The First Safeharbor Against The Storm

If you would, close your eyes with me and imagine you're swimming; allow your mind to picture whatever setting you need. Are you at the beach? A pool?

Are there children nearby playing, or are you alone? Is the water warm, or perfectly cool? Create with me the scene, as calm and refreshing or as noisy and stressful as you want it to be.

Personally, I'm in a lake surrounded by tall pines and mountains. The air is clean and crisp and with every breath, I can feel my soul flooding with sunshine. No one else is around and I float on my back, allowing the gentlest of currents to pull me along.

A fish jumps out of the water, I can hear the splash, and a bird swoops down to claim its lunch.

If I were to stand up, I would be able to feel the soft mud between my toes, but it's simply too comfortable to move. At first, the water would send a shiver down my back and goosebumps covered my arms, but now, as I'm floating, the sun is the perfect balance to the chill of the water.

This is a space I could stay in forever, and if my ears didn't get waterlogged so easily, I would. Even as my fingers and toes wrinkle, even as the day's warmth turns to dusk, I cannot imagine a better way to spend a day.

For some, the water offers more stress than comfort, which makes sense to me, but how about you? Was that space safe or did it make you cringe as you forced yourself into an uncomfortable position... Or perhaps, did it offer no feelings at all?

Water is many things to many people; a fear, an irritatant, and for me, an escape

Even as a child, I was a water bug.

I was the first one in the pool, no matter how cold, and I stayed there till the bitter end when my parents were practically dragging me out so we could do other things.

Diving down and seeing how long I could hold my breath (a minute and twelve seconds was my record), doing handstands in the water, swimming laps, and going to the deep end to see if I could reach the bottom. The water held magic for me. Magic that could only be replicated in books.

Behind Harry Potter, it was my first love as a child.

But of course, excitement dims as you age, taking away the sparkle and replacing it with a harsh reality.

Spending hours in the pool, splashing, and playing in a world of my own creation was replaced by soaking occasionally, swimming laps for classes, and admiring it from afar.

I pulled myself away because that's what I thought adults did. Even now, I struggle to let myself relax in the water, but it's calming influence still found ways to affect my life.

When I realized that I had depression and anxiety, I sought the falls in our town to sit by for hours just to soak in the sound of rushing water. Whenever we went to a museum that had a water feature, that was what I wanted to spend all my time at.

Heaven forbid there was something interesting in the water, it didn't matter if my parents or god itself wanted to stop me, I was exploring.

Getting to go swimming... Being given society's permission to go swimming and not have my social anxiety flair up isn't as common as it used to be, but its still something I treasure.

Many things have changed in life. I went from a happy, outgoing child, to an anxious teen who had a tendency to go a bit too far at times, to an adult who can finally remember who they once were. Through all of it, water has been a safe harbor.

A place I could release the anxiety and depression that dogged my steps.

You see, depression is quite the thing.

For anyone caught in its waves, it pulls you, throws you, makes you feel utterly helpless. No matter how calm the waters may look, those caught are struggling to stay afloat.

Good days, bad days, it doesn't matter. There's always something to fight, and this fight usually goes unseen.

Swimming was my first safe haven against the storm, it allowed me much needed rest when things were almost too much. Even still, as I've taken steps to improve my own mental health, swimming is a catharsis for me.

Now and in days to come.