There can not be Light without the Shadow

If I had only known this two decades ago. Maybe it would have changed my life entirely. Maybe I would have been going through the same experiences but with a different attitude towards it. Or maybe everything would have happened just the same.

I have the Sun in Cancer and the Moon in Scorpio. I could simply stop here because this says it all anyway.

My mum always used to say to me “why do you always have to experience everything? Can’t you just learn from other’s people experiences?”.

This made me feel so wrong: wrong because I had a desire to experience things, wrong because I understood this was not good and other people don’t do it either so why should I? I felt wrong because it seemed that my experiences were hurting other people I loved. And I also felt misunderstood.

How could I live this life from what others are telling me? Where is the fun in that? I didn’t just want to be a viewer of life. I wanted to be the main character in my own life. Was this so wrong?

In a very unconscious way, life took me in mysterious places inside myself. I am most interested and fascinated in life by what lies under the surface. I dive deep inside and search for myself in ways I never new existed. I discover myself different every day and I find another part of puzzle. It’s who I am and the only way I understand life.

This journey inside, deep down into the depth of my soul has showed me my mistakes the same way as it showed me my power. I understood there can not be light without a shadow. And what would be the point of the light if not to be brought into the night. I also learned that the more I stepped closer to the light, the bigger the shadow got behind.

I have been abused in multiple ways along my life, I have suffered depression to almost to the point of death and I have understood that miracles do exist, and that I am one. My fear based pattern developed since I was in my mum’s belly and followed me my entire life and it has made such a mess out of it. It has dragged me places that I did not know how to escape.

I am a Water sign and this says so much. My emotions are intense and most of my life I was forced to push it down and hold the balloons under the water. It exhausted me and it took me to my darkest moments. In that darkness I have found the power to cry for everything I have not cried for at the right time. I have felt my own tears heal me and bring me back to life.

In that dark night, a light showed me how my life was perfect just the way it was. How everything happened for a reason. How my pain in that moment it was the healing for other (people’s) wounds. I learned that pain can bring healing into one’s soul. And later on, I learned that pain is not even necessary.

With the Moon in Scorpio I look for emotional intensity. I am the digger when it comes to the world of emotion. I can look right through someone and feel how they feel. Later on in life I found out that it is a term for this - energy sensitive being.

Scorpio is all about transformation, death and rebirth. Maybe it was written in the starts for me to marry my husband and my name to be after marriage (related to) Birth (and) (related to) Death.

Not only I believe in the starts, but I also believe in words and their meaning. Looking back, I understand how my life has been a long pattern of births and deaths and rebirths. I have learned that my life is easier if I stay in tune with Mother Nature and the Moon. Rituals have become my number one thing and I have discovered the Magic of Life.