eye on your meds, and if they're not working or your symptoms change, go to see your good doc. I had to shift meds a few times before we got it right. What a blessing your writing is...we share a lot of the same genre interests too, so look for me--I'm subscribing to you! Take good care.

  • Julie Lacksonenabout 6 hours ago

    I’m so glad that you found a means to express yourself! Congratulations for being a warrior in your own life story. All the best!

  • Kirsten Ivattsabout 7 hours ago

    You are amazing! Did you know? Your write with authentic voice and share a subject that is very hard to acknowledge to anyone. And SO many people need to read articles like this. Keep going. <3

  • Kelli Sheckler-Amsdenabout 10 hours ago

    Thank you for sharing this. It is a difficult subject for so many. Writing is therapeutic and beneficial. Sharing your story, in this way, is healing for both writer and reader ❤️

  • Mariann Carrollabout 10 hours ago

    Namaste, the universe love you. I am glad you are on vocal. Looking forward to reading your stories on Vocal kind soul. ♥️🦋👏”om”……

  • Colleen Millsteedabout 12 hours ago

    You’ve come a long way and you’re an inspiration. Keep moving forward and don’t hesitate to contact me if you ever need to talk.

  • Yasmin Fonseca5 days ago

    Keep writing on you strong and brave soul. You got this, love.

  • ALISHA ROSS7 days ago

    My boyfriend left me for another girl for some silly reasons. He keeps telling me that I am nothing to him. He said he wants to be with the other girl. that he has no feeling for me anymore. This started more than one month ago. By this time he also speaks to me but not in his own mood or to rebuild our relationship. He does so because I request him to be with me at least for some hours or some minute… we talk only once …but I can’t stay without him. I want him back.. I was really worried and I needed help, so I searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Lord Zuma can help get ex lover back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do, and I did it then he did a Love spell for me. Some hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he misses me so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day, with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pain he caused me when he left. Then from that day, our relationship was now stronger than how it was before, All thanks to Lord Zuma. he is so powerful and I decided to share my happiness on the internet that Lord Zuma is real. if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact Lord Zuma now. Here’s his email: [email protected] or WhatsApp him: +1 506 800 1647 https://www.facebook.com/lordzumazuk

  • I hope you continue to write. You will do well.

  • Valérie Rowe9 days ago

    You're doing great, keep writing! ❤ You've got this ☺

  • Venkata Rambabu9 days ago

    Thank you for sharing your heart touched story.

  • Thank you for sharing Dharrsheena sending hugs and support

  • Carol Townend10 days ago

    I too went through a lot with my mental health, and I have written stories about that here. Vocal opened up my eyes to my creative side, and when I first joined I was sticking with tight niches. Now I write a lot of things, and like you, Vocal helped me with my mental health. Welcome, and it's great that you are sharing your stories

  • Kyra Lopez10 days ago

    This is very relatable and I absolutely admire your story! I also deal with depression and anxiety disorder on the daily, and its nice to be in connection with other writers who go through the same things. Thank you for relaying those emotions so clearly in your writing!

  • Fandom Scribe10 days ago

    If I could I would reach through this screen and give you a big hug! You narrated your story really well and it was very easy to follow. I could feel your emotions in your words very clearly. I myself have struggled with depression and it is always a battle to enjoy life to the fullest. I remind myself to take it day by day and that I am surrounded by people who care about me. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better! Writing is a great tool and hobby to have at your disposal. Keep up the great work! We can do this!

  • si bouze10 days ago

    love this

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