Therapy Talk

I will start this off by saying I am not a licensed therapist, counselor, or psychologist. I am simply a person who is on the journey of healing here to share my words, experiences, thoughts, advice, and feelings.

Considering therapy:

When the general population is presented with the topic of therapy they tend to think, wait- isn’t therapy for severely traumatized people? The answer to that is no. Therapy is not only for people who have experienced a lot of trauma. The truth is that any and everyone can benefit from therapy. We all have been through something. Having someone to talk to who is unbiased can be extremely beneficial while improving the quality of your life. If you are just needing someone to talk to about life difficulties/ changes a life coach or counselor might be what you need. It could also be a good idea to see a therapist if you’re someone who deals with excessive worry. Or you have a difficult time managing your stress. However, if you have serious traumas you need to work through, a therapist that specializes in trauma may be needed.

The next thing that people tend to think about when therapy is brought up is the cost. Unfortunately, therapy tends to be too expensive for most of us to afford. That doesn’t mean it is impossible. You should still try looking. Therapists with a private practice tend to be pricey; however, if you can afford it with your insurance then go for it. Most therapists do take some kind of insurance. If you don’t have insurance or are having a hard time finding someone who accepts your insurance I suggest finding some kind of Mental Health community center near you. Community centers often have many helpful resources. Some have groups and classes you can take. And some even offer sliding scales for payment depending on how much you make. I once was seeing a therapist at a community center, as well as attending group therapy, and only had to pay five dollars per session I attended.

As for finding a therapist, try simply googling “therapy near me”. This does take quite a bit of research sometimes but it is worth it. Be persistent if it’s something you want.

Starting therapy:

The reality is - therapy can be hard depending on what kinds of things you need to work through. Therapy digs into the depths of the conscious and subconscious mind to help you heal. It brings up the emotions and traumas that you have avoided. It’s not always simply confronting those things. Healing takes hard work and consistency. You have to constantly show up for yourself. No one is going to force you. Self- discipline helps tremendously here.

This brings us to the next topic of discussion. A support system. As I’ve mentioned, therapy is triggering. You’re going to be processing emotions and events that have been tucked away for however long. Things that you had no idea even bothered you until the present moment. Dealing with all of those things can be hard to do alone. It helps to have some kind of support system, even if it’s not your family. It can be anyone close to you that you trust. It is important to remember that this person or people are not there to bear the weight of your emotions/ trauma. They are there to support you. What that looks like depends on you and them; so talk to them about it. Communication will be vital to your healing and any practice is helpful. If you are like me and don’t necessarily have much of a support system, don’t be discouraged. My support system only consists of a few of my close friends, which I’ve come to learn can be plentiful. You just have to ask for it! You’ve heard that saying “ Ask and you shall receive” yeah, it’s annoyingly accurate. I know it sounds easier than it is. The whole healing process sounds easier than it is. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth it! It is also important to make sure that the people who you consider to be a part of your support system are actually supportive. If they aren’t supportive of you and your healing journey then they don’t need to be part of it.

If you don’t have a large support system, for whatever reason, it is okay. That just means that healthy coping mechanisms and soothing techniques are going to be non-negotiable.

So what happens when you start therapy? Your first appointment in particular. Don’t worry, you won't have to dive into everything right away. The first appointment is usually what is called the intake. The purpose of the intake is essentially to get a feel of who you are and most importantly, what brought you to therapy. Sometimes the person who does your intake is not who your therapist ends up being. That is the other purpose of the intake, to match you to the right therapist. Like I mentioned earlier, depending on what you struggle with (e.g anxiety symptoms, depression symptoms, grief, ADHD, Trauma-related distress). You may need a therapist who specializes in one thing or another.

Speaking of the “right” therapist. It’s very important that you like and get along with your therapist. This is the person you will be divulging all of your most vulnerable thoughts and feelings to. If you don’t like your therapist after one or two visits, ask for a new one! This can be a frustrating process but trust, it's worth it to find a therapist that you click with because that is what is going to help you heal.

Being diagnosed:

From what I’ve seen (of course) a lot of people are afraid of being diagnosed. They don’t want the label, which is completely understandable. The thing is, a diagnosis is not here to say “ here is what’s wrong with you”. I try to think of my diagnoses as things that are here to help me better understand myself and the way my brain works. Along with helping me to identify patterns and behaviors I need to pay closer attention to. I won’t lie, it took me a lot of time to get to this point. It was very scary at first, I let my diagnoses define me. I let them tell me who I was but the thing is they are not me, and I am not them. Your diagnosis, mental health issues, or disorders may describe you but they are not you. You are a person before anything else.

My therapy experience:

I have been lucky to have had an amazing experience with therapy. At first, it was strange. Sitting across from a stranger, telling them things that have happened in my life that no one else knew about. It became easier the more comfortable I became with my therapist. I started to look forward to my therapy sessions every week. Even when I went home and broke down after therapy. Even when I would cry all week as I tried to process what my therapist and I discussed. I still looked forward to showing up for myself every week. This was partly due to the advice and tools my therapist was giving me to help me cope. I was presented with different techniques to use when my emotions started to feel overwhelming. Granted, it did take time and consistent work to implement the techniques. But once they stick, they stick. I believe that one of the biggest benefits of therapy is the stress management you learn. As well as the healthy coping mechanisms that you and your therapist create. Coping mechanisms can be anything from journaling or taking a walk to something very specific to you as an individual. For example, something that I do to cope sometimes is a paint by number. Coping mechanisms also vary with each situation. Sometimes you need to soothe your emotions, but other times a change of environment can help. It’s important to be gentle with yourself throughout this process.

It has been about a year and seven months since I first went to therapy. I can confidently say that deciding to start therapy is the best decision I’ve ever made for myself to date. That’s not to say that this process hasn’t completely stripped my perception of myself and everything around me; because it has. I was terrified to start therapy because I had no clue how it would go. Part of me did not want to uncover what I’d been hiding from. I got to a point though, where I knew things had to change. At the time I didn’t even know who I was, but I knew things had to change. Before I lost myself completely. That’s really what it comes down to because healing is not easy. It’s one of the most difficult journeys you’ll make. Throughout this journey, I have wondered to myself if it would’ve been easier to keep avoiding my issues. On some level, the answer is yes. It might be a little easier to remain ignorant. It might be easier, however, I know for a fact that I would not be any happier. This journey is brutal at times but I am working towards something. I’m doing something that matters, and I’m doing it for myself.

That is what fills me with joy. Pretending that everything was fine - when in fact, I was crumbling into myself did not fill me with joy. Healing and infinitely becoming a better version of myself fills me with joy. And it's what I will continue to spend my precious time on.

Therapy isn’t something that can benefit just a few people. So many people walk around daily not knowing how to manage their emotions. They don’t know that setting boundaries with people can leave them feeling less run down. Or even when it comes to communicating. How to express wants or needs without becoming too emotionally engaged. These are all skills that can be improved on in therapy. Whether you’re feeling excessive worry or sadness, have childhood trauma, or you just need someone to talk to. I encourage you to consider going to therapy.