The Hero Instinct

The Hero Instinct is a concept that has gained popularity in recent years in the world of relationship psychology. It is the idea that men have a primal urge to feel like a hero in the eyes of their partners. According to James Bauer, a relationship coach and the author of the book "His Secret Obsession," men are wired to provide and protect, and they want to feel like they are fulfilling this role in their relationships.

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Bauer suggests that the hero instinct is based on evolutionary psychology. Throughout human history, men have been the hunters and protectors of their families and tribes. They have had to be strong, brave, and resourceful in order to provide for and defend their loved ones. This has created a deep-seated need in men to feel like they are fulfilling this role in their relationships.

The hero instinct is not just about physical protection, though. It also includes emotional protection and support. Men want to feel like they are needed and appreciated by their partners. They want to be the one their partner turns to when they need help or support. This makes them feel valued and important, and it can create a deep emotional connection with their partner.

So, how can women activate the hero instinct in their partners? Bauer suggests several strategies:

Expressing gratitude - Men want to feel appreciated for what they do. When their partners express gratitude for their actions, it reinforces their sense of importance and makes them feel good about themselves and their relationship.

Making him feel needed - Men want to feel like they are essential to their partner's life. When women ask for their help or support, it can activate their hero instinct and make them feel valued and important.

Allowing him to provide - Men want to be able to provide for their partners in some way. This can be financial support, emotional support, or physical support. When women allow their partners to provide in these ways, it can activate their hero instinct and create a positive cycle of behaviour.

It's important to note that the hero instinct is not a one-sided concept. Women also have a desire to be appreciated and valued in their relationships. They want to feel loved and supported by their partners. The hero instinct is just one piece of the puzzle when it comes to building a healthy and satisfying relationship.

The hero instinct can also be a double-edged sword. When men feel like they are not fulfilling their role as a hero, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. This can create tension and conflict in the relationship. It's important for both partners to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and desires in the relationship.

In addition, not all men feel a strong urge to be a hero in their relationships. The hero instinct is not a universal truth and does not apply to everyone. It's important to recognize that each person is unique and has their own set of desires and needs in a relationship.

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Overall, the hero instinct can be a powerful tool for building a deeper emotional connection and fostering a healthy and satisfying relationship. When men feel appreciated, valued, and needed by their partners, it can create a positive cycle of behavior that benefits both partners. However, it's important to recognize that the hero instinct is just one piece of the puzzle and that each relationship is unique. Communication and mutual understanding are key to building a strong and lasting partnership.