The Stigma Surrounding Mental Illness and My Story
By Charles Turner
The Stigma Surrounding Mental Illness and My Story
By: Charles Turner
It seems like in today’s day and age there is this awful stigma surrounding mental illnesses. Society has labeled people who have bipolar, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, depression, Borderline personality disorder, ADHD, Autism, Anxiety disorder and many others, as somehow lesser than everyone else or too unstable. That people who are diagnosed with these illnesses are somehow never capable of truly living their best lives or contributing to society. I’m here to tell you that is completely wrong. And my personal story is an example of what the right medication, therapy, and diet can really do for your mental health, even despite a diagnosis.
My story begins when I first received my diagnosis on July of 2019 while still serving in the Marines. It was life changing. I battled with depression ever since my early teenage years. I always thought it was my personality, I never sought help. But in July I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder and had my first manic episode. For those reading this who are not educated on what exactly it is, it basically boils down to extreme highs (called mania and hypomania) to extreme lows (called depressive episodes). These are mood changes and it is why Bipolar Disorder is classified as a mood disorder.
Whenever I received the diagnosis, I had two reactions to it. The first was disbelief. How could I Charles Turner have a mental health diagnosis? Something that is incurable but treatable that would be with me the rest of my life. I’m a man of faith, so I even questioned God on why he would allow this to happen, or why would he make me this way? The second reaction was a sense of relief, a relief of an explanation of what I was going through.
Like I said I battled depression ever since my teenage years. But there were times where I would contemplate, why am I crying so much? Why is my mood changing so quickly? Why am I having trouble with everyday tasks. So, in a way the diagnosis was a blessing, and answer of sorts that I was searching for deep down, to fill that deep void in my heart. Many people’s first reaction is to not accept the fact they have an illness at all. That was not me, I accepted it like a man at the get go. I was ready to conquer this illness from the start. But oh boy did I not expect the long hellish journey that was ahead!
Normally people with Bipolar will take an antipsychotic medication along with a mood stabilizer. I was first started off on a medication that what I thought was making me feel wonderful, but in reality, I was actually still coming out of a manic state. It wasn’t until my dad and I packed up all my things, hitched my car to the back of the U-Haul and set off back to Missouri, that I truly realized what it was doing to me.
The medication started to make me into a zombie. And when I say Zombie I’m speaking in terms of no emotion, no motivation, can’t carry on conversation, like all the soul is sucked from your body. That’s how much it sucked. My father and I didn’t know much about the medication and were not very educated, but boy did I hate it. We both thought it was working the way it was supposed to, because it was keeping me out of the lows, and highs. So why not stay on it for a year? Which is exactly what happened.
For a whole year I went through life like a Zombie. My family prayed, I prayed, and many other people prayed that I could be myself again. It severely affected my artwork, I love to draw, paint, and design tattoos. My dream is to become a tattoo artist. It felt like all those dreams were impossible at the time. It affected my relationships. It even affected me being capable of being a good father for my son at the time.
It wasn’t until many moves back and forth from California to Missouri to try and be there for my son, and a suicide attempt that I finally discovered the path for me. I was living with my sons’ mother and I had entered into a depressive episode while living with them in California. It affected me with holding a job, finding a job, helping with my baby and around the house. It made me unfunctional. The family finally decided to kick me out, it was not for only being in a depressive state. My sons’ mothers, mother was battling cancer and I was being more of a burden than a help. It was totally understandable. And they should not be made out to be the bad guys.
That’s when I decided to stop letting this illness and wrong medication control me. I decided for the sake of my son I would come back one day with a degree and be an experienced tattoo artist. So, I decided to attend College in Missouri, as an Art Major. To regain the skills that I had lost while battling my illness. My doctor in Missouri finally decided to switch me to a new medication, and it was like I had my life back. I was so joyful. I praised God for it.
I enrolled in college myself, got a part time job, and started to feel like myself again. My artwork started to slowly come back. I was so happy; I was so excited that I could finally do the things I loved again. I joined a CrossFit gym and started to work out again. I got an app called Emoods to log my medication and my moods for the day, even my quality of sleep. I started to attend therapy appointments regularly to help. Everything was starting to fall into place.
That’s when I started to have multiple manic episodes. I would have one, be hospitalize and recover, I would have another, be hospitalized and recover. I found out through another doctor that it was a medication issue. Again! Despite everything I was doing right, I was still having episodes and issues with medication. This Is quite common for people battling a mental health diagnosis. The brain is so complex it takes many medication adjustments, and changes to find the sweet spot. Now it’s only been a month and I’m in the sweet spot now. I have no side effects, my health is good, and I’m ready to start my life again. I look forward to starting college. So my story is a perfect example of what you can still do despite episodes, hospitalizations, and medication adjustments. The illness is just like any other. Like diabetes, cancer, etc. So to anyone reading this there is hope in everything even if it seems impossible at the time.
About the Creator
Charles Turner
Welcome to my vocal page. This page is dedicated to short stories, and mental health and suicide awareness.
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