The Trip That Changed Everything

Oh man, I screwed up. Watching from the window as my friend ran home while barefoot down the street, it suddenly dawned on me that I was in a random kitchen in the middle of the afternoon with some boys I barely knew from work. We had just taken mushrooms for the first time and I had no idea what to expect, and we weren't off to a good start.

That random day back in 2011 was more than enough for me; one and done—I tried mushrooms and I never had to try them again. I'd been scared of them ever since that day because during my trip, my brain felt like it warped and never returned to its original state. It was worth it... but it was extremely intense. I immediately became what my friends would call a "hippie" or "shrub" with my new outlook on life that took place seemingly overnight, post-trip.

To put it into perspective for you, I was coming fresh out of high school, barely graduating with no idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I also had no business doing drugs I didn't know anything about, but you live and you learn. And holy shit, did I ever learn.

Here's what happened:

Aforementioned kitchen boys, Dom and Brando, invited me to try mushrooms with them on a day off from the restaurant we worked at one afternoon. Not wanting to go by myself, I invited Jess, a longtime friend, the trooper she was, to come with me. They encouraged a pint of beer or two with lunch to calm the nerves, and so we sat at the bar and had a couple drinks, and off we went to the next stop: Outer Space.

In the kitchen at Dom's house, he and Brando starting brewing up mushroom "tea," which I later found out in life, much to my horror, was just a couple 2L bottles of Mountain Dew dumped into a pot and a bunch of mushrooms mixed in with it. It was essentially mushroom sugar water, and I had no idea what the ratio of shroom to sugar water was, but we each had two cups of it.

I remember the story going something like this: after our tea, we each had two more stems and two caps, but as I type that, I begin to feel physically ill because that is an outrageous amount of psilocybin for a FIRST TIMER so that can't be right. So let's just say we each took one stem and one cap. Still, that's a pretty scary dose mixed with the tea and my tiny little eighteen-year-old brain. All I know for certain is that I have some guardian angels looking out for me, that's for sure.

Do I regret it? Not necessarily... However, I highly do not recommend that high of a dosage.

The effects took ahold of Jess instantly, the only one who skipped lunch and opted for beers instead. She found herself laying under the kitchen table fully tripping out, laughing and drawing circles with her fingers on the glass top. As soon as she realized she didn't really know the boys we were with, who were staring down at her in disbelief, Jess was GONE. She was out the door, one hand holding her shoes, the other on the phone with her man who was already on his way to come get her. After I made sure she was okay, I realized, umm... this is gonna be intense. I wanted to be alone just in case I had a bad trip.

I had to get outta there. Grabbing my keys out of my bag, I made the bold decision to drive home (I lived five minutes away and justified I could always pull over, right?) that's how badly I didn't wanna be around these guys (no offence, Dom and Brando).

The shrooms hadn't hit me yet and I made it home and pulled into my drive way, blessing one up to the poor angels assigned to me for getting me home safe. I turned off my ignition, ran inside the house, down the stairs, into my bedroom, and closed the door behind me. Under the covers I went, and I waited.

Managing to calm down a little bit, I waited some more. Nothing was really happening... Was I supposed to be halloucinating? I didn't know much about mushrooms, I just kinda took what was given to me and hoped for the best.

The next thing I know, I'm tripping harder than I could've imagined. I don't remember much since it was so long ago, and I didn't journal about it as I would now if I did them, but here's a list of things I do remember:

1. My purple bedroom walls were swirling every shade of indigo you could ever conjure up with the human eye like the Van Gogh painting, Starry Night. I lost track of time (see point two) staring at my purple wall and its magnificient beauty.

2. Many epiphanies were had, but the one that tripped me out the most was the fact that time is an illusion made up by humans and there is no timeline to have your life in order. Everybody's life path looks different. Also, thinking about the time differences between space and Earth almost broke my brain.

3. I found myself laughing because life is so beautiful, and then suddenly I was crying because, you guessed it, life is so beautiful. Aware of the duality to all circumstances; that light cannot exist without darkness, I experienced a full opening of the heart chakra and realized to love is to forgive, and love is the only way to live. Life is fragile and delicate and every moment is special if you allow it to be.

4. I wanted to be outside in nature so bad, but I wasn't sure if my mom was home and I did NOT want to be around my family in my condition. I imagined myself rolling around in the grass in the backyard by myself, and my mom looking out the window and seeing me and thinking WTF is she doing, which I thought was so hilarious that I laughed about it for what seemed like hours.

5. Ride the wave. Trying to control situations doesn't help anything and oftentimes it leads to worrying about things more than you should. The Universe will always lead you towards what is best for you, although it's up to you to accept that journey or not. Let go and let God, whatever that may look like you.

This experience fundamentally changed who I was at my core.

Mushrooms expanded my consciousness in a way I cannot explain. I was mentally drained from my brain working so hard, and once I was done having all these wild epiphanies, I finally crawled out of bed to find my phone. It was 8pm and the sun was setting; obviously I needed to see the sunset, so I tried texting my friend Josh to come pick me up. I was feeling social enough at this point to be around my besties and I needed to get out of my house and experience the world as I now saw it. As I went to text Josh, the letters on the keyboard of my phone fell off like digital Scrabble letters and bounced when they hit my bed. I stared in disbelief for a moment, shrugged, two-handed scooped them up and smacked them back onto my phone, and continued on like nothing happened.

Oops, I guess it hadn't fully worn off yet.

My friends pulled up and we caught that dang sunset and we laughed harder than I've ever laughed in my life. At that moment I was, and still very much am, beyond appreciative for my friendships and the even bigger circle of friends I am apart of. I was extremely aware of all the ways we were connected and grateful to have found people in my life who deserved to be there. My face hurt from smiling and crying all day. It had never truly hit me how blessed I was until that very moment. It was mind-shattering.

I've only touched mushrooms on a handful of occasions since and never enough to trip like I did the first time. Now here we are, roughly ten years after "the incident," and I'm contemplating if micro-dosing is the next path for me at this moment in my life. A few psychobillin dispensaries have opened in my city and the products they offer are becoming the new trend.

Why microdose?

Microdosing involves taking such a little dose of psilocybin that you don't trip or hallucinate but you still get the benefits of mushrooms, which are improved mood, focus, drive, creativity, and productivity, to name a few. Microdosing also has the ability to curb addictions like smoking or drinking, and people are starting to use it as an alternative to anti-depression medication, and studies show that it seems to work.

Now, I'm no expert and I'm just learning about microdosing, but I do wish everyone would try mushrooms at least once in their life (just NOT in the amount I did). If I were ever to do enough to trip again, I'd do it in the comforts of my own home or in nature, either alone or with friends, and I'd make sure I'm comfortable with the good vibes flowing, like candles, music, and some sort of activity to work on like painting or drawing.

You might read this and call my experience a definitive "What NOT To Do On Mushrooms" guide, but I call this my coming of age story; the moment I can pinpoint in my life where everything changed. Previously bitter over unfair relationships and all the times I'd been hurt, I made space for forgiveness for everyone who had ever crossed me because I now understood that we're all just lil' humans trying our best, surviving the only ways we know how. I realized that by constantly thinking you need to be healing, you're putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. It's okay to just be. Just be human. We came here to have a human experience. You don't have to have it all figured out all the time.

I healed a part of myself on that trip, and by healing a part of myself, I helped heal a part of the world.

Happy muchin'. 🍄

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