The Magic of Therapy

Do you believe in magic? I do.

I had my first encounter with therapy about 4 and-a-half years ago when I was going through a very turbulent time in my life. Up until then, I'd never experienced any form of therapy - unless retail therapy counts...

I started having counselling to help me through some of the darkest days of my life, and I don't really remember too much of what my counsellor said to me in those sessions - and as I look back now, it's all just a blur. I just know that somehow, she helped.

She listened; she sat with me - silently at times - as I poured my guts out in front of her, exposing what felt at the time like, severed arteries from the heart that had been ripped right out of my chest.

I honestly can't remember what she said - other than a few key things here or there; mostly relating to self-care. But what I do remember is the way she spoke. The calmness of her voice; her accent - which I found strangely hypnotic. I asked her once where she was from originally and she shared with me that she was part Greek.

It wasn't just her accent; it was how slowly and gently she spoke. She seemed to know from the moment she met me that what I needed right there in the depths of my sadness was tenderness, care and warmth. She seemed somehow to convey so much of these qualities with her voice. I remember feeling so held in that counselling room; so enveloped in something that I can't really put a name to.

Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.

Fast forward four-and-a-half years, and I find myself almost at the end of my own training to become a counsellor. This lady, who I'd never met before and have never seen again, had the biggest impact on my life and she doesn't even know it. I wish sometimes that I could thank her. She has absolutely no idea of how the care she gave to me while my life was falling apart around me has helped to shape me into this whole other person.

Of course, I can't give her all the credit! I have worked my butt off for the last 4 years, learning how to become a therapist so that I can do the same for other people. When I stop and think about it though - how much she must have influenced me is really quite a remarkable thing.

So here I am: about to qualify as a counsellor and begin a new journey walking beside others who face difficult times in their lives, and it occurred to me, that we spend so long in our training as therapists learning the skills of counselling; skills that we practice over and over with our peers; learning theory; writing essays; assignments; presentations; you name it.

For four years I have eat, slept and breathed all things counselling-related; trying to fill my therapist 'tool kit' with as many things as I possibly can so that I am equipped to be able to help as many people as I can.

But I was told a little story yesterday by renowned existential psychotherapist Ernesto Spinelli while undertaking some online training that he was delivering, and it has really made me think.

He talked about a session with a client in which the client seemed to have a pivotal moment - one that was very meaningful to them. In that session, Ernesto had apparently moved his arm in a certain gesture whilst talking and for some reason, unbeknown to him, something just 'clicked' for the client. In this moment, everything made sense.

The client said after, that this arm movement had portrayed some deep level of understanding from Ernesto, the therapist. Ernesto of course, had no idea what he'd done. He didn't even remember that he'd moved his arm in this way. But to the client; this gesture was everything. Ernesto didn't understand the significance of this arm movement for his client - but it doesn't matter. He doesn't need to.

My point being, that as therapists, we spend years learning this craft; but in reality, with some clients, the therapy is what happens in the little moments in between the words. An arm movement; a gesture; a head tilt; a look. Those are the moments that we don't plan. They aren't calculated. They weren't part of our training as therapists. They can't be taught. But in that exact moment, we connect with something deep within our client and just like that - something shifts.

We can't know what clients will relate to. We can't foresee the things they will find meaningful. We just do our job. But every now and then we experience these strange little moments of connection and in that split second- a little bit of magic takes place.

This is why I'm convinced that therapy is both science and art. There is something just so unique and beautiful about this job. It's the only job I've ever had where being exactly who I am has mattered so intrinsically. Where being me, has finally paid off and has made a difference in someone else's healing journey.

How lucky I am to have the privilege of bearing witness to another person's healing or growth. How many other jobs can give you that kind of job satisfaction? Well, I'm sure there are probably many others in the helping professions actually.

But none that contain magic.