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The six stages

Personal experience being Groomed

By SMcPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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I grew up the youngest of a blended family, between my mom and dad it was just me, on my fathers side he has a daughter, my mother side she has a son and daughter making it four of us.

When I say I am the youngest, I mean there is an 8+ year gap. I lived with both parents and my brother, my sister on my moms’ side every 2nd weekend kind of thing.

I shared my room with my sister for a while when she was there, she would eventually move to the basement then stopped coming around completely. She kept a diary and being a sister, I snooped, finding a note saying she wished me dead. our relationship was non existing even to this day.

My sister on my dads’ side is not much more than a faint memory, she would not come around very often and the only thing I remember of her was her showing me how to draw a dog, my dad does not talk about her and its almost like she never existed.

My brother was the oldest having 10+ years on me he lived in the basement in a shoebox of a room that I ironically live in now. We had what I thought was a 'normal' relationship, we fought, got each other in trouble and he always had my back. It was not until middle school that I realized that the relationship we had was far from any kind of normal sibling relationship, but I kept quiet.

Being so young I was often looked at as his pawn, it started with the stealing of small things, Halloween candy, food, pocket change. I was the baby in the family and he used that against my parents and myself, I got caught, no big deal , he gets caught, punished with grounding, at one point a lock was placed on the door separating the two floors to stop the stealing and that's where I came into play.

One of many times I covered for him.

My grandmother was staying with us for a while, it was close to Christmas and she had bought a box of chocolates, placing it in the fridge I was told not to touch. In the morning, my mom had asked both my brother and I why all, not some, but an entire box of ALCOHOLIC chocolates was gone. Nothing left behind except a box. We did not answer and were sent to our rooms until someone confessed.

*Thinking back, she should have known it could not have been the 5-year-old, for me to eat a whole box of alcoholic chocolate would have left any young child sick.

Something in me wanted to be able to go downstairs to play.

A few minutes pass and I go to my mom confessing and apologizing for the crime I did not commit, asking to go play she said yes and that was it, easy, he was right I was the baby that could do no wrong and it felt good to protect him from being punished. Without a doubt I know my mom knew it was not me but took my confession anyways.

After learning about the darkness, I was living in I did more research, the term child grooming stuck out, I felt sick.

Helpless

Stage 1: Targeting a Victim.

I was an easy target, young, innocent, unknowing parents, uneducated.

Stage 2: Gaining Trust.

Trust was easily gained, he was my brother after all, he was supposed to have my back, protect me like he said he would.

I was easily bribed with toys, candy or a game. it was so easy for him, it makes me sick not just knowing how easy it was to fool me but REALLY knowing and understanding that the reality is, its easy.

Show a child their favorite thing and say, if you want this you need to do this, make it sound fun and poof... another Childs innocents taken.

Stage 3: Filling a Need.

People have said I grew up under a rock and I think about that a lot. my parents wanted to protect me from the outside word but at what cost. I do not really remember ever doing a whole lot with my mom, my dad would play soccer with me from time to time but not much more, that I can recall anyways. My brother filled that gap, playing games, teaching me things.

Stage 4: Isolating the Child.

My parents were both smokers back then and often smoked in the house but would go out into the garage a few times throughout the day/evening before bed.

I would watch through my window as they disappeared and I would hear the stairs creek, knowing he had been watching too. Next my door would open. They were never far but still out of reach. At the time even being uncomfortable about the situation I kept quiet because I trusted him. I watched through the window waiting for the sight of my parents, knowing that meant it would end, at least till next time.

Stage 5: Sexual Contact.

When you think of child grooming at this stage it typically starts with increase of physical contact–patting on the back, hugging, wrestling, tickling, massaging, or kissing on the check.

It seems he missed that part and went straight to physically teaching me the male anatomy and what my job was as a female. Although he even had boundaries, it would only ever go as far as foreplay in which I am partly thankful for.

He taught me the pleasures of touching one’s self, taught me oral, taught me how to please him. Without ever penetrating me with anything more than his fingers. Saying that it did not feel good would be a lie and after getting a taste I wanted more, I did not know how gross this all was but when I learned about what happened I didn’t blame him at, I blamed myself and my parents.

Stage 6: Maintaining Control.

He would use my fear of getting in trouble against me, I was led to believe that I was the one who would face serious consequences if my parents found out what was happening.

He would use threats of never being able to use his Lego blocks, games, Pokémon cards if I did not continue to do these things for him.

It was silly to think that I essentially traded my innocence, my future ability to function, my self worth for a damn Pokémon card.

I continued in fear for years even after he moved out, It was like it never happened , we continued a normal sibling relationship even after I found out what he was doing was disgusting, unlawful, messed up and damaging.

Why I kept the secret for years is a story I have not written yet, along with when I decided It wasn't worth keeping anymore, My struggle with mental health during and after, and the level of injustice I faced.

trauma
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About the Creator

SMc

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