The Silent Monster
Anxiety is the voice in your head, the continuous worrier that refuses to let you be content. Don't let this silent monster take over, don't let it force you to give up.
There comes a time where I have to stop and ask: "is this my anxiety talking?” Day to day, I watch as the world continues to go around me while I sit and ask myself this question. Everyday, I have struggled in every aspect of my life because I never know if this is in fact my anxiety talking. It wasn’t until recently that I realized it was the one guiding my mind for years.
When I say years, I mean starting in middle school when I had a panic attack about passing a biology test, when in reality I could have passed without studying, all the way to the fifth year of my college career where I have mental break downs weekly because I feel like I will never finish. Anxiety has become a crippling mental illness that I don’t talk about. Until now.
I was and always will be a worrier. I never gave myself an excuse for always worrying, that is just who I am, so I dealt with it. Anxiety only felt like an excuse. People would so nonchalantly talk about it that I felt like it became an excuse for everyone to worry. But see, I had no control. I had no control of the sweating and the shaking when it came to things like using a coupon at a store that I have never used, in fear it was going to not work, or it is expired (even though I checked four times). It wasn’t until I started talking to people about their worries that I realized it isn’t an excuse, I am actually incapable of handling a minor problem without feeling nauseous and worrying. This is anxiety, a silent monster that weeds its way into your subconscious. Anxiety becomes the voice in your head, telling you to worry, telling you that you’re doing it wrong, telling you that you’ll never make it, so give up. I have given up.
I have given up to the point of lying down and letting the world pass me by. Given up to the point of feeling so depressed and emotionally drained I had no desire to move. But who was I going to talk to? Everything I was worrying about was so miniscule. I struggled talking to someone without them telling me “Just don’t worry about it.” HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? I spent so much keeping it all inside because no one understood. It wasn’t until it was bottled to the brim where I started to realize I was drowning. Something needed to happen.
It wasn’t until I put faith in myself to change, that I actually started to feel a little piece of happiness again. I started looking into tips to manage my stress, which would help my anxiety, and I started documenting things that made my anxiety tick. Meditation and relaxation have played a huge role in my ability to control my mind and focus on me rather than my stress and anxiety. I have also given up caffeine. Caffeine is a stimulant and only made my anxiety response happen quicker giving me less time to react.
Stop listening to the voice in your head when it is negative. Stop letting your anxiety control you. Take back what is yours, and start making changes. There will never be a cure, I still struggle daily with anxiety, but now I am learning to control how much I listen to that little voice in my head. That silent monster is slowly losing control.
Below are a few resources I have used to help me learn techniques to deal with my stress and anxiety.
Kripalu Three-Part Breath: Dirgha Pranayama
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xg_93mxxCnQ
Body Scan Meditation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYsuvRNZfxE
Meditation for Beginners - Featuring Dan Harris and Sharon Salzberg
About the Creator
Kyrsten Wagoner
Full time student, trying to get through it so I can be a full time elementary school teacher.
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