Beyond the Blues
Beyond the Blues

Understanding Depression

My experience of people with depression

Understanding Depression

I have no idea what depression is and how it looks like. I thought you could either be sad and happy but have no amount of sadness that can destroy a human life. I came to know this only when I went to the Western world and having two past relationships in which they both have depression. I’ve seen all sentiments on Facebook and how important to address a problem that’s eating away the minds of affected people. This type of mental illness is dangerous and unpredictable. How can we solve a problem that is spread out and no objective kind of healing that can swiftly eradicate its symptoms? I have been interested in this subject because I have encountered it and experienced it with people that were once involved in my life. I guess it is just right to understand what it is and how we can prevent this from happening or how to alleviate the problem if it’s happening to your loved ones.

What is Depression? — Is sadness a depression?

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called a major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think, and behave, leading to a variety of emotional and physical problems.

While sadness is just a brief response to a loss, problems, or disappointments, depression is persistent and consistent in a way that there is no escape. It ruins your mental capacity to rationalize and calm yourself. Sadness goes away quickly, and it is part of being human to be sad and a normal reaction to negative and saddening things.

Depression is taking sadness to another level. When you have persistent sadness, then it can be classified as a depression. Sadness or persistent sadness is an indicator that you are emerging into a depressive state.

Depression affects your way of life. It changes your way of thinking, and you are more prone to being recklessly negative about everything, and you just don’t wanna deal with anyone and is okay being on your own for long periods. It is worst than sadness. It always affects your mood. It doesn’t give you a chance to eat properly, and it twists your idea of balance and sense of right and wrong. You feel hopeless and worthless, and the whole idea of existence doesn’t play well with your desire to live. It stops your will to live and your interests in many things. In other words, depression is a killer. It slowly disarms you of the cognitive ability to judge rationally and treat everything as a threat and just adding to your misery.

Symptoms of Depression

Trouble with Sleeping – you may be restless, having bouts of insomnia and cannot sleep all night because your mind won’t let you.

mood swings – feelings of anger, irritation, anxiety, and restlessness

behavior – suicidal thoughts, drinking excessively, drugs, gets tired quickly, etc.

thinking ability – cannot concentrate, problems with focus, cannot answer right away in conversation, or quiet at the most

physical – no interest in sex, a lot of tiredness, no exercise, always get sick and headaches

My Story With Depression – Yeah, it’s true!

My past two relationships had been a great struggle and a lesson for me. Whenever I thought about it, I have no idea how I attract this kind of relationship. I was feeling like, was I depressed too when I got myself involved? But it made me understand the gravity and the struggle someone undergoes on a daily basis. I made no judgment as this mental illness is making a flourishing impression in my mind. It is like a mental and emotional challenge to me, and being with them has made me realized the darkness they absorb in their mind. You are there as their emotional support, and I don’t do a good job sometimes, but I am trying to understand how I can help and alleviate the cause.

Being with someone with depression created love and hate in my mind about this mental illness. On the one hand, I am there because I love them, and giving them empathy and understanding are the things I can only do and at least try, but it wasn’t easy. On the other hand, it is difficult like you wanted to remove yourself in the situation, but you feel that deep empathy to solve whatever they are going through.

My first relationship with a girl with depression came unexpectedly. I am going to describe to you what it feels like to be with someone dealing with depression. I thought at first that there was nothing wrong with her. We got along so well, and we got a place we can call home. After a few days, I heard her crying in the living room. I asked her why she was crying, and there she related her own story when she was younger, and can’t stop crying about it, and when she remembers this event in her life, she thought it’s happening to her again. The trauma was there, and the memory is resurfacing in her brain and causing her to be too emotional. There was an event that happened to her when she was 16, and I can’t disclose the details of it, but all I can say was a traumatic one.

Because of this, I have to make a lot of adjustments because It is not something I have expected. Sometimes I fail to be the rock in the relationship because of this foreign emotional roller coaster that is happening inside me. There were things that I am not allowed to do, and there were unreasonable ones, and I tried to have empathy in her situation and even wished it wasn’t the case to both of us. I have learned to control my emotions, and my focus was consistent with hers. I knew for a fact that I was not myself, and it takes a toll on me. Those sleepless nights and arguments could have been averted if only she could control her own emotions and unfounded feelings.

I was at the behest of her world, and I swear sometimes I felt like I lost my identity. To me that time, I had to be the man she could count on, and admittedly sometimes I just can’t do it. It went against my nature of being myself and thought about ending the relationship with all those things she had to go through and my feelings of indifference and empathy at her situation that I felt like I don’t deserve her. Although it was a difficult situation, we decided to have breathing space and re-evaluate if this is what we wanted.

At this time, she’s getting a lot of support from her family and decided to see a psychologist help her. I could only wish for her the best and healing, and it opened my eyes to the danger of mental illness if you are not getting support and the help you needed. When you are in a state of depression, everything is black and blue, and there is no middle ground. At one point, you are happy, the next minute you are buried in deep, deep sadness. I learned a lot from her, and it widens my understanding of the effects of mental illness.

After my relationship with her, I thought my life with depression was over until I got into a relationship again with someone who had the worst condition than the first one. I thought to myself, I had been a peaceful person and a quiet kind of guy, but why do I attract this kind of relationship?

Little did I know that I had this intention subconsciously ingrained in me to help people. Of course, I want to be with someone who has stable emotion and personality, but maybe the universe is testing me again or perhaps just giving me a hard time, I don’t know. So I was on a repeat. This time I thought I was prepared because of my experience. Now I know how to deal with it and how to resolve it.

We started okay, and as usual, people with depression have an immense amount of insecurity in themselves. Telling her that you only love her is not enough when she sees you talking to another human who happened to be a female. Maybe I don’t know what the issue was, but when you feel so much insecurity, you think that everyone is there to get you or do something against you. That was the case that I couldn’t even talk to anyone except that the person should have been a male if you know what I mean. Although you are not doing anything disloyal, things like this can make you off the edge, but just to reconcile the matter, I had to adjust again.

So you know you get the picture of how it is like to live with someone with depression. I don’t want to disclose any more of what happened to us, but I was just going to express that it is not an easy task. Many arguments could have been avoided, and the extreme feelings of anger should not have been necessary. The sleepless nights and the consistent feel of nervousness because you don’t know what is going to happen next and all you can expect if it happens is another major lash out between the two of you. It is difficult, but I have learned a lot from this mental condition. The last one that I got with not only have depression, but she got complex PTSD, borderline personality disorder, and narcissistic tendencies.

But I must say though that she is a good and beautiful person but only damaged from the trauma she had with her family and whatever is going through her mind that had made our situation difficult. I had to go to a psychologist too because I want to make sure that I wasn’t adding more misery to her life, but I know in myself that I have not experienced this thing on a different level.

I realized that I need to help people suffering emotionally and wanting to alleviate it. To my surprise, the universe gave me what I wanted. He sent people where I can learn from and deal with everything they have. That’s what happened, I think, at the back of my mind.

The upside of what I shared with you is that it gives me an understanding of how depression can cripple your relationship and life. It opens my eye to show compassion and fair opinion on the subject. It helps me to know that they are people too and should not be taken for granted. It gives me an understanding of the human mind and its complexity and how it could affect anyone and how you can deal with it.

In the End

Mental illness is a sensitive topic. Anyone can be affected by it. Many people are suffering from depression, and it is crippling our society and family when you hear of life being lost. It is a hard fact, and all you can do is to have empathy and compassion toward the people suffering from this mental illness. You don’t have to resolve their problems, but sometimes just by being there is enough for them that you care. Sometimes, only listening is enough for them to think straight, and none of the methods we believe can solve their problems are not what they need. They need emotional support, and they need someone who is there not to judge them but understanding that their depression is not something they choose. It can happen to anyone.

Dealing with depression alone is not an easy task, but you can do many things to sway you from dwelling in the feeling. Things that you can do to minimize the problem is to talk about it, or go to a psychiatrist and have friends that can help you fight depression—eating the right food and nutrients that support happy feelings, going to the gym or exercise, doing a hobby, etc.

There is a lot you can do, and the most important thing is to seek help and talk about it.

Tiger Oliver Budd
Tiger Oliver Budd
Read next: Never In the Cover of Night
Tiger Oliver Budd

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