To Plea For Help

This is going to be a piece that will have many repetitious moments in the topic of mental health that addresses suicide prevention. I wanted to give an awareness of some problems that I have endured that have occurred to what happened to me in my mental health episodes.

The ramblings in some of the segments I felt like I had to repeat because of the seriousness I feel went unnoticed, wasn't talked about, and I want it to serve that someone can use these pieces as a part of their plea for help on how to convey what has been dwelling. If you are someone that wants to help a friend or loved one that has been suffering from bad mental health episodes, I hope this gives some insight to how hard it is to say something about mental health and how sometimes, people that talk about mental health are harshly put down or put off to the side. You can be able to know what the other person has endured in their spiral of shrouded sadness.

In the past I used to be very disillusioned about revealing my problems. That it was selfish to talk about my problems, that I have to be stronger and quit telling people about my problems . Any time I wanted to reach out to someone to help me through a personal problem of mine, I couldn't bring myself to do it, I had to endure to sit and muffle my sobs from soul-shattering screaming

Any time I did talk about my problems in my mental health, I was scolded and ridiculed for how I said my problems. It just went back and forth constantly from keeping quiet about it or having the problems not properly respected to be addressed.

The concept of confessing has been molded into different opposing sides over time. I was taught at a young age that talking about your personal problems would make the peers or friends around me leave me. I would have shown that I carry a lot of problems and that I can't fix them, that I am smothering and clingy. It was also showed as a gossiping or damning subject that if I talked about my mental health episode that involved one person that had hurt me, I in turn would have hurt them by saying something that put them in a bad limelight. So I had to sit and suffer with depression, no matter what or who did this to me and it lead me into a spiraling mental health.

I had a rough journey for years about having the misinformation about keeping quiet about my mental health had led to a deteriorating mental health in my adulthood. Over time, the mounding misery in my mind just kept going, and I was running out of hope for myself. It had gotten so bad that it led to suicidal thoughts. I used to have moments I was in the shower and held my shaving razor, just staring blearily at it, I scared myself in how close I was to doing the act several times.

What scared me even more in the months to come was how relaxed I was that the feeling of wanting to die became casual. That was when I knew I needed help and I waited longer than a person pleading for help should wait.

But my problem was I didn’t plead, I was silently pleading , and when I said something it wasn’t taken seriously.

I had been the funny person to a lot of my friends and family so when it came to pleading for help , a lot of them assumed I would get through it. There was a concern, but assumed with my happy nature that I would get through it . They didn’t know that I didn’t get through it, I had suffered and endured pain and torment in my mind and in my life problems that led to a spiraling mental health.

No matter the context, either descriptive or blunt, it matters because it’s a plea and wanting to be listened to after the pressure has surmounted in such a stress . When someone has slandered and shamed that plea, it hurts even more. I've had moments that I will share in certain sections of this article about how my vulnerability was made fun of and it made my mental health spiral even more.

I wanted to offer some insight with my experiences in what troubled me in my mental health. If you want to help someone but don't exactly know what's going through their mind or if you are going through a bad mental health episode and you don't know how to describe it, then these segments that I'm going to share might help clear up to identify what's going on.

After a year of therapy and plenty of time to ruminate, I've made some realizations on what happened to me in my dark times that led to spiraling mental health and how I had to change that.

These factors are very important to identify.

Confiding

The set in stone rule in friendship is to feel like there is a freedom in knowing someone will show consideration and compassion to comfort from a mental health episode or a personal problem.

Friends need to treat your depression with the seriousness as you convey. They have to let you have the floor and talk about anything that's on your mind so they can understand how exactly they can help.

It's good to listen to someone else, but they can't forget to listen to you.

I've had moments over the years where I've said a couple of personal things about my mental health only for it to be interrupted because they had been presumptive or interrupted because they wanted to compare it to their problem only for it not to be anything like the way it was described. Sure, it was comforting for them to be able to release some inner turmoil by relying upon you to be respectful and courteous to reveal what they had stewed inside. If they don't return the gesture and give you the respect to talk about what has been dwelling inside, they won't be of help to you in your dark times when you need to be free to talk.

Mental Health is no joke and it shouldn't be put off to the side because someone doesn't deem your depression as important.

Last year, I had a rough road to getting my mental health back after the years I degraded myself. I had to go through the biggest obstacle in my mental health journey to get away from suicidal thoughts. There was a person who almost crumbled my mental health problems by how they reacted to how I described how bad my mental health was.

There was a friend I was getting close to, but I was so shrouded in my desire for friendships that I anesthetized myself to the way they were treating me.

We had a conversation once that went onto the topic of mental health, they wanted to know what had happened to my mental health, I had felt comfortable to answer. I had said I was in therapy because my mental health had gotten so bad, that I hated the fact that I breathed.

It was a hard thing to say it like that, it's very intense and alarming, but it was the first thing that came out of my mouth before I even realized I said it. I had hated myself so much that I didn't like it when I did the body function of breathing because it was a sign that I was alive and wasting the air. My grandfather was the first to witness this confession of my suicidal intentions, he was horrified that his own granddaughter was deteriorating and destroyed from the inside.

Now when I told this confession to my former friend, and revealed what my mental health had come to , this was their reaction, "That's so cringe to say it like that".

I was mortified, but I shrugged it off and I went on to say it's how I felt and I'm getting help. This former friend interrupted me and went onto to say what I was doing wrong in how I was getting help. They were saying I had to go to a hospital right now and basically told me I was doing the wrong thing while I was being dramatic.

I felt under attack that this person had twisted my plea for listening into a criticism about how I said what my depression was like.

No one is going to be 100% correct about mental health, because we can't judge or be presumptive of what the other person is going through in depression. People have different stages of mental health. It's important to be patient and ask questions to understand what is going on and in turn, how to help.

This former friend had failed to listen to the factors that I was in therapy and getting help. They undermined how I was getting help and wanted to push me in another direction to show that they were right about everything in how the order is supposed to go, they wouldn't accept my answer. I was ridiculed for my mental health as well as how I was starting my process for how I was helping my mental health. I thought this was a person I could trust and I was painfully proven wrong. They were nitpicking and made my plea for help into unnecessary joke.

When there is a light that begins for getting out of suicidal thoughts, it's a delicate time and people like this person I mentioned can easily do something that can put back the miserable mindsets.

Stay away from these kinds of people that will turn your mental health into an insulting debate.

With people that endure this as I've has to endure it, it’s hard when the plea was interrupted and railroaded. No one should ever be deprived to say the hardest thing, it doesn’t matter how a plea for help is said , it should be said and it should be listened to and not in the way this person did to me.

The person I mentioned that said the terrible reaction to how I said what status my mental health was at, This person did not think of how that was going to affect me and only thought about how they perceive that plea and deconstructed and reconstructed it to their own idealism and entirely switched the point to make it go from serious to cynical.

To be vulnerable shouldn't be treated like it's not important.

Misinterpretation

This is a problem that constantly happens to me, and it it makes my mental health go through the worse episodes that led to many spiraling moments to suicidal thoughts because of being deprived of being understood.

It's hard to convey a problem, find the voice, and find the exact sentence to explain why and what is going on.

It's not easy for some people to just say "I want to end my life, and I need you to listen why it's happening to me."

After I have tried to convey what has happened, people listen to the problem and then not understand either on purpose due to selfishness or due to a lack of maturity to respect what the other is saying. It's extremely important because I have heard from certain close friends of mine how they were saying an important plea to be listened to about their mental health. In turn they weren't respected, and their words were twisted because the other person didn't want to thoroughly understand what happened to them, and how it got that bad.

To be misinterpreted hurts more than how the problem came about because then I feel like nothing still resolved or at least listened to.

On the latter I do understand that not many people can catch on as quickly as others would if they aren’t really empathic or inclined to fully understand the problem.

I've had friends and family say they want to help and understand and offer an ear. I've known friends that have loved ones that want to be there.

But to make that happen they can't cause interruption or be presumptive, that makes a mental health episode worse.

The time to talk would be after they've said everything on their mind, I'll never know why that's so hard to let someone say a serious plea. The words "help me" does not mean "interrupt me".

Selective Listeners

Some of this does tie into my misinterpretation section, but there is some that I wanted to clarify as another problem when it comes to awareness for people to help with those struggling with mental health.

I’m one of those kinds of people that can’t talk about a problem immediately I have to process my problem and have a way to explain it. I had to be ready to talk and to go to friends who would listen, respect, and process my problem. Because I've experienced the aforementioned "Misinterpretation", it has made it harder on myself to open up because I know there will be people that won't listen entirely or just choose what they want to know and ignore the rest. It's happened too often on various conversations I have when I want to talk about my mental health.

This is weird to explain it, but in the moments that I would try to talk about what going on, this same problem would happen.

In the situation that I trusted a friend with a problem of mine to talk about it. After it was established that they would listen. In turn that trust got mended in that moment that this person would never let me finish what I had to say in order to get it out. I didn't get my relief.

Sometimes we hang to a key word and can't help ourselves but accidently inteject, but then sometimes we forget to circle back around to what this persno would be trying to say.

When I would be trying to say something that was on my mind. A friend or aquaintance would pipe in about their commentary, then keep going and forget to get to listen the rest of the story and move on from my plea to listen. They deprived themselves of understanding as well as deprived me of getting to finish. I had too many moments that I was disregarded from getting to say it or at least finish it. I would be sitting there, listening to them talk about how my problem related to theirs. They would talk about my problem and how it related to a topic that had nothing to do with my problem. The entire time I would just sit there and my insides would be boiling because I was deprived to say what I wanted. Even when I tried to circle it back to the point myself, it was already too late. Some people can get a little headstrong or too forthright, but even if it was an accident to derail someone's plea, it heavily matters to the one that has had trouble trying to say it.

I've said it before, sometimes it's hard to find the voice to convey, and having a part of that plea cut off, it matters to the one that feels they were shut off for the first time or thousandth time.

Of the people I've tried to tell my problems to, friends or family, have this niche to just select a portion of what I'm saying, hearing the part they assume is the problem without hearing the rest of the confession of problems. What's worse is the moments that some can misconstrue a problem with a humorous twist to try and understand by being comedic, there is a time and place for comedy. Comedy can help after the whole confession has been made without any misinterpretation because there was respect and courtesy to what happened in a mental health episode.

Not every personal problem will be dealt with a delicate grace to a solution, or at least getting that moment to convey this cause of my problem.

But the fairness factor, to at least have the opportunity to confess the whole problem without any interruptions or selfish individuals that reel it back onto them to talk about themselves. That still makes me bitter. I'm sure that there are others out there like me that do everything in their power and patience to help out their friends, to be calm, courteous and respectful.

Now it seems there is no room to talk. It should not be that way. It makes it harder to open up if the whole plea can't be heard.

The Real Deal

There is a light that starts out a small spark and grows to illuminate a way out of the tunnel from the dark thoughts.

Therapy

Over time therapy does help, regular therapy sessions, and it might take a couple of therapists before you find the right one that you can match with on a comfortable level to talk to. It does take time to thoroughly talk about your problems so the therapist can help you re-route your mind to positive thoughts.

Talking to A Doctor

It's a staple to be routed to talk to a doctor about getting help. But sometimes it can be a bit intimidating to some people who don't find it easy to talk to a doctor after years of sealing up the problems.

I used to avoid talking to a doctor to talk about my depression on any checkup because I didn't know how to say exactly what my depression was doing to me, and I worried it wouldn't be taken serious.

When I was getting my baby steps in therapy to help reroute my mind away from suicidal thoughts, I had accepted that I had to get medication, and in turn that meant talking to a doctor. The day I did it, I had broke down to my doctor about told him how bad my depression was, I had never been a position to talk about depression, nor did I think it was possible because I didn't know how to get help. So getting help in a doctor's examination room to speak freely without judgement, it was very foreign to me.

He was very compassionate, gave me a tissue box and let me talk. If I had assumed I had something he mentioned of a stage with mental health, he made sure to carefully explain it to me to assure me that I didn't diagnose myself with something I didn't have. I could understand myself better with knowing exactly what was ailing my mental health. He also taught me exactly how the pills work, he had explained that it would take a while and I had to start out small. I never thought that medicine would work because I had assumed the medication wouldn't help or wouldn't work after taking the word of others without finding out from a medical professional myself.

The Friends In Your Corner

After I cleansed myself of a toxic crowd of selfish people, I ended up reconnecting with some friends that I found to be the ones that cared for what I was going through.

We even created a mini message in a text to send called 'vibe check'. We just text that to each other to know how the other is doing with their mental health. It gives the other person the comfortable freedom to say anything at all, whether it be to get the anxiety out of the system by confessing or ranting about what bullshit happened, anything at all.

You might be pleasantly surprised when you speak up to some people that may know exactly what you are going with , that they will ask questions to what’s going on.

I remember when I was camping with a couple of my pals, and I inadvertently revealed some problems I had that were getting to me. It flew out of me, but I didn't feel a shame to talk about what was bothering me. I was given all the time I needed, and they just sat there in their lawn chairs while I talked. They asked questions and didn't try to downplay my problem, they took it as serious as I conveyed to give me respect and compassion.

Reserve yourself to only express to the ones that will let you talk until it’s all out, to talk to the ones that will not interject and deprive you of saying what you have suffered. Those kinds of ignorant people that interrupt just create more suffering and you don’t need that.

There are those friends that will validate you, because they want you to be on this weird green rock for the fun times and camaraderie. They want you to be healthy in every way possible. They need you to be there for any moment they want you to be apart of, they'll be sure your happy and comforted so you never have to worry about being alone ever again.

If you are struggling with your mental health or you know someone is struggling with mental health, please consider those segments I mentioned, having some stuff specified to be able to clear some of the shrouding thoughts in the process of rerouting your mental health to clearer skies. It took me years to see that these factors are essential in how I got help for myself as well as how I was able to help others that suffered the same way I did.

When I started to process for getting help for my mental health to stop deteriorating to suicidal thoughts, I was surprised to see how the process wasn't as intense as I thought. The little changes I made really set things in motion and I had to continually keep up with it. I had to cut out some selfish and egotistical friends, I had to remember that the medicine would a while to kick in and I had to write down how I felt so I could see the difference. I couldn't rush my process to get positive, it does take years to get better. The years of suffering doesn't go away easily and just like normal scars, they take time to scab over and heal.

I would say that medical professionals and positive friends are like the band-aids in mental health recovery. They'll stick to you while the pain goes away, they will prevent you from continuing to pick at the scar and forget about it while it heals.

If you are enduring a bad spell of mental health , I hope this helped levitate the heavy hurt that lingered in your heart and mind.

Please know that you are valued, and that the help is there and isn't as bad as you think it is. No one deserves to be shrouded in sadness, there are people that are willing and wanting to help you get through your tough times.

It's not embarrassing or degrading to want help for yourself.