Trapped in my Toxic Mother’s Home

We’ve started our own little family. My boyfriend of 7 years and I have welcomed our baby boy into the world. He wasn’t planned, but we were so happy to meet him. We live in my mother’s house, alongside her and my younger brother. My older brother, his wife, and their toddler also live in the same house; however, they have their own sectioned off piece of house where they can steer clear of the drama that is in the main house. It’s difficult for us to not be involved in drama because we are so close.

Because our son wasn’t planned, we weren’t financially stable enough to start looking for a place of our own before his entrance. We struggle paycheck to paycheck just to stay afloat. One great advantage is living in my family home because the rent and utilities are divided into thirds.

My family (especially my brother who’s name the house is under) has always loved to say that this home will always be for the family. We are all living here, we are all paying rent, and because of that, this home will always be here when we need it. The one that has always seemed a little awkward about the idea, however, is my mom. She always just kinda got quiet, looked down at her phone, and never engaged in the topic (she paid the down payment for the house). My dad, whom doesn’t live with us due to his long term separation and now divorce from our mom, actually paid the rent of the house with the child support money he was giving my mom for my younger brother for the first 8 years of us living here. He agreed with the idea that the house will never be sold and will always remain a family home.

Well, my mother loves to use the fact that we live in this house as a means to belittle us as much as she can. If we pay our third of the rent a day late, if we pay it a week early, she will tell us we are the least punctual “tenants” ever. If I don’t wash the dishes (whole house’s dishes not just mine) one day because my baby and I are having a rough day she will threaten to kick us out for being “dirty”. If I ask my younger brother not to finish the little frozen foods we can afford to buy for the days I cannot get around to cooking for ourselves, she throws in our face that she is providing us with a cheap place to stay and asks if we would like to find a new place to live. She will take any opportunity she can to remind us that we are living under her roof for a fraction of the cost and that we should be nothing but eternally grateful to her for it. -Don’t get me wrong, I will always be grateful that we are able to live here, but I’d hate to admit that we kinda HAVE to live here. It is either here or the streets.-

Our latest altercation about the food really brought out her ugliest yet. I couldn’t help but feel that she likes that we have to live here. She knows we cannot do anything about our living situation. She knows she can threaten to kick us out every time there is an argument, big or small, and it will chip away at our pride while we zip our mouths and let her glare over us in disapproval.

I hide in our room, with my 6 month old son all day, every day, just to avoid confrontation with my mom. It’s starting to affect my mood and my sanity.