The ghosts of my past
Dive deeper into my real life for all to read!
SEBRING FLORIDA 2011
Eleven year old Autumn Raine (that is me) and my mother and two sisters moved to this little four bedroom house on Kerry Dr in Sebring, Florida.We were new to the area and our neighbor (Scott Wilkie) came over to welcome us and invite us to his church down the road, Sparta Road Baptist. He was very approachable and nice, so we decided to give it a try. My mother was pregnant with my little brother Gavin. We have no extended family, so we didn't see the harm in finding a family at church. Soon after my little brother was born, my mother and Scott started dating. Since we lived right next door, my mother and Scott decided it would be smarter financially to move in together. So, that is what we did. Everything was going great up until about two or three months of living there. Then, Scotts true colors came out.
THE YOUTH PASTOR AND HIS SECRETS
Scott was the youth pastor at Sparta Road Baptist, he was very good at his job. There were allegations made from a girl who used to be in the youth group, who did not come from "the good side of the railroad tracks" some people would say. She claimed that Scott had sexually assaulted her while she was staying at his house for a few weeks. No one believed her because he was this stand up guy with the church backing him. After about two or three months of my family and I living there, he started to sexually assault me and my older sister while we slept for an entire year. I have this stuffed husky animal that I have had since I was a little girl. I used her as a barrier between him and I while he was asleep. He'd push his hips against me while he was sleeping, due to this I have trouble sleeping most nights to this day.
After bailing him out of jail, causing us to have to sell almost everything we owned, he ran. He missed his court date and he took off. In that time DCF stepped in and took me and my three siblings away from my mother and said she failed to protect us (that was the legal terms for it). My mother had no clue that it was happening. At this point and time everyone thought he was still innocent.
About two weeks after Scott ran, my older sister came forward about her assaults. After that, my mother worked with the police to catch him. People in the community called my mother horrible names for "betraying" him, when in reality, he betrayed her. They were engaged at this point and it was extremely heartbreaking for my mother to find out. A few weeks after my sister came forward, I came forward. No one believed me. Everyone thought I was trying to be like my older sister, which I never understood.
HOW IT ALL ENDED...
My older sister chose to stay with the pastor and his wife from the church and age out of the system. My younger sister moved to Georgia with her biological father. My little brother with his biological father. I went into a group home. I wanted to go back with my mom. I was twelve years old and just had my whole life ripped apart, and a part of me stolen from me. I had nightmares for years, and still do to this day at times. I have insomnia due to fearing falling asleep. I was scared to fall asleep, every time I did, I saw his face and heard his threats. I would force myself to stay awake and not sleep. I was diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, and PTSD. The smell of the purple 305 cigarettes puts me into an anxiety attack. Eventually I went back with my mom, but things were just not the same. We were both far too scarred. Our whole family went up in flames and my mom had to fight tooth and nail for a year just to get me back. Our family is still trying to heal completely from these events. But, we are in a much better place than what we were at. We are stronger for it.
I know life is not easy. I know sometimes it feels easier just to give up. I have tried too, but it is not just about you. It is about those you care about and those that know you as well. Yes, you have to live for yourself and do what is best for you, but isn't living better than just surviving? I know it hurts now, whatever you may be going through, but know that you are never alone. There are people who know your pain and can empathize with you. If you ever need someone to talk to or vent to or even just a friend with an open ear, feel free to email me at [email protected] and I will gladly listen and talk with you. We are all human and we all feel pain, but we also feel joy, happiness, humor, and love. You may feel like no one loves you, but know that I do. We are all in this together, no matter age, race, sexual orientation, or gender.
Until next time my friends <3